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During the few minutes they were detained there by Mrs。 Archbold； who was mistress of her whole business； quite a new face was put on everything and everybody； ancient cobwebs fell； soap and water explored unwonted territories： the harshest attendants began practising pleasant looks and kind words on the patients； to get into the way of it； so that it might not come too abrupt and startle the patients visibly under the visitors' eyes： something like actors working up a factitious sentiment at the wing for the public display； or like a racehorse's preliminary canter。 Alfred's heart beat with joy inexpressible。 He had only to keep calm； and this was his last day at Silverton Grove。 The first thing he did was to make a careful toilet。
The stinginess of relations； and the greed of madhouse proprietors； make many a patient look ten times madder than he is； by means of dress。 Clothes wear out in an asylum； and are not always taken off； though Agriculture has long and justly claimed them for her own。 And when it is no longer possible to refuse the Reverend Mad Tom or Mrs。 Crazy Jane some new raiment； then consanguineous munificence does not go to Pool or Elise； but oftener to paternal or maternal wardrobes； and even to the ancestral chest； the old oak one； singing：
〃Poor things； they are out of the world： what need for them to be in the fashion！〃 （Formula。）
This arrangement keeps the bump of self…esteem down； especially in women； and so co…operates with many other little arrangements to perpetuate the lodger。
Silverton Grove in particular was supplied with the grotesque in dress from an inexhaustible source。 Whenever money was sent Baker to buy a patient a suit； he went from his lunacy shop to his pawnbroker's； dived headlong into unredeemed pledges； dressed his patient as gentlemen are dressed to reside in cherry…trees； and pocketed five hundred per cent。 on the double transaction。 Now Alfred had already observed that many of the patients looked madder than they werethanks to short trousers and petticoats； holey gloves； ear…cutting shirt…collars； frilled bosoms； shoes made for and declined by the very infantry： coats short in the waist and long in the sleeves； coalscuttle bonnets； and grand…maternal caps。 So he made his toilet with care； and put his best hat on to hide his shaven crown。 He then kept his door ajar； and waited for a chance of speaking to the justices。 One soon came： a portly old gentleman； with a rubicund face and honest eye； walked slowly along the corridor； looking as wise as he could； cringed on by Cooper and Dr。 Bailey； the latter had arrived post haste； and Baker had been sent for。 Alfred came out； touched his hat respectfully； and begged a private interview with the magistrate。 The old gentleman bowed politely； for Alfred's dress； address； and countenance； left no suspicion of insanity possible in an unprejudiced mind。
But the doctor whispered in his ear； 〃Take care； sir。 Dangerous！〃
Now this is one of the most effective of the formulae in a private asylum。 How can an inexperienced stranger know for certain that such a statement is a falsehood？ And even the just do not love justice_to others_quite so well as they love their own skins。 So Squire Tollett very naturally declined a private interview with Alfred； and even drew back a step； and felt uneasy at being so near him。 Alfred implored him not to be imposed upon。 〃An honest man does not whisper；〃 said he。 〃Do not let him poison your mind against me； on my honour； I am as sane as you are； and he knows it。 Pray； pray use your own eyes and ears； sir； and give yourself a chance of discovering the truth in this stronghold of lies。〃
〃Don't excite yourself； Mr。 Hardie；〃 put in the doctor parentally。 （Formula。）
〃Don't you interrupt me； doctor； I am as calm as you are。 Calmer； for； see； you are pale at this moment； that is with fear that your wickedness in detaining a sane man here is going to be exposed。 Oh； sir；〃 said he； turning to the justice； 〃fear no violence from me； not even angry words； my misery is too deep for irritation； or excitement。 I am an Oxford man； sir； a prize man； an Ireland scholar。 But； unfortunately for me； my mother left me ten thousand pounds； and a heart。 I love a lady whose name I will not pollute by mentioning it in this den of thieves。 My father is the well…known banker； bankrupt； and cheat； of Barkington。 He has wasted his own money； and now covets his neighbour's and his son's。 He had me entrapped here on my wedding…day； to get hold of my money； and rob me of her I love。 I appeal to you； sir； to discharge me； or； if you have not so much confidence in your own judgment as to do that； then I demand a commission of lunacy； and a public inquiry。〃
Dr。 Bailey said； 〃That would be a most undesirable exposure； both to yourself and your friends。〃 （Formula。）
〃It is only the guilty who fear the light； sir；〃 was the prompt reply。
Mr。 Tollett said he thought the patient had a legal right to a commission of lunacy if there was property； and he took note of the application。 He then asked Alfred if he had any complaint to make of the food； the beds； or the attendants。
〃Sir；〃 said Alfred； 〃I leave those complaints to the insane ones： with me the gigantic wrong drives out the petty worries。 I cannot feel my stings for my deep wound。〃
〃Oh； then； you admit you are not treated _unkindly_ here？〃
I admit nothing of the kind； sir。 I merely decline to encumber your memory with petty injuries； when you are good enough to inquire into a monstrous one。〃
〃Now that is very sensible and considerate；〃 said Mr。 Tollett。 〃 I will see you； sir； again before we leave。〃
With this promise Alfred was obliged to be content。 He retired respectfully； and the justice said； 〃He seems as sane as I am。〃 The doctor smiled。 The justice observed it； and not aware that this smile was a formula； as much so as a prizefighter's or a ballet…dancer's； began to doubt a little： He reflected a moment； then asked who had signed the certificates。
〃Dr。 Wycherley for one。〃
〃Dr。 Wycherley？ that is a great authority。〃
〃One of the greatest in the country； sir。〃
〃Oh； then one would think he must be more or less deranged。〃
〃Dangerously so at times。 But in his lucid intervals you never saw a more quiet gentlemanly creature。〃 （Formula。）
〃How sad！〃
〃Very。 He is my most interesting patient （formula）； though terribly violent at times。 Would you like to see the medical journal about him？〃
〃Yes； by…and…bye。〃
The inspection then continued： the inspector admired the clean sheets that covered the beds； all of them dirty； some filthy： and asked the more reasonable patients to speak freely and say if they had any complaint to make。 This question being； with the usual sagacity of public inspectors； put in the presence of Cooper and the doctor； who stuck to Tollett like wax； the mad people all declared they were very kindly treated。 The reason they were so unanimous was this： they knew by experience that； if they told the truth； the justices could not at once remedy their discomforts； whereas the keepers； the very moment the justices left the house； would knock them down； beat them； shake them； strait…jacket them； and starve them： and the doctor； less merciful； would doctor them。 So they shook in their shoes； and vowed they were very comfortable in Silverton Grove。
Thus； in later days； certain Commissioners of Lunacy inspecting Accomb House； extracted nothing from Mrs。 Turner； but that she was happy and comfortable under the benignant sway of Metcalf the mildthere present。 It was only by a miracle the public learned the truth； and miracles are rare。
Meantime； Alfred had a misgiving。 The plausible doctor had now Squire Tollett's ear； and Tollett was old； and something about him reminded the Oxonian of a trait his friend Horace had detected in old age：
〃Vel quod res omnes timide gelide que ministrat。 Dilator； spe longus； iners；〃 &c。
He knew there was another justice in the house； but he knew also he should not be allowed to get speech with him； if by cunning or force it could be prevented。 He kept his door ajar。 Presently Nurse Hannah came bustling along with an apronful of things； and let herself into a vacant room hard by。 This Hannah was a young woman with a pretty and rather babyish face； diversified by a thick biceps muscle in her arm that a blacksmith need not have blushed for。 And I suspect it was this masculine charm； and not her feminine features； that had won her the confidence of Baker and Co。； and the respect of his female patients： big or little； excited or not excited； there was not one of them this bicipital baby…face could not pin by the wrists； and twist her helpless into a strong…room； or handcuff her unaided in a moment； and she did it； too； on slight provocation。 Nurse Hannah seldom came into Alfred's part of the house； but when she did meet him； she generally gave him a kind look in passing； and he had resolved to speak to her； and try if he could touch her conscience； or move her pity。 He saw what she was at； but was too politic to detect her openly and irritate her。 He drew back a step； and said softly； 〃Nurse Hannah！ Are you there？〃
〃Yes； I am here；〃 said she sharply； and came out of the room hastily； and sh