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from this world to the next-第18章

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parts; I passed in the whole court for a fool; this flattery was

a very sweet morsel to me。  I therefore got this fellow preferred

to a bishopric; but I lost my flatterer by it; for he never

afterwards said a civil thing to me。  



〃I never balked my imagination for the grossness of the

reflection on the character of the greatest noblenay; even the

king himself; of which I will give you a very bold instance。  One

day his simple majesty told me he believed I had so much power

that his people looked on me as the king; and himself as my fool。



At this I pretended to be angry; as with an affront。  'Why; how

now?' says the king; 'are you ashamed of being a king?' 'No;

sir;' says I; 'but I am devilishly ashamed of my fool。'



〃Herbert; earl of Vermandois; had by my means been restored to

the favor of the Simple (for so I used always to call Charles)。 

He afterwards prevailed with the king to take the city of Arras

from earl Baldwin; by which means; Herbert; in exchange for this

city; had Peronne restored to him by count Altmar。  Baldwin came

to court in order to procure the restoration of his city; but;

either through pride or ignorance; neglected to apply to me。  As

I met him at court during his solicitation; I told him he did not

apply the right way; he answered roughly he should not ask a

fool's advice。  I replied I did not wonder at his prejudice;

since he had miscarried already by following a fool's advice; but

I told him there were fools who had more interest than that he

had brought with him to court。  He answered me surlily he had no

fool with him; for that he traveled alone。  'Ay; my lord;' says

I; 'I often travel alone; and yet they will have it I always

carry a fool with me。'  This raised a laugh among the

by…standers; on which he gave me a blow。  I immediately

complained of this  usage to the Simple; who dismissed the earl

from court with very hard words; instead of granting him the

favor he solicited。



〃I give you these rather as a specimen of my interest and

impudence than of my witindeed; my jests were commonly more

admired than they ought to be; for perhaps I was not in reality

much more a wit than a fool。  But; with the latitude of unbounded

scurrility; it is easy enough to attain the character of wit;

especially in a court; where; as all persons hate and envy one

another heartily; and are at the same time obliged by the

constrained behavior of civility to profess the greatest liking;

so it is; and must be; wonderfully pleasant to them to see the

follies of their acquaintance exposed by a third person。 

Besides; the opinion of the court is as uniform as the fashion;

and is always guided by the will of the prince or of the

favorite。  I doubt not that Caligula's horse was universally held

in his court to be a good and able consul。  In the same manner

was I universally acknowledged to be the wittiest fool in the

world。  Every word I said raised laughter; and was held to be a

jest; especially by the ladies; who sometimes laughed before I

had discovered my sentiment; and often repeated that as a jest

which I did not even intend as one。



〃I was as severe on the ladies as on the men; and with the same

impunity; but this at last cost me dear:  for once having joked

on the beauty of a lady whose name was Adelaide; a favorite of

the Simple's; she pretended to smile and be pleased at my wit

with the rest of the company; but in reality she highly resented

it; and endeavored to undermine me with the king。  In which she

so greatly succeeded (for what cannot a favorite woman do with

one who deserves the surname of Simple?) that the king grew every

day more reserved to me; and when I attempted any freedom gave me

such marks of his displeasure; that the courtiers who have all

hawks' eyes at a slight from the sovereign; soon discerned it:

and indeed; had I been blind enough not to have discovered that I

had lost ground in the Simple's favor by his own change in his

carriage towards me; I must have found it; nay even felt it; in

the behavior of the courtiers:  for; as my company was two days

before solicited with the utmost eagerness; it was now rejected

with as much scorn。  I was now the jest of the ushers and pages;

and an officer of the guards; on whom I was a little jocose; gave

me a box on the ear; bidding me make free with my equals。  This

very fellow had been my butt for many years; without daring to

lift his hand against me。



〃But though I visibly perceived the alteration in the Simple; I

was utterly unable to make any guess at the occasion。  I had not

the least suspicion of Adelaide; for; besides her being a very

good…humored woman; I had often made severe jests on her

reputation; which I had all the reason imaginable to believe had

given her no offense。  But I soon perceived that a woman will

bear the most bitter censures on her morals easier than the

smallest reflection on her beauty; for she now declared publicly;

that I ought to be dismissed from court; as the stupidest of

fools; and one in whom there was no diversion; and that she

wondered how any person could have so little taste as to imagine

I had any wit。  This speech was echoed through the drawing…room;

and agreed to by all present。  Every one now put on an unusual

gravity on their countenance whenever I spoke; and it was as much

out of my power to raise a laugh as formerly it had been for me

to open my mouth without one。



〃While my affairs were in this posture I went one day into the

circle without my fool's dress。  The Simple; who would still

speak to me; cried out; 'So; fool; what's the matter now?' 

'Sir;' answered I; 'fools are like to be so common a commodity at

court; that I am weary of my coat。'  'How dost thou mean?'

answered the Simple; 'what can make them commoner now than

usual?''O; sir;' said I; 'there are ladies here make your

majesty a fool every day of their lives。'  The Simple took no

notice of my jest; and several present said my bones ought to be

broke for my impudence; but it pleased the queen; who; knowing

Adelaide; whom she hated; to be the cause of my disgrace;

obtained me of the king; and took me into her service; so that I

was henceforth called the queen's fool; and in her court received

the same honor; and had as much wit; as I had formerly had in the

king's。  But as the queen had really no power unless over her own

domestics; I was not treated in general with that complacence;

nor did I receive those bribes and presents; which had once

fallen to my share。  



〃Nor did this confined respect continue long:  for the queen; who

had in fact no taste for humor; soon grew sick of my foolery;

and; forgetting the cause for which she had taken me; neglected

me so much; that her court grew intolerable to my temper; and I

broke my heart and died。  



〃Minos laughed heartily at several things in my story; and

then; telling me no one played the fool in Elysium; bid me go

back again。〃





CHAPTER XIX



Julian appears in the character of a beggar。



〃I now returned to Rome; and was born into a very poor and

numerous family; which; to be honest with you; procured its

livelihood by begging。  This; if you was never yourself of the

calling; you do not know; I suppose; to be as regular a trade as

any other; to have its several rules and secrets; or mysteries;

which to learn require perhaps as tedious an apprenticeship as

those of any craft whatever。



〃The first thing we are taught is the countenance miserable。 

This indeed nature makes much easier to some than others; but

there are none who cannot accomplish it; if they begin early

enough in youth; and before the muscles are grown too stubborn。



〃The second thing is the voice lamentable。  In this qualification

too; nature must have her share in producing the most consummate

excellence:  however; art will here; as in every other instance;

go a great way with industry and application; even without the

assistance of genius; especially if the student begins young。



〃There are many other instructions; but these are the most

considerable。  The women are taught one practice more than the

men; for they are instructed in the art of crying; that is; to

have their tears ready on all occasions:  but this is attained

very easily by most。  Some indeed arrive at the utmost perfection

in this art with incredible facility。



〃No profession requires a deeper insight into human nature than

the beggar's。  Their knowledge of the passions of men is so

extensive; that I have often thought it would be of no little

service to a politician to have his education among them。  Nay;

there is a much greater analogy between these two characters than

is imagined; for both concur in their first and grand principle;

it being equally their business to delude and impose on mankind。 

It must be confessed that they differ widely in the degree of

advantage which they make by their deceit;
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