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his faith。 Newman's conversion； he found； had meant something
more to him than he had first realised。 It had seemed to come as
a call to the redoubling of his Anglican activities； but
supposing； in reality； it were a call towards something very
differenttowards an abandonment of those activities altogether？
It might be 'a trial'； or again it might be a 'leading'； how was
he to judge？ Already； before his illness； these doubts had begun
to take possession of his mind。 'I am conscious to myself；' he
wrote in his Diary； 'of an extensively changed feeling towards
the Church of Rome 。。。 The Church of England seems to me to be
diseased： 1。 ORGANICALLY （six sub…headings）。 2。 FUNCTIONALLY
（seven subheadings） 。。。 Wherever it seems healthy； it
approximates the system of Rome。' Then thoughts of the Virgin
Mary suddenly began to assail him ：
'（1） If John the Baptist were sanctified from the womb；
how much more the B。V。！
（2） If Enoch and Elijah were exempted from death； why
not the B。V。 from sin？
（3） It is a strange way of loving the Son to slight the
mother！'
The arguments seemed irresistible； and a few weeks later the
following entry occurs 'Strange thoughts have visited me：
（1） I have felt that the Episcopate of the Church of England is
secularised and bound down beyond hope。。。。
（2） I feel as if a light had fallen upon me。 My feeling about the
Roman Church is not intellectual。 I have intellectual
difficulties； but the great moral difficulties seem melting。
（3） Something keeps rising and saying； 〃You will end in the Roman
Church〃。'
He noted altogether twenty…five of these 'strange thoughts'。 His
mind hovered anxiously round
'（1） The Incarnation； （2） The Real Presence； i。
Regeneration； ii。 Eucharist； and （3） The Exaltation of S。 M。
and Saints。'
His twenty…second strange thought was as follows： 'How do I know
where I may be two years hence？ Where was Newman five years ago？'
It was significant； but hardly surprising； that； after his
illness； Manning should have chosen to recuperate in Rome。 He
spent several months there； and his Diary during the whole of
that period is concerned entirely with detailed descriptions of
churches； ceremonies； and relics； and with minute accounts of
conversations with priests and nuns。 There is not a single
reference either to the objects of art or to the antiquities of
the place； but another omission was still more remarkable。
Manning had a long interview with Pius IX； and his only record of
it is contained in the bald statement： 'Audience today at the
Vatican'。 Precisely what passed on that occasion never
transpired； all that is known is that His Holiness expressed
considerable surprise on learning from the Archdeacon that the
chalice was used in the Anglican Church in the administration of
Communion。 'What！' he exclaimed； is the same chalice made use of
by everyone？' 'I remember the pain I felt；' said Manning； long
afterwards； 'at seeing how unknown we were to the Vicar of Jesus
Christ。 It made me feel our isolation。'
On his return to England； he took up once more the work in his
Archdeaconry with what appetite he might。 Ravaged by doubt；
distracted by speculation； he yet managed to maintain an outward
presence of unshaken calm。 His only confidant was Robert
Wilberforce； to whom； for the next two years； he poured forth in
a series of letters； headed 'UNDER THE SEAL' to indicate that
they contained the secrets of the confessional the whole
history of his spiritual perturbations。 The irony of his position
was singular； for； during the whole of this time； Manning was
himself holding back from the Church of Rome a host of hesitating
penitents by means of arguments which he was at the very moment
denouncing as fallacious to his own confessor。 But what else
could he do？ When he received； for instance； a letter such as the
following from an agitated lady； what was he to say？
'MY DEAR FATHER IN CHRIST；
'。。。 I am sure you would pity me and like to help me； if you knew
the unhappy； unsettled state my mind is in； and the misery of
being ENTIRELY； WHEREVER I AM； with those who look upon joining
the Church of Rome as the most awful 〃fall〃 conceivable to any
one； and are devoid of the smallest comprehension of how any
enlightened person can do it。 。。。 My old Evangelical friends；
with all my deep； deep love for them； do not succeed in shaking
me in the least。 。。。
'My brother has just published a book called 〃Regeneration〃；
which all my friends are reading and highly extolling； it has a
very contrary effect to what he would desire on my mind。 I can
read and understand it all in an altogether different sense； and
the facts which he quotes about the articles as drawn up in 1536；
and again in 1552； and of the Irish articles of 1615 and 1634；
STARTLE and SHAKE me about the Reformed Church in England far
more than anything else； and have done so ever since I first saw
them in Mr。 Maskell's pamphlet （as quoted from Mr Dodsworth's）。
'I do hope you have some time and thought to pray for me still。
Mr。 Galton's letters long ago grew into short formal notes； which
hurt me and annoyed me particularly； and I never answered his
last； so； literally； I have no one to say things to and get help
from； which in one sense is a comfort when my convictions seem to
be leading me on and on； and gaining strength in spite of all the
dreariness of my lot。
'Do you know I can't help being very anxious and unhappy about
poor Sister Harriet。 I am afraid of her GOING OUT OF HER MIND。
She comforts herself by an occasional outpouring of everything to
me； and I had a letter this morning。 。。。 She says Sister May has
promised the Vicar never to talk to her or allow her to talk on
the subject with her； and I doubt whether this can be good for
her； because though she has lost her faith； she says； in the
Church of England； yet she never thinks of what she could have
faith in； and resolutely without inquiring into the question
determines riot to be a Roman Catholic； so that really； you see；
she is allowing her mind to run adrift and yet perfectly
powerless。
'Forgive my troubling you with this letter； and believe me to be
always your faithful； grateful and affectionate daughter；
'EMMA RYLE。
'P。S。 I wish I could see you once more so very much。'
How was Manning； a director of souls； and a clergyman of the
Church of England； to reply that in sober truth there was very
little to choose between the state of mind of Sister Emma； or
even of Sister Harriet； and his own？ The dilemma was a grievous
one： when a soldier finds himself fighting for a cause in which
he has lost faith； it is treachery to stop； and it is treachery
to go on。
At last； in the seclusion of his library； Manning turned in
agony to those old writings which had provided Newman with so
much instruction and assistance； perhaps the Fathers would do
something for him as well。 He ransacked the pages of St。 Cyprian
and St。 Cyril； he went through the complete works of St。 Optatus
and St。 Leo； he explored the vast treatises of Tertullian and
Justin Martyr。 He had a lamp put into his phaeton； so that he
might lose no time during his long winter drives。 There he sat；
searching St。 Chrysostom for some mitigation of his anguish；
while he sped along between the hedges to distant sufferers； to
whom he duly administered the sacraments according to the rites
of the English Church。 He hurried back to commit to his Diary the
analysis of his reflections； and to describe； under the mystic
formula of secrecy； the intricate workings of his conscience to
Robert Wilberforce。 But； alas！ he was no Newman； and even the
fourteen folios of St。 Augustine himself； strange to say； gave
him very little help。
The final propulsion was to come from an entirely different
quarter。 In November； 1847； the Reverend Mr。 Gorham was presented
by the Lord Chancellor to the living of Bramford Speke in the
diocese of Exeter。 The Bishop； Dr。 Phillpotts； was a High
Churchman； and he had reason to believe that Mr。 Gorham held
evangelical opinions； he therefore subjected him to an
examination on doctrine； which took the form partly of a verbal
interrogatory； lasting thirty…eight hours； and partly of a series
of one hundred and forty…nine written questions。 At the end of
the examination he came to the conclusion that Mr。 Gorham held
heretical views on the subject of Baptismal Regeneration； and he
therefore refused to institute。 Mr。 Gorham； thereupon； took
proceedings against the Bishop in the Court of Arches。 He lost
his case； and he then appealed to the judicial Committee of the
Privy Council。
The questions at issue were taken very seriously by a large
number of persons。 In the first place； there was the question of
Baptismal Regeneration itself。 This is by no means an easy one to
disenta