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quite natural： we so continually feel our own imperfections； and
fancy we perceive in others the qualities we do not possess；
attributing to them also all that we enjoy ourselves； that by this
process we form the idea of a perfect； happy man； a man； however；
who only exists in our own imagination。
But when； in spite of weakness and disappointments； we set to work
in earnest； and persevere steadily； we often find； that； though
obliged continually to tack； we make more way than others who have
the assistance of wind and tide； and； in truth； there can be no
greater satisfaction than to keep pace with others or outstrip
them in the race。
November 26。
I begin to find my situation here more tolerable； considering all
circumstances。 I find a great advantage in being much occupied；
and the number of persons I meet； and their different pursuits；
create a varied entertainment for me。 I have formed the acquaintance
of the Count C and I esteem him more and more every day。 He is
a man of strong understanding and great discernment； but； though
he sees farther than other people； he is not on that account cold
in his manner； but capable of inspiring and returning the warmest
affection。 He appeared interested in me on one occasion； when I
had to transact some business with him。 He perceived； at the first
word； that we understood each other； and that he could converse
with me in a different tone from what he used with others。 I
cannot sufficiently esteem his frank and open kindness to me。 It
is the greatest and most genuine of pleasures to observe a great
mind in sympathy with our own。
DECEMBER 24。
As I anticipated； the ambassador occasions me infinite annoyance。
He is the most punctilious blockhead under heaven。 He does
everything step by step； with the trifling minuteness of an old
woman； and he is a man whom it is impossible to please； because
he is never pleased with himself。 I like to do business regularly
and cheerfully； and； when it is finished； to leave it。 But he
constantly returns my papers to me； saying； 〃They will do；〃 but
recommending me to look over them again； as 〃one may always improve
by using a better word or a more appropriate particle。〃 I then
lose all patience； and wish myself at the devil's。 Not a conjunction；
not an adverb； must be omitted： he has a deadly antipathy to all
those transpositions of which I am so fond； and； if the music of
our periods is not tuned to the established； official key； he
cannot comprehend our meaning。 It is deplorable to be connected
with such a fellow。
My acquaintance with the Count C is the only compensation for
such an evil。 He told me frankly； the other day； that he was much
displeased with the difficulties and delays of the ambassador；
that people like him are obstacles； both to themselves and to
others。 〃But；〃 added he； 〃one must submit； like a traveller who
has to ascend a mountain： if the mountain was not there； the road
would be both shorter and pleasanter； but there it is； and he must
get over it。〃
The old man perceives the count's partiality for me： this annoys
him； and； he seizes every opportunity to depreciate the count in
my hearing。 I naturally defend him； and that only makes matters
worse。 Yesterday he made me indignant； for he also alluded to me。
〃The count；〃 he said； 〃is a man of the world； and a good man of
business： his style is good； and he writes with facility； but；
like other geniuses； he has no solid learning。〃 He looked at me
with an expression that seemed to ask if I felt the blow。 But it
did not produce the desired effect： I despise a man who can think
and act in such a manner。 However； I made a stand； and answered
with not a little warmth。 The count； I said； was a man entitled
to respect； alike for his character and his acquirements。 I had
never met a person whose mind was stored with more useful and
extensive knowledge； who had； in fact； mastered such an infinite
variety of subjects； and who yet retained all his activity for the
details of ordinary business。 This was altogether beyond his
comprehension； and I took my leave； lest my anger should be too
highly excited by some new absurdity of his。
And you are to blame for all this； you who persuaded me to bend
my neck to this yoke by preaching a life of activity to me。 If
the man who plants vegetables； and carries his corn to town on
market…days； is not more usefully employed than I am； then let me
work ten years longer at the galleys to which I am now chained。
Oh； the brilliant wretchedness； the weariness； that one is doomed
to witness among the silly people whom we meet in society here！
The ambition of rank！ How they watch； how they toil； to gain
precedence！ What poor and contemptible passions are displayed in
their utter nakedness！ We have a woman here； for example； who
never ceases to entertain the company with accounts of her family
and her estates。 Any stranger would consider her a silly being；
whose head was turned by her pretensions to rank and property； but
she is in reality even more ridiculous； the daughter of a mere
magistrate's clerk from this neighbourhood。 I cannot understand
how human beings can so debase themselves。
Every day I observe more and more the folly of judging of others
by ourselves； and I have so much trouble with myseif； and my own
heart is in such constant agitation； that I am well content to let
others pursue their own course； if they only allow me the same
privilege。
What provokes me most is the unhappy extent to which distinctions
of rank are carried。 I know perfectly well how necessary are
inequalities of condition； and I am sensible of the advantages I
myself derive therefrom； but I would not have these institutions
prove a barrier to the small chance of happiness which I may enjoy
on this earth。
I have lately become acquainted with a Miss B； a very agreeable
girl； who has retained her natural manners in the midst of artificial
life。 Our first conversation pleased us both equally； and； at
taking leave； I requested permission to visit her。 She consented
in so obliging a manner； that I waited with impatience for the
arrival of the happy moment。 She is not a native of this place；
but resides here with her aunt。 The countenance of the old lady
is not prepossessing。 I paid her much attention； addressing the
greater part of my conversation to her； and； in less than half an
hour； I discovered what her niece subsequently acknowledged to me；
that her aged aunt； having but a small fortune； and a still smaller
share of understanding； enjoys no satisfaction except in the
pedigree of her ancestors； no protection save in her noble birth；
and no enjoyment but in looking from her castle over the heads of
the humble citizens。 She was； no doubt； handsome in her youth；
and in her early years probably trifled away her time in rendering
many a poor youth the sport of her caprice： in her riper years she
has submitted to the yoke of a veteran officer； who； in return for
her person and her small independence； has spent with her what we
may designate her age of brass。 He is dead； and she is now a
widow； and deserted。 She spends her iron age alone； and would not
be approached； except for the loveliness of her niece。
JANUARY 8； 1772。
What beings are men； whose whole thoughts are occupied with form
and ceremony； who for years together devote their mental and
physical exertions to the task of advancing themselves but one
step； and endeavouring to occupy a higher place at the table。 Not
that such persons would otherwise want employment： on the contrary；
they give themselves much trouble by neglecting important business
for such petty trifles。 Last week a question of precedence arose
at a sledging…party； and all our amusement was spoiled。
The silly creatures cannot see that it is not place which constitutes
real greatness； since the man who occupies the first place but
seldom plays the principal part。 How many kings are governed by
their ministers how many ministers by their secretaries？ Who； in
such cases； is really the chief？ He； as it seems to me； who can
see through the others； and possesses strength or skill enough to
make their power or passions subservient to the execution of his
own designs。
JANUARY 20。
I must write to you from this place； my dear Charlotte； from a
small room in a country inn； where I have taken shelter from a
severe storm。 During my whole residence in that wretched place
D； where I lived amongst strangers； strangers； indeed； to
this heart； I never at any time felt the smallest inclination
to correspond with you； but in this cottage； in this retirement；
in this solitude； with the snow and hail beating against my
lattice…pane； you are my first thought。 The instant I entered；
your figure rose up before me； and the remembrance！ O my Charlotte；
the sacred； tender remembrance！ Gracious Heaven！ restore to me
the happy moment of our first acquaintance。
Could you but see me； my dear Charlotte； in the whirl of
dissipation； how my senses are dried up； but my heart is at no
time full。 I enjoy no single moment of happiness： all is vain
nothing touches me。 I stand； as it wer