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conference between Bessie and Abbot； I gathered enough of hope to
suffice as a motive for wishing to get well： a change seemed near；…
I desired and waited it in silence。 It tarried； however： days and
weeks passed： I had regained my normal state of health； but no new
allusion was made to the subject over which I brooded。 Mrs。 Reed
surveyed me at times with a severe eye； but seldom addressed me： since
my illness； she had drawn a more marked line of separation than ever
between me and her own children； appointing me a small closet to sleep
in by myself； condemning me to take my meals alone； and pass all my
time in the nursery； while my cousins were constantly in the
drawing…room。 Not a hint； however； did she drop about sending me to
school： still I felt an instinctive certainty that she would not
long endure me under the same roof with her； for her glance； now
more than ever； when turned on me； expressed an insuperable and rooted
aversion。
Eliza and Georgiana； evidently acting according to orders； spoke to
me as little as possible： John thrust his tongue in his cheek whenever
he saw me； and once attempted chastisement； but as I instantly
turned against him； roused by the same sentiment of deep ire and
desperate revolt which had stirred my corruption before； he thought it
better to desist； and ran from me uttering execrations； and vowing I
had burst his nose。 I had indeed levelled at that prominent feature as
hard a blow as my knuckles could inflict； and when I saw that either
that or my look daunted him； I had the greatest inclination to
follow up my advantage to purpose； but he was already with his mama。 I
heard him in a blubbering tone commence the tale of how 'that nasty
Jane Eyre' had flown at him like a mad cat： he was stopped rather
harshly…
'Don't talk to me about her； John： I told you not to go near her；
she is not worthy of notice； I do not choose that either you or your
sisters should associate with her。'
Here； leaning over the banister； I cried out suddenly； and
without at all deliberating on my words…
'They are not fit to associate with me。'
Mrs。 Reed was rather a stout woman； but； on hearing this strange
and audacious declaration； she ran nimbly up the stair； swept me
like a whirlwind into the nursery； and crushing me down on the edge of
my crib； dared me in an emphatic voice to rise from that place； or
utter one syllable during the remainder of the day。
'What would Uncle Reed say to you； if he were alive？' was my
scarcely voluntary demand。 I say scarcely voluntary； for it seemed
as if my tongue pronounced words； without my will consenting to
their utterance： something spoke out of me over which I had no
control。
'What？' said Mrs。 Reed under her breath： her usually cold
composed grey eye became troubled with a look like fear； she took
her hand from my arm； and gazed at me as if she really did not know
whether I were child or fiend。 I was now in for it。
'My Uncle Reed is in heaven； and can see all you do and think；
and so can papa and mama： they know how you shut me up all day long；
and how you wish me dead。'
Mrs。 Reed soon rallied her spirits： she shook me most soundly；
she boxed both my ears； and then left me without a word。 Bessie
supplied the hiatus by a homily of an hour's length； in which she
proved beyond a doubt that I was the most wicked and abandoned child
ever reared under a roof。 I half believed her； for I felt indeed
only bad feelings surging in my breast。
November； December； and half of January passed away。 Christmas
and the New Year had been celebrated at Gateshead with the usual
festive cheer； presents had been interchanged； dinners and evening
parties given。 From every enjoyment I was； of course； excluded： my
share of the gaiety consisted in witnessing the daily apparelling of
Eliza and Georgiana； and seeing them descend to the drawing…room；
dressed out in thin muslin frocks and scarlet sashes； with hair
elaborately ringleted； and afterwards； in listening to the sound of
the piano or the harp played below； to the passing to and fro of the
butler and footman； to the jingling of glass and china as refreshments
were handed； to the broken hum of conversation as the drawing…room
door opened and closed。 When tired of this occupation； I would
retire from the stair…head to the solitary and silent nursery：
there； though somewhat sad； I was not miserable。 To speak truth； I had
not the least wish to go into company； for in company I was very
rarely noticed； and if Bessie had but been kind and companionable； I
should have deemed it a treat to spend the evenings quietly with
her； instead of passing them under the formidable eye of Mrs。 Reed； in
a room full of ladies and gentlemen。 But Bessie； as soon as she had
dressed her young ladies； used to take herself off to the lively
regions of the kitchen and housekeeper's room； generally bearing the
candle along with her。 I then sat with my doll on my knee till the
fire got low； glancing round occasionally to make sure that nothing
worse than myself haunted the shadowy room； and when the embers sank
to a dull red； I undressed hastily； tugging at knots and strings as
I best might； and sought shelter from cold and darkness in my crib。 To
this crib I always took my doll； human beings must love something；
and； in the dearth of worthier objects of affection； I contrived to
find a pleasure in loving and cherishing a faded graven image；
shabby as a miniature scarecrow。 It puzzles me now to remember with
what absurd sincerity I doated on this little toy； half fancying it
alive and capable of sensation。 I could not sleep unless it was folded
in my night…gown； and when it lay there safe and warm； I was
comparatively happy； believing it to be happy likewise。
Long did the hours seem while I waited the departure of the
company； and listened for the sound of Bessie's step on the stairs：
sometimes she would come up in the interval to seek her thimble or her
scissors； or perhaps to bring me something by way of supper… a bun
or a cheese…cake… then she would sit on the bed while I ate it； and
when I had finished； she would tuck the clothes round me； and twice
she kissed me； and said； 'Good night； Miss Jane。' When thus gentle；
Bessie seemed to me the best； prettiest； kindest being in the world；
and I wished most intensely that she would always be so pleasant and
amiable； and never push me about； or scold； or task me unreasonably；
as she was too often wont to do。 Bessie； Lee must； I think； have
been a girl of good natural capacity； for she was smart in all she
did； and had a remarkable knack of narrative； so； at least； I judge
from the impression made on me by her nursery tales。 She was pretty
too； if my recollections of her face and person are correct。 I
remember her as a slim young woman； with black hair； dark eyes； very
nice features； and good； clear complexion； but she had a capricious
and hasty temper； and indifferent ideas of principle or justice：
still； such as she was； I preferred her to any one else at Gateshead
Hall。
It was the fifteenth of January； about nine o'clock in the morning：
Bessie was gone down to breakfast； my cousins had not yet been
summoned to their mama； Eliza was putting on her bonnet and warm
garden…coat to go and feed her poultry； an occupation of which she was
fond： and not less so of selling the eggs to the housekeeper and
hoarding up the money she thus obtained。 She had a turn for traffic；
and a marked propensity for saving； shown not only in the vending of
eggs and chickens； but also in driving hard bargains with the gardener
about flower…roots； seeds； and slips of plants； that functionary
having orders from Mrs。 Reed to buy of his young lady all the products
of her parterre she wished to sell： and Eliza would have sold the hair
off her head if she could have made a handsome profit thereby。 As to
her money； she first secreted it in odd corners； wrapped in a rag or
an old curl…paper； but some of these hoards having been discovered
by the housemaid； Eliza； fearful of one day losing her valued
treasure； consented to intrust it to her mother； at a usurious rate of
interest… fifty or sixty per cent。； which interest she exacted every
quarter； keeping her accounts in a little book with anxious accuracy。
Georgiana sat on a high stool； dressing her hair at the glass；
and interweaving her curls with artificial flowers and faded feathers；
of which she had found a store in a drawer in the attic。 I was
making my bed； having received strict orders from Bessie to get it
arranged before she returned； （for Bessie now frequently employed me
as a sort of under…nurserymaid； to tidy the room； dust the chairs；
etc。）。 Having spread the quilt and folded my night…dress； I went to
the window…seat to put in order some picture…books and doll's house
furniture scattered there； an abrupt command from Georgiana to let her
playthings alone （for the tiny chairs and mirrors； the fairy plates
and cups； were her property） stopped my proceedings； and then； for
lack of other occupation； I fell t