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china to look after； and there was her father to be read to after
dinner。 Mrs。 Nightingale could not understand it； and then one
day her perplexity was changed to consternation and alarm。
Florence announced an extreme desire to go to Salisbury Hospital
for several months as a nurse； and she confessed to some
visionary plan of eventually setting up in a house of her own in
a neighbouring village； and there founding 'something like a
Protestant Sisterhood； without vows； for women of educated
feelings'。 The whole scheme was summarily brushed aside as
preposterous； and Mrs。 Nightingale； after the first shock of
terror； was able to settle down again more or less comfortably to
her embroidery。 But Florence； who was now twenty…five and felt
that the dream of her life had been shattered； came near to
desperation。
And； indeed； the difficulties in her path were great。 For not
only was it an almost unimaginable thing in those days for a
woman of means to make her own way in the world and to live in
independence； but the particular profession for which Florence
was clearly marked out both by her instincts and her capacities
was at that time a peculiarly disreputable one。 A 'nurse' meant
then a coarse old woman； always ignorant； usually dirty； often
brutal； a Mrs。 Gamp； in bunched…up sordid garments； tippling at
the brandy bottle or indulging in worse irregularities。 The
nurses in the hospitals were especially notorious for immoral
conduct； sobriety was almost unknown among them； and they could
hardly be trusted to carry out the simplest medical duties。
Certainly； things HAVE changed since those days； and that they
have changed is due； far more than to any other human being； to
Miss Nightingale herself。 It is not to be wondered at that her
parents should have shuddered at the notion of their daughter
devoting her life to such an occupation。 'It was as if；' she
herself said afterwards； 'I had wanted to be a kitchen…maid。' Yet
the want； absurd and impracticable as it was； not only remained
fixed immovably in her heart； but grew in intensity day by day。
Her wretchedness deepened into a morbid melancholy。 Everything
about her was vile； and she herself； it was clear； to have
deserved such misery； was even viler than her surroundings。 Yes；
she had sinned'standing before God's judgment seat'。 'No one；'
she declared； 'has so grieved the Holy Spirit'； of that she was
quite certain。 It was in vain that she prayed to be delivered
from vanity and hypocrisy； and she could not bear to smile or to
be gay； 'because she hated God to hear her laugh； as if she had
not repented of her sin'。
A weaker spirit would have been overwhelmed by the load of such
distresses would have yielded or snapped。 But this
extraordinary young woman held firm； and fought her way to
victory。 With an amazing persistency； during the eight years that
followed her rebuff over Salisbury Hospital； she struggled and
worked and planned。 While superficially she was carrying on the
life of a brilliant girl in high society； while internally she
was a prey to the tortures of regret and of remorse； she yet
possessed the energy to collect the knowledge and to undergo the
experience which alone could enable her to do what she had
determined she would do in the end。 In secret she devoured the
reports of medical commissions； the pamphlets of sanitary
authorities； the histories of hospitals and homes。 She spent the
intervals of the London season in ragged schools and workhouses。
When she went abroad with her family； she used her spare time so
well that there was hardly a great hospital in Europe with which
she was not acquainted； hardly a great city whose shims she had
not passed through。 She managed to spend some days in a convent
school in Rome； and some weeks as a 'Soeur de Charite' in Paris。
Then； while her mother and sister were taking the waters at
Carlsbad； she succeeded in slipping off to a nursing institution
at Kaiserswerth； where she remained for more than three months。
This was the critical event of her life。 The experience which she
gained as a nurse at Kaiserswerth formed the foundation of all
her future action and finally fixed her in her career。
But one other trial awaited her。 The allurements of the world she
had brushed aside with disdain and loathing； she had resisted the
subtler temptation which； in her weariness； had sometimes come
upon her； of devoting her baffled energies to art or literature；
the last ordeal appeared in the shape of a desirable young man。
Hitherto； her lovers had been nothing to her but an added burden
and a mockery； but now for a moment she wavered。 A new
feeling swept over hera feeling which she had never known
before which she was never to know again。 The most powerful and
the profoundest of all the instincts of humanity laid claim upon
her。 But it rose before her； that instinct； arrayedhow could it
be otherwise？ in the inevitable habiliments of a Victorian
marriage； and she had the strength to stamp it underfoot。 'I have
an intellectual nature which requires satisfaction；' she noted；
'and that would find it in him。 I have a passionate nature which
requires satisfaction； and that would find it in him。 I have a
moral； an active nature which requires satisfaction； and that
would not find it in his life。 Sometimes I think that I will
satisfy my passionate nature at all events。 。。。'
But no； she knew in her heart that it could not be。 'To be nailed
to a continuation and exaggeration of my present life 。。。 to put
it out of my power ever to be able to seize the chance of forming
for myself a true and rich life'that would be a suicide。 She
made her choice； and refused what was at least a certain
happiness for a visionary good which might never come to her at
all。 And so she returned to her old life of waiting and
bitterness。 'The thoughts and feelings that I have now；' she
wrote； 'I can remember since I was six years old。 A profession； a
trade； a necessary occupation； something to fill and employ all
my faculties； I have always felt essential to me； I have always
longed for。 The first thought I can remember； and the last； was
nursing work； and in the absence of this； education work； but
more the education of the bad than of the young。。。 Everything
has been tried foreign travel； kind friends； everything。 My
God！ What is to become of me？' A desirable young man？ Dust and
ashes！ What was there desirable in such a thing as that？ 'In my
thirty…first year；' she noted in her diary； 'I see nothing
desirable but death。'
Three more years passed； and then at last the pressure of time
told； her family seemed to realise that she was old enough and
strong enough to have her way； and she became the superintendent
of a charitable nursing home in Harley Street。 She had gained her
independence； though it was in a meagre sphere enough； and her
mother was still not quite resigned： surely Florence might at
least spend the summer in the country。 At times； indeed； among
her intimates； Mrs。 Nightingale almost wept。 'We are ducks；' she
said with tears in her eyes； 'who have hatched a wild swan。' But
the poor lady was wrong； it was not a swan that they had hatched；
it was an eagle。
II
Miss NIGHTINGALE had been a year in her nursing…home in Harley
Street； when Fate knocked at the door。 The Crimean War broke out；
the battle of the Alma was fought； and the terrible condition of
our military hospitals at Scutari began to be known in England。
It sometimes happens that the plans of Providence are a little
difficult to follow； but on this occasion all was plain； there
was a perfect coordination of events。 For years Miss Nightingale
had been getting ready； at last she was prepared experienced；
free； mature； yet still young （she was thirty…four） desirous to
serve； accustomed to command： at that precise moment the
desperate need of a great nation came； and she was there to
satisfy it。 If the war had fallen a few years earlier； she would
have lacked the knowledge； perhaps even the power； for such a
work； a few years later and she would； no doubt； have been fixed
in the routine of some absorbing task； and moreover； she would
have been growing old。
Nor was it only the coincidence of time that was remarkable。 It
so fell out that Sidney Herbert was at the War Office and in the
Cabinet； and Sidney Herbert was an intimate friend of Miss
Nightingale's； convinced； from personal experience in charitable
work； of her supreme capacity。 After such premises； it seems
hardly more than a matter of course that her letter； in which she
offered her services for the East； and Sidney Herbert's letter；
in which he asked for them； should actually have crossed in the
post。 Thus it all happened； without a hitch。 The appointment was
made and even Mrs。 Nightingale； overawed by the magnitude of the
venture； could only approve。 A pair of faithful friends offered
themselves a