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rampaging boor。 We had no choice。 Hungarians had to be talked to about homes； jobs；
training； money； driver’s licenses； and the education of their children。
“Tomorrow we’ll go to the butcher’s；” for instance； had to do without the thirty…
nine grammatical inflections a Hungarian sentence of that length would properly entail。
We did it with nothing but the translation of essential words： “Tomorrow go meat
fellow。” “A charitable woman is coming by to help you with your furniture needs”
became “Nice lady come soon give tables chairs。”
I learned Hungarian fluently – and badly。 Many years later I decided to return to
Hungarian and learn it properly and grammatically。 It’s a little like being back in Latin
class； but this time I have a much better attitude。
New Friends
For the next thirty…five years I stood my ground and resisted taking up any new language。
The languages I’d studied up to that point included Spanish； French； Italian； German；
Portugese； Dutch； Norwegian； Danish； Swedish； Russian； Serbo…Croatian； Chinese
（Mandarin dialect）； Indonesian； Hungarian； Finnish； Yiddish and Hebrew。 I happily
applied myself to building competence in those languages and turning a deaf ear to all
others。
It was tempting to tackle Greek； so many Greeks I could have practiced with were
popping up in my daily travels； but I clung to my policy of “No more languages； thank
you！” That policy was misguided； in fact； swine headed。 I was like the waiter standing
there with arms folded who gets asked by a diner if he knows what time it is and
brusquely replies “Sorry。 That’s not my table！”
I could have easily and profitably picked up a few words and phrases every time I
went to the Greek coffee shop and in the process learned another major language。 But I
didn’t。 In the 1980’s immigrants to New York； where I lived； began to pour in from
unaccustomed corners of the world； adding languages like Hindi； Urdu； Punjabi； Farsi；
Bengali； Pashtu； Twi； Fanti； Wollof； Albanian； and Dagumbi to our already rich
inventory of Spanish； Chinese； Italian； Yiddish； Portugese； Greek； Polish； and Hebrew。 I
abandoned the policy。 Now I want to learn them all – not completely； just enough to
delight the heart of an Indian or African cab driver who never before in his entire life met
an American who tried to learn his language。
P A R T T W O
The System
Do as I Now Say；
Not as I Then Did
A wise man once said； “I wish I had all the time I’ve ever wasted； so I could waste it all
over again。” Others may look at me and see someone who can； indeed； carry on a
creditable conversation in about eighteen languages。 I’m the only one who knows how
much of my language learning time has been wasted； how little I’ve got to show for all
those years of study； considering the huge hunks of time I’ve put into it。 In fact； I feel
like one of those hardened convicts who’s occasionally let out of jail under armed guard
to lecture the sophomore class on the importance of going straight。
If I had to do it all over again； I wouldn’t do it at all the way I did then。 I’d do it the
way I’m doing it now； the way I will detail in this book。 It’s the way I’ve finally grown
into and the way I hope you will proceed in order to get the absolute most out of your
language learning dollar and your language learning minute。
Here are some of the myths I held dear in the years when I thought I knew how to
study languages； myths I now want to trample before you get the slightest bit seduced by
them。
I’ll put on my language cassettes while I work around the house and learn the
language as easily as I learn the lyrics to popular songs。
Great image。 It just doesn’t work。 You can’t just push a button and let the language
you want to learn roll over you。 Expecting to learn a language by laid back listening is
like expecting to build a magnificent body by going to the gym； sitting in the steam room；
chugging a glass of carrot juice； and then bragging about your “workout！”
You’re going to have to study the material on that cassette； capture every word；
learn it； review it； master it； and then check challenge yourself after every piece of
English。 （We’ll consider a “piece” to be whatever the speaker on the cassette says in
English before you hear the target language。 It may be a word； a phrase； a whole
sentence。）
Abandon all images of language learning that resemble lying on a tropical beach
and letting the warm surf splash over you。 Pretend； instead； as you listen to your cassette；
that you’re a contestant on a TV game show。 After each piece of English； ask yourself；
“For one thousand dollars now； quick； how do I say that in the language I’m trying to
learn？”
Since I’m not in school anymore； time isn’t important。 I’ll take my time； skip a day；
skip two days； the language will still be there when I get back to it。
Spoken like a true linguaphony。 A language has a lot in common with a military
foe。 Don’t let it rest。 Don’t let it regroup and devise fresh ways to foil your attack。 Keep
up the rhythm of your offensive。 Keep your momentum going。 （This is only an
illustration of tactics； of course； no language is an enemy。） A programme that features
disciplined effort will convince you that you’re serious and generate fresh inspiration and
energy。
The chapter I’m studying now is hard and probably not too important。 I’ll skip it
and get back to it later on。
That’s a giant killer。 The declension of the numbers in Russian。 The subjunctive in
the Romance languages。 The double infinitive in German。 The enclitics in Serbo…
Croatian。 The noun cases in Finnish。 Almost every language has formidable mountains to
climb。 Don’t walk around them。 Climb them！ Take one step at a time。 Just be careful
never to surrender to the temptation to beg off the hard stuff and learn only those parts of
the language you find congenial。
It will seem masochistic； but I want you to learn the names of the letters of the
alphabet in your target language and the grammatical terms too； so that when you ask a
native how a certain word is spelled； you can bandy the letters back and forth in the
language。 When you ask a native for the past tense of this verb or the negative plural of
that noun； do your asking in the target language。
I’m never going to pose as a native speaker of their language； and I’d never be able
to pull it off even if I tried； so why bother to develop the right accent？
Nobody is arrested for indecent exposure just because he dresses poorly。 On the
other hand； a person unconcerned about dress will never impress us with his appearance。
It’s the same with the proper accent。 As long as you’re going to go to the trouble of
learning a language； why not try – at very little extra cost – to mimic the genuine accent。
A poor accent will still get you what you want。 A good accent will get you much
more。
If you can put on a foreign accent to tell ethnic jokes； you can put one on when you
speak another language。 If you think you can’t； try！ A lot of Americans believe they’re
unable to capture a foreign accent when subconsciously they’re merely reluctant to try。
We’re all taught that it’s rude to make fun of foreigners。 That childhood etiquette is
hereby countermanded。 “Make fun” of the foreigner’s accent as effectively as you can as
you learn his language。
Your “infancy” in a foreign language is spent learning to grope with incomplete
phrases made up of incorrect words to mash your meaning across。 “Babyhood” comes
when some of the phrases are complete and more of the words are correct。
“Childhood” arrives when you can deal rather fluently with concepts involving
bread； bed； buttons； and buses； even though you can’t yet discuss glassblowing in
Renaissance Estonia。
“Adulthood” is being able to discuss absolutely anything； but with a pronounced
American accent。 With “maturity” you acquire a creditable accent in the language。 You’ll
know you’ve achieved maturity when you become annoyed at other Americans you hear
plodding through the language with no effort to “foreignise” their accent to approximate
the correct one。
Be content with partial victories。 I rejoiced the moment I learned I could speak
Swedish well enough to convince a Norwegian I was a Finn。 I celebrated when I realised
I could speak Serbo…Croatian well enough to convince an Italian I was a Czech！
There will come a moment when I will cross a border and earn the right to say；
“Yes； I speak your language”！
There’s no such border。 Learning a language is a process of encroachment into the
unknown。 When can you say you “speak a language”？ The famous ophthalmologist Dr。
Peter Halberg of New York refuses to consider that he speaks a language unless and until