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not to pant for its enjoyment。 And now； behold me like a silly
fellow； staring with astonishment when another comes in； and
deprives me of my love。
I bite my lips； and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to
be resigned； because there is no help for it。 Let me escape from
the yoke of such silly subterfuges！ I ramble through the woods；
and when I return to Charlotte； and find Albert sitting by her
side in the summer…house in the garden； I am unable to bear it；
behave like a fool； and commit a thousand extravagances。 〃For
Heaven's sake；〃 said Charlotte today； 〃let us have no more scenes
like those of last night！ You terrify me when you are so violent。〃
Between ourselves； I am always away now when he visits her： and I
feel delighted when I find her alone。
AUGUST 8。
Believe me； dear Wilhelm； I did not allude to you when I spoke so
severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate。 I
did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment。
But in fact you are right。 I only suggest one objection。 In this
world one is seldom reduced to make a selection between two
alternatives。 There are as many varieties of conduct and opinion
as there are turns of feature between an aquiline nose and a flat
one。
You will； therefore； permit me to concede your entire argument；
and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma。
Your position is this； I hear you say： 〃Either you have hopes of
obtaining Charlotte； or you have none。 Well； in the first case；
pursue your course； and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes。
In the second； be a man； and shake off a miserable passion； which
will enervate and destroy you。〃 My dear friend； this is well and
easily said。
But would you require a wretched being； whose life is slowly wasting
under a lingering disease； to despatch himself at once by the
stroke of a dagger？ Does not the very disorder which consumes his
strength deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance？
You may answer me； if you please； with a similar analogy； 〃Who
would not prefer the amputation of an arm to the periling of life
by doubt and procrastination！〃 But I know not if I am right； and
let us leave these comparisons。
Enough！ There are moments； Wilhelm； when I could rise up and shake
it all off； and when； if I only knew where to go； I could fly from
this place。
THE SAME EVENING。
My diary； which I have for some time neglected； came before me
today； and I am amazed to see how deliberately I have entangled
myself step by step。 To have seen my position so clearly； and
yet to have acted so like a child！ Even still I behold the
result plainly； and yet have no thought of acting with greater
prudence。
AUGUST lO。
If I were not a fool； I could spend the happiest and most delightful
life here。 So many agreeable circumstances； and of a kind to
ensure a worthy man's happiness； are seldom united。 Alas！ I feel
it too sensibly； the heart alone makes our happiness！ To be
admitted into this most charming family； to be loved by the father
as a son； by the children as a father； and by Charlotte！ then the
noble Albert； who never disturbs my happiness by any appearance
of ill…humour； receiving me with the heartiest affection； and
loving me； next to Charlotte； better than all the world！ Wilhelm；
you would be delighted to hear us in our rambles； and conversations
about Charlotte。 Nothing in the world can be more absurd than our
connection； and yet the thought of it often moves me to tears。
He tells me sometimes of her excellent mother； how； upon her
death…bed； she had committed her house and children to Charlotte；
and had given Charlotte herself in charge to him； how； since that
time； a new spirit had taken possession of her； how； in care and
anxiety for their welfare； she became a real mother to them； how
every moment of her time was devoted to some labour of love in
their behalf； and yet her mirth and cheerfulness had never
forsaken her。 I walk by his side； pluck flowers by the way； arrange
them carefully into a nosegay； then fling them into the first
stream I pass； and watch them as they float gently away。 I forget
whether I told you that Albert is to remain here。 He has received
a government appointment； with a very good salary； and I understand
he is in high favour at court。 I have met few persons so punctual
and methodical in business。
AUGUST 12。
Certainly Albert is the best fellow in the world。 I had a strange
scene with him yesterday。 I went to take leave of him； for I took
it into my head to spend a few days in these mountains； from where
I now write to you。 As I was walking up and down his room； my eye
fell upon his pistols。 〃Lend me those pistols；〃 said I； 〃for my
journey。〃 〃By all means；〃 he replied； 〃if you will take the
trouble to load them； for they only hang there for form。〃 I
took down one of them； and he continued； 〃Ever since I was near
suffering for my extreme caution； I will have nothing to do with
such things。〃 I was curious to hear the story。 〃I was staying；〃
said he； 〃some three months ago； at a friend's house in the country。
I had a brace of pistols with me； unloaded； and I slept without
any anxiety。 One rainy afternoon I was sitting by myself； doing
nothing； when it occurred to me I do not know how that the house
might be attacked； that we might require the pistols； that we might
in short； you know how we go on fancying； when we have nothing
better to do。 I gave the pistols to the servant； to clean and
load。 He was playing with the maid； and trying to frighten her；
when the pistol went off God knows how！ the ramrod was in
the barrel； and it went straight through her right hand； and
shattered the thumb。 I had to endure all the lamentation； and to
pay the surgeon's bill； so； since that time； I have kept all my
weapons unloaded。 But； my dear friend； what is the use of prudence？
We can never be on our guard against all possible dangers。 However；〃
now； you must know I can tolerate all men till they come to
〃however；〃 for it is self…evident that every universal rule
must have its exceptions。 But he is so exceedingly accurate； that；
if he only fancies he has said a word too precipitate； or too
general； or only half true； he never ceases to qualify； to modify；
and extenuate； till at last he appears to have said nothing at
all。 Upon this occasion； Albert was deeply immersed in his
subject： I ceased to listen to him； and became lost in reverie。
With a sudden motion； I pointed the mouth of the pistol to my
forehead； over the right eye。 〃What do vou mean？〃 cried Albert；
turning back the pistol。 〃It is not loaded；〃 said I。 〃And even
if not；〃 he answered with impatience； 〃what can you mean？ I
cannot cornprehend how a man can be so mad as to shoot himself；
and the bare idea of it shocks me。〃
〃But why should any one；〃 said I； 〃in speaking of an action； venture
to pronounce it mad or wise； or good or bad？ What is the meaning
of all this？ Have you carefully studied the secret motives of our
actions？ Do you understand can you explain the causes which
occasion them； and make them inevitable？ If you can； you will be
less hasty with your decision。〃
〃But you will allow；〃 said Albert； 〃that some actions are criminal；
let them spring from whatever motives they may。〃 I granted it；
and shrugged my shoulders。
〃But still； my good friend；〃 I continued； 〃there are some exceptions
here too。 Theft is a crime； but the man who commits it from extreme
poverty； with no design but to save his family from perishing； is
he an object of pity； or of punishment？ Who shall throw the first
stone at a husband； who； in the heat of just resentment； sacrifices
his faithless wife and her perfidious seducer？ or at the young
maiden； who； in her weak hour of rapture； forgets herself in the
impetuous joys of love？ Even our laws； cold and cruel as they
are； relent in such cases； and withhold their punishment。〃
〃That is quite another thing；〃 said Albert； 〃because a man under
the influence of violent passion loses alI power of reflection；
and is regarded as intoxicated or insane。〃
〃Oh！ you people of sound understandings；〃 I replied； smiling； 〃are
ever ready to exclaim 'Extravagance； and madness； and intoxication！'
You moral men are so calm and so subdued！ You abhor the drunken
man； and detest the extravagant； you pass by； like the Levite；
and thank God； like the Pharisee； that you are not like one of
them。 I have been more than once intoxicated； my passions have
always bordered on extravagance： I am not ashamed to confess it；
for I have learned； by my own experience； that all extraordinary
men； who have accomplished great and astonishing actions； have
ever been decried by the world as drunken or insane。 And in
private life； too； is it not intolerable that no one can undertake
the execution of a noble or generous deed； without giving rise to
the exclamation that the doer is intoxicated or mad？ Shame upon
you； ye sages！〃
〃This is another of your extravagant humours；〃 said Albert： 〃you
always exaggerate a case； and in this matter you are undoubtedly
wrong； for we were speaking of suicide； which you compare with
great actions； w