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Mr。 Theobald had not writ about it sufficiently； there were three
or four more new editions of his plays coming out； which he hoped
would satisfy every one： concluding； 〃I marvel nothing so much
as that men will gird themselves at discovering obscure beauties
in an author。 Certes the greatest and most pregnant beauties are
ever the plainest and most evidently striking； and when two
meanings of a passage can in the least balance our judgments
which to prefer； I hold it matter of unquestionable certainty
that neither of them is worth a farthing。〃 From his works our
conversation turned on his monument； upon which； Shakespeare；
shaking his sides； and addressing himself to Milton； cried out；
〃On my word； brother Milton； they have brought a noble set of
poets together； they would have been hanged erst have ＇ere they
had＇ convened such a company at their tables when alive。〃 〃True；
brother；〃 answered Milton； 〃unless we had been as incapable of
eating then as we are now。〃
CHAPTER IX
More adventures in Elysium。
A crowd of spirits now joined us； whom I soon perceived to be the
heroes； who here frequently pay their respects to the several
bards the recorders of their actions。 I now saw Achilles and
Ulysses addressing themselves to Homer； and Aeneas and Julius
Caesar to Virgil： Adam went up to Milton； upon which I whispered
Mr。 Dryden that I thought the devil should have paid his
compliments there； according to his opinion。 Dryden only
answered； 〃I believe the devil was in me when I said so。〃
Several applied themselves to Shakespeare； amongst whom Henry V
made a very distinguishing appearance。 While my eyes were fixed
on that monarch a very small spirit came up to me； shook me
heartily by the hand； and told me his name was THOMAS THUMB。 I
expressed great satisfaction in seeing him； nor could I help
speaking my resentment against the historian； who had done such
injustice to the stature of this great little man； which he
represented to be no bigger than a span； whereas I plainly
perceived at first sight he was full a foot and a half （and the
37th part of an inch more； as he himself informed me）； being
indeed little shorter than some considerable beaux of the present
age。 I asked this little hero concerning the truth of those
stories related of him； viz。； of the pudding； and the cow's
belly。 As to the former； he said it was a ridiculous legend；
worthy to be laughed at； but as to the latter； he could not help
owning there was some truth in it： nor had he any reason to be
ashamed of it； as he was swallowed by surprise； adding； with
great fierceness； that if he had had any weapon in his hand the
cow should have as soon swallowed the devil。
He spoke the last word with so much fury； and seemed so
confounded； that； perceiving the effect it had on him； I
immediately waived the story； and； passing to other matters； we
had much conversation touching giants。 He said； so far from
killing any； he had never seen one alive； that he believed those
actions were by mistake recorded of him； instead of Jack the
giant…killer； whom he knew very well； and who had； he fancied；
extirpated the race。 I assured him to the contrary； and told him
I had myself seen a huge tame giant； who very complacently stayed
in London a whole winter； at the special request of several
gentlemen and ladies； though the affairs of his family called him
home to Sweden。
I now beheld a stern…looking spirit leaning on the shoulder of
another spirit； and presently discerned the former to be Oliver
Cromwell； and the latter Charles Martel。 I own I was a little
surprised at seeing Cromwell here； for I had been taught by my
grandmother that he was carried away by the devil himself in a
tempest； but he assured me； on his honor； there was not the least
truth in that story。 However； he confessed he had narrowly
escaped the bottomless pit； and； if the former part of his
conduct had not been more to his honor than the latter； he had
been certainly soused into it。 He was； nevertheless； sent back
to the upper world with this lot：ARMY； CAVALIER； DISTRESS。
He was born； for the second time； the day of Charles II's
restoration； into a family which had lost a very considerable
fortune in the service of that prince and his father； for which
they received the reward very often conferred by princes on real
merit； viz。000。 At 16 his father bought a small commission for
him in the army； in which he served without any promotion all the
reigns of Charles II and of his brother。 At the Revolution he
quitted his regiment； and followed the fortunes of his former
master； and was in his service dangerously wounded at the famous
battle of the Boyne； where he fought in the capacity of a private
soldier。 He recovered of this wound； and retired after the
unfortunate king to Paris； where he was reduced to support a wife
and seven children （for his lot had horns in it） by cleaning
shoes and snuffing candles at the opera。 In which situation；
after he had spent a few miserable years； he died half…starved
and broken…hearted。 He then revisited Minos； who；
compassionating his sufferings by means of that family； to whom
he had been in his former capacity so bitter an enemy； suffered
him to enter here。
My curiosity would not refrain asking him one question； i。 e。；
whether in reality he had any desire to obtain the crown？ He
smiled； and said； 〃No more than an ecclesiastic hath to the
miter； when he cries Nolo episcopari。〃 Indeed； he seemed to
express some contempt at the question； and presently turned away。
A venerable spirit appeared next； whom I found to be the great
historian Livy。 Alexander the Great； who was just arrived from
the palace of death； passed by him with a frown。 The historian；
observing it； said； 〃Ay； you may frown； but those troops which
conquered the base Asiatic slaves would have made no figure
against the Romans。〃 We then privately lamented the loss of the
most valuable part of his history； after which he took occasion
to commend the judicious collection made by Mr。 Hook； which； he
said； was infinitely preferable to all others； and at my
mentioning Echard's he gave a bounce； not unlike the going off of
a squib； and was departing from me； when I begged him to satisfy
my curiosity in one pointwhether he was really superstitious or
no？ For I had always believed he was till Mr。 Leibnitz had
assured me to the contrary。 He answered sullenly； 〃Doth Mr。
Leibnitz know my mind better than myself？〃 and then walked away。
CHAPTER X
The author is surprised at meeting Julian the apostate in
Elysium； but is satisfied by him by what means he procured his
entrance there。 Julian relates his adventures in the character
of a slave。
As he was departing I heard him salute a spirit by the name of
Mr。 Julian the apostate。 This exceedingly amazed me； for I had
concluded that no man ever had a better title to the bottomless
pit than he。 But I soon found that this same Julian the apostate
was also the very individual archbishop Latimer。 He told me that
several lies had been raised on him in his former capacity； nor
was he so bad a man as he had been represented。 However； he had
been denied admittance； and forced to undergo several subsequent
pilgrimages on earth； and to act in the different characters of a
slave； a Jew； a general； an heir； a carpenter； a beau； a monk； a
fiddler； a wise man； a king； a fool； a beggar； a prince； a
statesman； a soldier； a tailor； an alderman； a poet； a knight； a
dancing…master； and three times a bishop； before his martyrdom；
which； together with his other behavior in this last character；
satisfied the judge； and procured him a passage to the blessed
regions。
I told him such various characters must have produced incidents
extremely entertaining； and if he remembered all； as I supposed
he did； and had leisure； I should be obliged to him for the
recital。 He answered he perfectly recollected every
circumstance； and as to leisure； the only business of that happy
place was to contribute to the happiness of each other。 He
therefore thanked me for adding to his； in proposing to him a
method of increasing mine。 I then took my little darling in one
hand； and my favorite fellow…traveler in the other； and； going
with him to a sunny bank of flowers； we all sat down； and he
began as follows： 〃I suppose you are sufficiently acquainted
with my story during the time I acted the part of the emperor
Julian； though I assure you all which hath been related of me is
not true； particularly with regard to the many prodigies
forerunning my death。 However； they are now very little worth
disputing； and if they can serve any purpose of the historian
they are extremely at his service。 〃My next entrance into the
world was at Laodicea； in Syria； in a Roman family of no great
note； and； being of a roving disposition； I came at th