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from this world to the next-第7章

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drop of it; but throw it away; or give it to any other who will

receive it; by which means some who were not disgusted by the

nauseousness drank double and treble portions。  I observed a

beautiful young female; who; tasting it immediately from

curiosity; screwed up her face and cast it from her with great

disdain; whence advancing presently to the wheel; she drew a

coronet; which she clapped up so eagerly that I could not

distinguish the degree; and indeed I observed several of the same

sex; after a very small sip; throw the bottles away。  As soon as

the spirit is dismissed by the operator; or apothecary; he is at

liberty to approach the wheel; where he hath a right to extract a

single lot:  but those whom Fortune favors she permits sometimes

secretly to draw three or four。  I observed a comical kind of

figure who drew forth a handful; which; when he opened; were a

bishop; a general; a privy…counselor; a player; and a poet…

laureate; and; returning the three first; he walked off; smiling;

with the two last。  Every single lot contained two more articles;

which were generally disposed so as to render the lots as equal

as possible to each other; on one was written; EARL; RICHES;

HEALTH; DISQUIETUDE; on another; COBLER; SICKNESS; GOOD…HUMOR; on

a third; POET; CONTEMPT; SELF…SATISFACTION; on a fourth; GENERAL;

HONOR; DISCONTENT; on a fifth; COTTAGE; HAPPY LOVE; on a sixth;

COACH AND SIX; IMPOTENT JEALOUS HUSBAND; on a seventh; PRIME

MINISTER; DISGRACE; on an eighth; PATRIOT; GLORY; on a ninth;

PHILOSOPHER; POVERTY; EASE; on a tenth; MERCHANT; RICHES; CARE。 

And indeed the whole seemed to contain such a mixture of good and

evil; that it would have puzzled me which to choose。  I must not

omit here that in every lot was directed whether the drawer

should marry or remain in celibacy; the married lots being all

marked with a large pair of horns。  We were obliged; before we

quitted this place; to take each of us an emetic from the

apothecary; which immediately purged us of all our earthly

passions; and presently the cloud forsook our eyes; as it doth

those of Aeneas in Virgil; when removed by Venus; and we

discerned things in a much clearer light than before。  We began

to compassionate those spirits who were making their entry into

the flesh; whom we had till then secretly envied; and to long

eagerly for those delightful plains which now opened themselves

to our eyes; and to which we now hastened with the utmost

eagerness。  On our way we met with several spirits with very

dejected countenances; but our expedition would not suffer us to

ask any questions。  At length we arrived at the gate of Elysium。 

Here was a prodigious crowd of spirits waiting for admittance;

some of whom were admitted; and some were rejected; for all were

strictly examined by the porter; whom I soon discovered to be the

celebrated judge Minos。





CHAPTER VII



The proceedings of judge Minos at the gate of Elysium。



I now got near enough to the gate to hear the several claims of

those who endeavored to pass。  The first among other pretensions;

set forth that he had been very liberal to an hospital; but Minos

answered; 〃Ostentation;〃 and repulsed him。  The second exhibited

that he had constantly frequented his church; been a rigid

observer of fast…days:  he likewise represented the great

animosity he had shown to vice in others; which never escaped his

severest censure; and as to his own behavior; he had never been

once guilty of whoring; drinking; gluttony; or any other excess。 

He said he had disinherited his son for getting a bastard。  〃Have

you so?〃 said Minos; 〃then pray return into the other world and

beget another; for such an unnatural rascal shall never pass this

gate。〃  A dozen others; who had advanced with very confident

countenances; seeing him rejected; turned about of their own

accord; declaring; if he could not pass; they had no expectation;

and accordingly they followed him back to earth; which was the

fate of all who were repulsed; they being obliged to take a

further purification; unless those who were guilty of some very

heinous crimes; who were hustled in at a little back gate; whence

they tumbled immediately into the bottomless pit。



The next spirit that came up declared he had done neither good

nor evil in the world; for that since his arrival at man's estate

he had spent his whole time in search of curiosities; and

particularly in the study of butterflies; of which he had

collected an immense number。  Minos made him no answer; but with

great scorn pushed him back。  There now advanced a very beautiful

spirit indeed。  She began to ogle Minos the moment she saw him。 

She said she hoped there was some merit in refusing a great

number of lovers; and dying a maid; though she had had the choice

of a hundred。  Minos told her she had not refused enow yet; and

turned her back。



She was succeeded by a spirit who told the judge he believed his

works would speak for him。  〃What works?〃 answered Minos。  〃My

dramatic works;〃 replied the other; 〃which have done so much good

in recommending virtue and punishing vice。〃  〃Very well;〃 said

the judge; 〃if you please to stand by; the first person who

passes the gate by your means shall carry you in with him; but;

if you will take my advice; I think; for expedition sake; you had

better return; and live another life upon earth。〃  The bard

grumbled at this; and replied that; besides his poetical works;

he had done some other good things:  for that he had once lent

the whole profits of a benefit…night to a friend; and by that

means had saved him and his family from destruction。  Upon this

the gate flew open; and Minos desired him to walk in; telling

him; if he had mentioned this at first; he might have spared the

remembrance of his plays。  The poet answered; he believed; if

Minos had read his works; he would set a higher value on them。 

He was then beginning to repeat; but Minos pushed him forward;

and; turning his back to him; applied himself to the next

passenger; a very genteel spirit; who made a very low bow to

Minos; and then threw himself into an erect attitude; and

imitated the motion of taking snuff with his right hand。  Minos

asked him what he had to say for himself。  He answered; he would

dance a minuet with any spirit in Elysium:  that he could

likewise perform all his other exercises very well; and hoped he

had in his life deserved the character of a perfect fine

gentleman。  Minos replied it would be great pity to rob the world

of so fine a gentleman; and therefore desired him to take the

other trip。  The beau bowed; thanked the judge; and said he

desired no better。



Several spirits expressed much astonishment at this his

satisfaction; but we were afterwards informed he had not taken

the emetic above mentioned。



A miserable old spirit now crawled forwards; whose face I thought

I had formerly seen near Westminster Abbey。  He entertained Minos

with a long harangue of what he had done when in the HOUSE; and

then proceeded to inform him how much he was worth; without

attempting to produce a single instance of any one good action。 

Minos stopped the career of his discourse; and acquainted him he

must take a trip back again。



〃What! to S house?〃 said the spirit in an ecstasy; but the

judge; without making him any answer; turned to another; who with

a very solemn air and great dignity; acquainted him he was a

duke。  〃To the right…about; Mr。 Duke;〃 cried Minos; 〃you are

infinitely too great a man for Elysium;〃 and then; giving him a

kick on the bch; he addressed himself to a spirit who; with

fear and trembling; begged he might not go to the bottomless pit:

he said he hoped Minos would consider that; though he had gone

astray; he had suffered for itthat it was necessity which drove

him to the robbery of eighteenpence; which he had committed; and

for which he was hangedthat he had done some good actions in

his lifethat he had supported an aged parent with his labor

that he had been a very tender husband and a kind fatherand

that he had ruined himself by being bail for his friend。  At

which words the gate opened; and Minos bade him enter; giving him

a slap on the back as he passed by him。  A great number of

spirits now came forwards; who all declared they had the same

claim; and that the captain should speak for them。  He acquainted

the judge that they had been all slain in the service of their

country。  Minos was going to admit them; but had the curiosity to

ask who had been the invader; in order; as he said; to prepare

the back gate for him。  The captain answered they had been the

invaders themselvesthat they had entered the enemy's country;

and burned and plundered several cities。  〃And for what reason?〃

said Minos。  〃By the command of him who paid us;〃 said the

captain; 〃that is the reason of a soldier。  We are to execute

whatever we are commanded; or we should be a disgrace to 
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