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very well understand her… that I was ignorant； or nearly so； of the
subject she discussed。 I recalled her to my level。
'And when Miss Temple teaches you； do your thoughts wander then？'
'No； certainly； not often： because Miss Temple has generally
something to say which is newer than my own reflections； her
language is singularly agreeable to me； and the information she
communicates is often just what I wished to gain。'
'Well； then； with Miss Temple you are good？'
'Yes； in a passive way： I make no effort； I follow as inclination
guides me。 There is no merit in such goodness。'
'A great deal： you are good to those who are good to you。 It is all
I ever desire to be。 If people were always kind and obedient to
those who are cruel and unjust； the wicked people would have it all
their own way： they would never feel afraid； and so they would never
alter； but would grow worse and worse。 When we are struck at without a
reason； we should strike back again very hard； I am sure we should… so
hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again。'
'You will change your mind； I hope； when you grow older： as yet you
are but a little untaught girl。'
'But I feel this； Helen； I must dislike those who； whatever I do to
please them； persist in disliking me； I must resist those who punish
me unjustly。 It is as natural as that I should love those who show
me affection； or submit to punishment when I feel it is deserved。'
'Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine； but Christians
and civilised nations disown it。'
'How？ I don't understand。'
'It is not violence that best overcomes hate… nor vengeance that
most certainly heals injury。'
'What then？'
'Read the New Testament； and observe what Christ says； and how He
acts； make His word your rule； and His conduct your example。'
'What does He say？'
'Love your enemies； bless them that curse you； do good to them that
hate you and despitefully use you。'
'Then I should love Mrs。 Reed； which I cannot do； I should bless
her son John； which is impossible。'
In her turn； Helen Burns asked me to explain； and I proceeded
forthwith to pour out； in my own way； the tale of my sufferings and
resentments。 Bitter and truculent when excited； I spoke as I felt；
without reserve or softening。
Helen heard me patiently to the end： I expected she would then make
a remark； but she said nothing。
'Well；' I asked impatiently； 'is not Mrs。 Reed a hard…hearted；
bad woman？'
'She has been unkind to you； no doubt； because you see； she
dislikes your cast of character； as Miss Scatcherd does mine； but
how minutely you remember all she has done and said to you！ What a
singularly deep impression her injustice seems to have made on your
heart！ No ill…usage so brands its record on my feelings。 Would you not
be happier if you tried to forget her severity； together with the
passionate emotions it excited？ Life appears to me too short to be
spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs。 We are； and must be；
one and all； burdened with faults in this world： but the time will
soon come when； I trust； we shall put them off in putting off our
corruptible bodies； when debasement and sin will fall from us with
this cumbrous frame of flesh； and only the spark of the spirit will
remain；… the impalpable principle of light and thought； pure as when
it left the Creator to inspire the creature： whence it came it will
return； perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher than
man… perhaps to pass through gradations of glory； from the pale
human soul to brighten to the seraph！ Surely it Will never； on the
contrary； be suffered to degenerate from man to fiend？ No； I cannot
believe that： I hold another creed： which no one ever taught me； and
which I seldom mention； but in which I delight； and to which I
cling： for it extends hope to all： it makes Eternity a rest… a
mighty home； not a terror and an abyss。 Besides； with this creed； I
can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime； I can
so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last： with this creed
revenge never worries my heart； degradation never too deeply
disgusts me； injustice never crushes me too low： I live in calm；
looking to the end。'
Helen's head； always drooping； sank a little lower as she
finished this sentence。 I saw by her look she wished no longer to talk
to me； but rather to converse with her own thoughts。 She was not
allowed much time for meditation： a monitor； a great rough girl；
presently came up； exclaiming in a strong Cumberland accent…
'Helen Burns； if you don't go and put your drawer in order； and
fold up your work this minute； I'll tell Miss Scatcherd to come and
look at it！'
Helen sighed as her reverie fled； and getting up； obeyed the
monitor without reply as without delay。
CHAPTER VII
MY first quarter at Lowood seemed an age； and not the golden age
either； it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties in
habituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks。 The fear of
failure in these points harassed me worse than the physical
hardships of my lot； though these were no trifles。
During January； February； and part of March； the deep snows； and；
after their melting； the almost impassable roads； prevented our
stirring beyond the garden walls； except to go to church； but within
these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air。 Our
clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severe cold： we had
no boots； the snow got into our shoes and melted there： our ungloved
hands became numbed and covered with chilblains； as were our feet： I
remember well the distracting irritation I endured from this cause
every evening； when my feet inflamed； and the torture of thrusting the
swelled； raw； and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning。 Then the
scanty supply of food was distressing： with the keen appetites of
growing children； we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a
delicate invalid。 From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an
abuse； which pressed hardly on the younger pupils： whenever the
famished great girls had an opportunity； they would coax or menace the
little ones out of their portion。 Many a time I have shared between
two claimants the precious morsel of brown bread distributed at
teatime； and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of my
mug of coffee； I have swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment of
secret tears； forced from me by the exigency of hunger。
Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season。 We had to walk
two miles to Brocklebridge Church； where our patron officiated。 We set
out cold； we arrived at church colder： during the morning service we
became almost paralysed。 It was too far to return to dinner； and an
allowance of cold meat and bread； in the same penurious proportion
observed in our ordinary meals； was served round between the services。
At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed and
hilly road； where the bitter winter wind； blowing over a range of
snowy summits to the north； almost flayed the skin from our faces。
I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along our
drooping line； her plaid cloak； which the frosty wind fluttered；
gathered close about her； and encouraging us； by precept and
example； to keep up our spirits； and march forward； as she said； 'like
stalwart soldiers。' The other teachers； poor things； were generally
themselves too much dejected to attempt the task of cheering others。
How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we
got back！ But； to the little ones at least； this was denied： each
hearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a double row of
great girls； and behind them the younger children crouched in
groups； wrapping their starved arms in their pinafores。
A little solace came at tea…time； in the shape of a double ration
of bread… a whole； instead of a half； slice… with the delicious
addition of a thin scrape of butter： it was the hebdomadal treat to
which we all looked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath。 I generally
contrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself； but
the remainder I was invariably obliged to part with。
The Sunday evening was spent in repeating； by heart； the Church
Catechism； and the fifth； sixth； and seventh chapters of St。
Matthew； and in listening to a long sermon； read by Miss Miller； whose
irrepressible yawns attested her weariness。 A frequent interlude of
these performances was the enactment of the part of Eutychus by some
half…dozen of little girls； who； overpowered with sleep； would fall
down； if not out of the third loft； yet off the fourth form； and be
taken up half dead。 The remedy was； to thrust them forward into the
centre of the schoolroom； and oblige them to stand there till the
sermon was finished。 Sometimes their feet failed them； and they sank
together in a heap； they were then propped up with the monitors'
high stools。
I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr。 Brockle