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complex you have to know the sex of a dog before you can command it to quit biting
you。
These are not monsters in the woods。 The lovely people who speak all those
languages descend from people who found every single one of those Bermuda Triangles
of grammar utterly logical and useful； and they’ve never felt the need to change。
The old school grammarians； the ones who assassinated the desire of young
Americans to learn foreign languages； were right in their insistence that knowledge of
grammar is vital。
They were wrong； however； to insist that all grammar must be learned here and now
before we take our first step into conversation and the fun of learning another language。
Again； grammar is best attacked from the rear。 When you read the rule in your
grammar book you may say to yourself； “Oh； so that’s the reason I’ve been saying it that
way all along； the way I learned from my phrase book； my cassettes； my newspaper； and
my Italian friend at the pizzaria！”
When you come upon an explanation of a grammatical wrinkle and you don’t
understand all the terms in English； pick up a dictionary （not a language dictionary； but
an English only dictionary）。 You’ve got to know something of your own language before
you can efficiently learn another。
Last Words Before
the Wedding
It is my hope that this volume will help those who’ve never yet dared to make the
commitment； march to the altar； and “marry” another language。 If you’ve already studied
other languages； perhaps tried for years with disappointing results； let’s look at your next
effort as a second marriage； fortified； this time； with the foregoing advice。
Best men and bridesmaids traditionally utter inanities to grooms and brides before
they march down the aisle。 As your avuncular advisor； who at this writing has studied
foreign languages as a hobby for forty…six years； let me use this precious final
opportunity to hammer home some points – some repeats and some leftovers – that will
ensure your success and ensure that you enjoy yourself as you succeed。
Plunge In
When an interviewer asked the famed bank robber Willy Sutton why he robbed banks； he
replied； “Because that’s where the money is。” Using the language is where the real
learning is。 There’s a direct analogy to sports and war。 Ask any ball player to give his
views on the difference between watching the coach diagramme plays on a blackboard
and facing the opponents in a real game。 Ask any soldier the difference between basic
training and actual combat。
The same difference exists between language study and language use。 Try recalling
the words and phrases you’ve learned most recently the next time you meet by surprise a
speaker of the language。 Your mind is likely to be a frustrating blank。 Once you’ve used
your knowledge in real life； however； your chances of recall are much greater。
Go out； then； and “pick” conversations in the language you’re learning； like a
belligerent drunk picks fights。
Certain words； phrases； idioms； and grammatical constructions will remain
unmeltable lumps。 They will defeat your best efforts to learn them。 Many students accept
such unscalable heights as proof that “I don’t have an ear for languages！” （That； by the
way； is the most pernicious myth of all。 If you have the motivation and discipline to
proceed through the system； it doesn’t matter what kind of “ear” you have； so long as it
can hear。）
Once you score your first victory over one of those “unconquerable” fortresses； an
emotional momentum is released that will carry you forward。 Grab hold of the nearest
holdout word and beat the hell out of it。 Bite at it one syllable at a time or even one letter
at a time。 Throw fits of irrational energy against it until it’s yours。
There is something truly serene about encountering a word that used to be a hideous
holdout – and is now as familiar to you as your middle name！
Point of sale is to good a term to be limited to disposable razors and other sundries
arrayed near the cash register at convenience stores。 Let’s apply it to getting ahead in a
foreign language。
The quickest and easiest time I ever had learning a phrase in a foreign language was
Molim za ples； which is Serbo…Croatian for “May I have this dance？” I was a college
student visiting Yugoslavia。 An unforgivably attractive young woman smiled at me
across the gym floor at a student dance。 I asked Darko； my interpreter companion； how to
say； “May I have this dance？”
“Molim za ples；” he replied。
I had no idea whether the mo or the lim or the za or the ples meant “May” or “I” or
“have” or “this” or “dance。” Nor did I waste time worrying about it。 I simply strode
across the floor； said “Molim za ples；” and enjoyed my first dance in Yugoslavia！
Darko was giving me point of sale instruction。
Use it！ When you know you’re going to a restaurant the day after tomorrow where
the waiters speak the language you’re trying to learn； don’t use your hidden moments in
the meantime on general vocabulary。 Sit down and compile a restaurant vocabulary of
food items and utensils and let that be your focus from that moment until you leave the
restaurant after the meal。
Are you headed for a party over the weekend where you’re fairly sure at least one
guest speaks your target language？ Start carrying your phrase book as well as your flash
cards and review the “getting to know you” phrases； such as “Where are you from？”
“How long do you intend to stay in America？” etc。
Whenever you see an impending opportunity to speak the language； get a head start
by sizing up the news of the day and going into your dictionary for the terms you’ll need
that you don’t yet know。 （“Election；” “proposal；” “tariff；” “amend；” “hostage；” “coup；”
etc。） Focus your learning effort opportunistically to make the best possible showing when
you reach the point of sale – the conversation you can anticipate。
The “show；” by the way； is not to impress others。 It’s to impress that part of you
that； when you hear yourself doing so well； will inspire you to proceed with your broad
front general advance through the language。
A policeman is a policeman twenty…four hours a day。 So is a fireman； a spy； a
marine； and a language learner。 Learn to catch yourself several times a day； indoors or
outdoors； and look around。 What are the first five things you see that you don’t know
how to say in your target language？ Write the English down on a blank flash card and fill
in the target language words when you get home to your dictionary。
At least once a day pretend you’re a United Nations interpreter simultaneously
interpreting what somebody is saying to you in your target language。 When he gets to the
fifth word that you wouldn’t know how to say in your target language； abandon the
exercise and write those words down； again； on a blank flash card。 Fill in the foreign side
of the flash card as soon as you get back to your dictionary。
Reward…and…Denial Games
There is a clever way to speed learning。 Impose little discipline games on yourself geared
to bringing you back to the language often throughout the day for short periods that can’t
possibly get in your way。 Don’t let yourself have the first cup of coffee until you review
ten of the words you learned yesterday。 Permit yourself dessert if you can go through ten
whole flash cards without a mistake。 Say yes to the extra glass of wine if you can name
any five objects in the room in the foreign language while you hold your breath。 Let
yourself take off and go see the movie once you’re able to beat the speaker on the
cassette to the foreign word or phrase for a solid minute。 Or； as you advance； two or three
minutes。
Roll your own rules。 It’s painless。 It’s fun。 It’s character building。 And it rushes you
forward to quicker results。
Profanity and Vulgarity
Forget it。 Whoever uses foul language even in English among people he doesn’t know
well loses standing。 When you go out of your way to use bad language in a foreign
language； it’s much worse。
One night in a blockhouse on the Austrian side of the Hungarian border waiting for
refugees to come across； our all male crowd represented three languages： English；
German； and Hungarian。 A brisk discussion in comparative obscenity broke out and a
fascinating pattern emerged。 Whatever we had three or four dirty words for in English；
German always had sixteen or seventeen and Hungarian never less than thirty…five！
Sure； the other guy’s garbage is fun to know； but it’s tacky； so leave it alone。 It’s all
right to get command of their unacceptable terms for defensive purposes only – so you’ll
know what not to say and be able to exercise caution when using words dangerously
similar to the no…no words。
It’s a good idea to follow Maimonides on this one： “Wha