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part of my acquirements； her friendship and society had been my
continual solace； she had stood me in the stead of mother；
governess； and； latterly； companion。 At this period she married；
removed with her husband （a clergyman； an excellent man； almost worthy
of such a wife） to a distant county； and consequently was lost to me。
From the day she left I was no longer the same： with her was gone
every settled feeling； every association that had made Lowood in
some degree a home to me。 I had imbibed from her something of her
nature and much of her habits： more harmonious thoughts： what seemed
better regulated feelings had become the inmates of my mind。 I had
given in allegiance to duty and order； I was quiet； I believed I was
content： to the eyes of others； usually even to my own； I appeared a
disciplined and subdued character。
But destiny； in the shape of the Rev。 Mr。 Nasmyth； came between
me and Miss Temple： I saw her in her travelling dress step into a
post…chaise； shortly after the marriage ceremony； I watched the chaise
mount the hill and disappear beyond its brow； and then retired to my
own room； and there spent in solitude the greatest part of the
half…holiday granted in honour of the occasion。
I walked about the chamber most of the time。 I imagined myself only
to be regretting my loss； and thinking how to repair it； but when my
reflections were concluded； and I looked up and found that the
afternoon was gone； and evening far advanced； another discovery dawned
on me； namely； that in the interval I had undergone a transforming
process； that my mind had put off all it had borrowed of Miss
Temple… or rather that she had taken with her the serene atmosphere
I had been breathing in her vicinity… and that now I was left in my
natural element； and beginning to feel the stirring of old emotions。
It did not seem as if a prop were withdrawn； but rather as if a motive
were gone： it was not the power to be tranquil which had failed me；
but the reason for tranquillity was no more。 My world had for some
years been in Lowood： my experience had been of its rules and systems；
now I remembered that the real world was wide； and that a varied field
of hopes and fears； of sensations and excitements； awaited those who
had courage to go forth into its expanse； to seek real knowledge of
life amidst its perils。
I went to my window； opened it； and looked out。 There were the
two wings of the building； there was the garden； there were the skirts
of Lowood； there was the hilly horizon。 My eye passed all other
objects to rest on those most remote； the blue peaks； it was those I
longed to surmount； all within their boundary of rock and heath seemed
prison…ground； exile limits。 I traced the white road winding round the
base of one mountain； and vanishing in a gorge between two； how I
longed to follow it farther！ I recalled the time when I had
travelled that very road in a coach； I remembered descending that hill
at twilight； an age seemed to have elapsed since the day which brought
me first to Lowood； and I had never quitted it since。 My vacations had
all been spent at school： Mrs。 Reed had never sent for me to
Gateshead； neither she nor any of her family had ever been to visit
me。 I had had no communication by letter or message with the outer
world： school…rules； school…duties； school…habits and notions； and
voices； and faces； and phrases； and costumes； and preferences； and
antipathies… such was what I knew of existence。 And now I felt that it
was not enough； I tired of the routine of eight years in one
afternoon。 I desired liberty； for liberty I gasped； for liberty I
uttered a prayer； it seemed scattered on the wind then faintly
blowing。 I abandoned it and framed a humbler supplication； for change；
stimulus： that petition； too； seemed swept off into vague space：
'Then；' I cried； half desperate； 'grant me at least a new servitude！'
Here a bell； ringing the hour of supper； called me downstairs。
I was not free to resume the interrupted chain of my reflections
till bedtime： even then a teacher who occupied the same room with me
kept me from the subject to which I longed to recur； by a prolonged
effusion of small talk。 How I wished sleep would silence her。 It
seemed as if； could I but go back to the idea which had last entered
my mind as I stood at the window； some inventive suggestion would rise
for my relief。
Miss Gryce snored at last； she was a heavy Welsh…woman； and till
now her habitual nasal strains had never been regarded by me in any
other light than as a nuisance； to…night I hailed the first deep notes
with satisfaction； I was debarrassed of interruption； my
half…effaced thought instantly revived。
'A new servitude！ There is something in that；' I soliloquised
（mentally； be it understood； I did not talk aloud）。 'I know there
is； because it does not sound too sweet； it is not like such words
as Liberty； Excitement； Enjoyment： delightful sounds truly； but no
more than sounds for me； and so hollow and fleeting that it is mere
waste of time to listen to them。 But Servitude！ That must be matter of
fact。 Any one may serve： I have served here eight years； now all I
want is to serve elsewhere。 Can I not get so much of my own will？ Is
not the thing feasible？ Yes… yes… the end is not so difficult； if I
had only a brain active enough to ferret out the means of attaining
it。'
I sat up in bed by way of arousing this said brain： it was a chilly
night； I covered my shoulders with a shawl； and then I proceeded to
think again with all my might。
'What do I want？ A new place； in a new house； amongst new faces；
under new circumstances： I want this because it is of no use wanting
anything better。 How do people do to get a new place？ They apply to
friends； I suppose： I have no friends。 There are many others who
have no friends； who must look about for themselves and be their own
helpers； and what is their resource？'
I could not tell： nothing answered me； I then ordered my brain to
find a response； and quickly。 It worked and worked faster： I felt
the pulses throb in my head and temples； but for nearly an hour it
worked in chaos； and no result came of its efforts。 Feverish with vain
labour； I got up and took a turn in the room； undrew the curtain；
noted a star or two； shivered with cold； and again crept to bed。
A kind fairy； in my absence； had surely dropped the required
suggestion on my pillow； for as I lay down； it came quietly and
naturally to my mind：… 'Those who want situations advertise； you
'How？ I know nothing about advertising。'
Replies rose smooth and prompt now：…
'You must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it
under a cover directed to the editor of the Herald； you must put it；
the first opportunity you have； into the post at Lowton； answers
must be addressed to J。 E。； at the post…office there； you can go and
inquire in about a week after you send your letter； if any are come；
and act accordingly。'
This scheme I went over twice； thrice； it was then digested in my
mind； I had it in a clear practical form： I felt satisfied； and fell
asleep。
With earliest day； I was up： I had my advertisement written；
enclosed； and directed before the bell rang to rouse the school； it
ran thus：…
'A young lady accustomed to tuition' （had I not been a teacher
two years？） 'is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private
family where the children are under fourteen' （I thought that as I was
barely eighteen； it would not do to undertake the guidance of pupils
nearer my own age）。 'She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a
good English education； together with French； Drawing； and Music'
（in those days； reader； this now narrow catalogue of
accomplishments； would have been held tolerably comprehensive）。
This document remained locked in my drawer all day： after tea； I
asked leave of the new superintendent to go to Lowton； in order to
perform some small commissions for myself and one or two of my
fellow…teachers； permission was readily granted； I went。 It was a walk
of two miles； and the evening was wet； but the days were still long； I
visited a shop or two； slipped the letter into the post…office； and
came back through heavy rain； with streaming garments； but with a
relieved heart。
The succeeding week seemed long： it came to an end at last；
however； like all sublunary things； and once more； towards the close
of a pleasant autumn day； I found myself afoot on the road to
Lowton。 A picturesque track it was； by the way； lying along the side
of the beck and through the sweetest curves of the dale： but that
day I thought more of the letters； that might or might not be awaiting
me at the little burgh whither I was bound； than of the charms of
lea and water。
My ostensible errand on this occasion was to get measured for a
pair of shoes； so I discharged that business first； and when it was
done； I stepped across the clean and quiet little street from the
shoemaker's to the post…office： it was kept by an old dame； who wore
horn spectacles on her