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〃My infancy was spent in my father's house； in those childish
plays which are most suitable to that state； and I think this was
one of the happiest parts of my life； for my parents were not
among the number of those who look upon their children as so many
objects of a tyrannic power； but I was regarded as the dear
pledge of a virtuous love； and all my little pleasures were
thought from their indulgence their greatest delight。 At seven
years old I was carried into France with the king's sister； who
was married to the French king； where I lived with a person of
quality； who was an acquaintance of my father's。 I spent my time
in learning those things necessary to give young persons of
fashion a polite education； and did neither good nor evil； but
day passed after day in the same easy way till I was fourteen；
then began my anxiety； my vanity grew strong； and my heart
fluttered with joy at every compliment paid to my beauty： and as
the lady with whom I lived was of a gay； cheerful disposition；
she kept a great deal of company； and my youth and charms made me
the continual object of their admiration。 I passed some little
time in those exulting raptures which are felt by every woman
perfectly satisfied with herself and with the behavior of others
towards her： I was； when very young； promoted to be maid of
honor to her majesty。 The court was frequented by a young
nobleman whose beauty was the chief subject of conversation in
all assemblies of ladies。 The delicacy of his person； added to a
great softness in his manner； gave everything he said and did
such an air of tenderness； that every woman he spoke to flattered
herself with being the object of his love。 I was one of those
who was vain enough of my own charms to hope to make a conquest
of him whom the whole court sighed for。 I now thought every
other object below my notice； yet the only pleasure I proposed to
myself in this design was； the triumphing over that heart which I
plainly saw all the ladies of the highest quality and the
greatest beauty would have been proud of possessing。 I was yet
too young to be very artful； but nature； without any assistance；
soon discovers to a man who is used to gallantry a woman's desire
to be liked by him； whether that desire arises from any
particular choice she makes of him； or only from vanity。 He soon
perceived my thoughts； and gratified my utmost wishes by
constantly preferring me before all other women； and exerting his
utmost gallantry and address to engage my affections。 This
sudden happiness； which I then thought the greatest I could have
had； appeared visible in all my actions； I grew so gay and so
full of vivacity that it made my person appear still to a better
advantage； all my acquaintance pretending to be fonder of me than
ever： though； young as I was； I plainly saw it was but pretense；
for through all their endeavors to the contrary envy would often
break forth in sly insinuations and malicious sneers； which gave
me fresh matter of triumph； and frequent opportunities of
insulting them； which I never let slip； for now first my female
heart grew sensible of the spiteful pleasure of seeing another
languish for what I enjoyed。 Whilst I was in the height of my
happiness her majesty fell ill of a languishing distemper； which
obliged her to go into the country for the change of air： my
place made it necessary for me to attend her； and which way he
brought it about I can't imagine； but my young hero found means
to be one of that small train that waited on my royal mistress；
although she went as privately as possible。 Hitherto all the
interviews I had ever had with him were in public； and I only
looked on him as the fitter object to feed that pride which had
no other view but to show its power； but now the scene was quite
changed。 My rivals； were all at a distance： the place we went
to was as charming as the most agreeable natural situation；
assisted by the greatest art； could make it； the pleasant
solitary walks the singing of birds； the thousand pretty romantic
scenes this delightful place afforded； gave a sudden turn to my
mind； my whole soul was melted into softness； and all my vanity
was fled。 My spark was too much used to affairs of this nature
not to perceive this change； at first the profuse transports of
his joy made me believe him wholly mine； and this belief gave me
such happiness that no language affords words to express it； and
can be only known to those who have felt it。 But this was of a
very short duration； for I soon found I had to do with one of
those men whose only end in the pursuit of a woman is to make her
fall a victim to an insatiable desire to be admired。 His designs
had succeeded； and now he every day grew colder； and； as if by
infatuation； my passion every day increased； and； notwithstanding
all my resolutions and endeavors to the contrary； my rage at the
disappointment at once both of my love and pride； and at the
finding a passion fixed in my breast I knew not how to conquer；
broke out into that inconsistent behavior which must always be
the consequence of violent passions。 One moment I reproached
him； the next I grew to tenderness and blamed myself； and thought
I fancied what was not true： he saw my struggle and triumphed in
it； but； as he had not witnesses enough there of his victory to
give him the full enjoyment of it； he grew weary of the country
and returned to Paris； and left me in a condition it is utterly
impossible to describe。 My mind was like a city up in arms； all
confusion； and every new thought was a fresh disturber of my
peace。 Sleep quite forsook me； and the anxiety I suffered threw
me into a fever which had like to have cost me my life。 With
great care I recovered； but the violence of the distemper left
such a weakness on my body that the disturbance of my mind was
greatly assuaged； and now I began to comfort myself in the
reflection that this gentleman's being a finished coquette was
very likely the only thing could have preserved me； for he was
the only man from whom I was ever in any danger。 By that time I
was got tolerably well we returned to Paris； and I confess I both
wished and feared to see this cause of all my pain： however； I
hoped； by the help of my resentment； to be able to meet him with
indifference。 This employed my thoughts till our arrival。 The
next day there was a very full court to congratulate the queen on
her recovery； and amongst the rest my love appeared dressed and
adorned as if he designed some new conquest。 Instead of seeing a
woman he despised and slighted； he approached me with that
assured air which is common to successful coxcombs。 At the same
time I perceived I was surrounded by all those ladies who were on
his account my greatest enemies； and； in revenge； wished for
nothing more than to see me make a ridiculous figure。 This
situation so perplexed my thoughts； that when he came near enough
to speak to me； I fainted away in his arms。 Had I studied which
way I could gratify him most； it was impossible to have done
anything to have pleased him more。 Some that stood by brought
smelling…bottles； and used means for my recovery； and I was
welcomed to returning life by all those repartees which women
enraged by envy are capable of venting。 One cried 'Well； I never
thought my lord had anything so frightful in his person or so
fierce in his manner as to strike a young lady dead at the sight
of him。' 'No； no；' says another； 'some ladies' senses are more
apt to be hurried by agreeable than disagreeable objects。' With
many more such sort of speeches which showed more malice than
wit。 This not being able to bear； trembling； and with but just
strength enough to move； I crawled to my coach and hurried home。
When I was alone； and thought on what had happened to me in a
public court； I was at first driven to the utmost despair； but
afterwards； when I came to reflect； I believe this accident
contributed more to my being cured of my passion than any other
could have done。 I began to think the only method to pique the
man who had used me so barbarously； and to be revenged on my
spiteful rivals； was to recover that beauty which was then
languid and had lost its luster； to let them see I had still
charms enough to engage as many lovers as I could desire； and
that I could yet rival them who had thus cruelly insulted me。
These pleasing hopes revived my sinking spirits。 and worked a
more effectual cure on me than all the philosophy and advice of
the wisest men could have done。 I now employed all my time and
care in adorning my person； and studying the surest means of
engaging the affections of others； while I myself continued quite
indifferent； for I resolved for the future； if ever one soft
thought made its way to my heart； to fly the object of it； and by
new lovers to drive the image from my breast。 I consulted my
glass every morning； and g