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The Bedford…Row Conspiracy
by William Makepeace Thackeray
Contents。
I。 Of the loves of Mr。 Perkins and Miss Gorgon； and of the two
great factions in the town of Oldborough。
II。 Shows how the plot began to thicken in or about Bedford Row。
III。 Behind the scenes。
Footnote：
A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of
〃The Bedford…Row Conspiracy。〃
THE BEDFORD…ROW CONSPIRACY
CHAPTER I。
OF THE LOVES OF MR。 PERKINS AND MISS GORGON； AND OF THE TWO GREAT FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH。 〃My dear John；〃 cried Lucy； with a very wise look indeed； 〃it must and shall be so。 As for Doughty Street； with our means； a house is out of the question。 We must keep three servants； and Aunt Biggs says the taxes are one…and…twenty pounds a year。〃 〃I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea；〃 remarked John： 〃Paradise Row； No。 17；gardengreenhousefifty pounds a yearomnibus to town within a mile。〃 〃What！ that I may be left alone all day； and you spend a fortune in driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs？ My darling； I should die theredie of fright； I know I should。 Did you not say yourself that the road was not as yet lighted； and that the place swarmed with public…houses and dreadful tipsy Irish bricklayers？ Would you kill me； John？〃 〃My da…arling；〃 said John； with tremendous fondness； clutching Miss Lucy suddenly round the waist； and rapping the hand of that young person violently against his waistcoat；〃My da…arling； don't say such things； even in a joke。 If I objected to the chambers； it is only because you； my love； with your birth and connections； ought to have a house of your own。 The chambers are quite large enough and certainly quite good enough for me。〃 And so； after some more sweet parley on the part of these young people； it was agreed that they should take up their abode； when married； in a part of the House number One hundred and something； Bedford Row。 It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other than John Perkins； Esquire； of the Middle Temple； barrister…at…law； and that Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon； and Marianne Biggs； his wife。 The Captain being of noble connections； younger son of a baronet； cousin to Lord X； and related to the Y family； had angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly pretty young woman； who kept a ladies'…school at Canterbury。 She had six hundred pounds to her fortune； which the Captain laid out in the purchase of a sweet travelling…carriage and dressing…case for himself； and going abroad with his lady； spent several years in the principal prisons of Europe； in one of which he died。 His wife and daughter were meantime supported by the contributions of Mrs。 Jemima Biggs； who still kept the ladies'…school。 At last a dear old relativesuch a one as one reads of in romancesdied and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two sisters； whereupon the elder gave up schooling and retired to London； and the younger managed to live with some comfort and decency at Brussels； upon two hundred and ten pounds per annum。 Mrs。 Gorgon never touched a shilling of her capital； for the very good reason that it was placed entirely out of her reach； so that when she died； her daughter found herself in possession of a sum of money that is not always to be met with in this world。 Her aunt the baronet's lady； and her aunt the ex…schoolmistress； both wrote very pressing invitations to her； and she resided with each for six months after her arrival in England。 Now； for a second time； she had come to Mrs。 Biggs； Caroline Place； Mecklenburgh Square。 It was under the roof of that respectable old lady that John Perkins； Esquire； being invited to take tea； wooed and won Miss Gorgon。 Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life； let us pass for a moment from that young lady； and lift up the veil of mystery which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins。 Perkins； too； was an orphan； and he and his Lucy； of summer evenings； when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets of the Foundling； and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh SquarePerkins； I say； and Lucy would often sit together in the summer…house of that pleasure…ground； and muse upon the strange coincidences of their life。 Lucy was motherless and fatherless； so too was Perkins。 If Perkins was brotherless and sisterless； was not Lucy likewise an only child？ Perkins was twenty…three： his age and Lucy's united； amounted to forty…six； and it was to be remarked； as a fact still more extraordinary； that while Lucy's relatives were AUNTS； John's were UNCLES。 Mysterious spirit of love！ let us treat thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy secrets。 The fact is； John and Lucy were a pair of fools （as every young couple OUGHT to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing）； and were ready to find coincidences； sympathies； hidden gushes of feeling； mystic unions of the soul； and what not； in every single circumstance that occurred from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof； and in the intervals。 Bedford Row； where Perkins lived； is not very far from Mecklenburgh Square； and John used to say that he felt a comfort that his house and Lucy's were served by the same muffin…man。 Further comment is needless。 A more honest； simple； clever； warm…hearted； soft； whimsical； romantical； high…spirited young fellow than John Perkins did not exist。 When his father； Doctor Perkins； died； this； his only son； was placed under the care of John Perkins； Esquire； of the house of Perkins； Scully； and Perkins； those celebrated attorneys in the trading town of Oldborough； which the second partner； William Pitt Scully； Esquire； represented in Parliament and in London。 All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row； which； at his father's death； was let out into chambers； and brought in a clear hundred a year。 Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough； where he lived with thirteen red…haired male and female cousins； he was only charged fifty pounds for board； clothes； and pocket…money； and the remainder of his rents was carefully put by for him until his majority。 When he approached that periodwhen he came to belong to two spouting…clubs at Oldborough； among the young merchants and lawyers'…clerksto blow the flute nicely； and play a good game at billiardsto have written one or two smart things in the Oldborough Sentinelto be fond of smoking （in which act he was discovered by his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning）in one word； when John Perkins arrived at manhood； he discovered that he was quite unfit to be an attorney； that he detested all the ways of his uncle's stern； dull； vulgar； regular； red…headed family； and he vowed that he would go to London and make his fortune。 Thither he went； his aunt and cousins； who were all 〃serious；〃 vowing that he was a lost boy； and when his history opens； John had been two years in the metropolis； inhabiting his own garrets； and a very nice compact set of apartments； looking into the back…garden； at this moment falling vacant； the prudent Lucy Gorgon had visited them； and vowed that she and her John should there commence housekeeping。 All these explanations are tedious； but necessary； and furthermore； it must be said； that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal member for Oldborough； so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial representative。 This gentleman； the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon； lived at the paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle； and rejoiced in the name and title of Sir George Grimsby Gorgon。 He； too； like his younger brother； had married a lady beneath his own rank in life； having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr。 Hicks； the great brewer at Oldborough； who held numerous mortgages on the Gorgon property； all of which he yielded up； together with his daughter Juliana； to the care of the baronet。 What Lady Gorgon was in character； this history will show。 In person； if she may be compared to any vulgar animal； one of her father's heavy； healthy； broad…flanked； Roman…nosed white dray…horses might； to the poetic mind； appear to resemble her。 At twenty she was a splendid creature； and though not at her full growth； yet remarkable for strength and sinew； at forty…five she was as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's dominions。 Five feet seven in height； thirteen stone； her own teeth and hair； she looked as if she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier Guards。 She had three daughters of her own size； and at length； ten years after the birth of the last of the young ladies； a sonone sonGeorge Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon； the godson of a royal duke； whose steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many years。 It is needless to say； after entering so largely into a description of Lady Gorgon； that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen…faced creature； eight inches shorter than her Ladyship。 This is the way of the world； as every single reader of this book must have remarked； for frolic love delights to join giants and pigmies of different sexes in the bonds of matrimony。 When you saw her Ladyship in flame…coloured satin and gorgeous toque and feathers； entering the drawing…room； as footmen along the stairs shouted melodiously； 〃Sir George and Lady Gorgon；〃 you beheld in her compan