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creature； the fifes shrilled and the drums beat； and
the tall imposing figure of the colonel moved along…
side the man； just as before。 Then； suddenly； the
colonel stopped； and rapidly approached a man in
the ranks。
〃'I'll teach you to hit him gently；' I heard his
furious voice say。 'Will you pat him like that？
Will you？' and I saw how his strong hand in the
suede glove struck the weak； bloodless； terrified
soldier for not bringing down his stick with suffi…
cient strength on the red neck of the Tartar。
〃'Bring new sticks！' he cried； and looking
round； he saw me。 Assuming an air of not know…
ing me； and with a ferocious； angry frown； he
hastily turned away。 I felt so utterly ashamed
that I didn't know where to look。 It was as if I
had been detected in a disgraceful act。 I dropped
my eyes； and quickly hurried home。 All the way
I had the drums beating and the fifes whistling in
my ears。 And I heard the words； 'Brothers； have
mercy on me！' or 'Will you pat him？ Will
you？' My heart was full of physical disgust that
was almost sickness。 So much so that I halted sev…
eral times on my way； for I had the feeling that I
was going to be really sick from all the horrors
that possessed me at that sight。 I do not remem…
ber how I got home and got to bed。 But the mo…
ment I was about to fall asleep I heard and saw
again all that had happened； and I sprang up。
〃'Evidently he knows something I do not
know；' I thought about the colonel。 'If I knew
what he knows I should certainly graspunder…
standwhat I have just seen； and it would not
cause me such suffering。'
〃But however much I thought about it； I could
not understand the thing that the colonel knew。
It was evening before I could get to sleep； and then
only after calling on a friend and drinking till I；
was quite drunk。
〃Do you think I had come to the conclusion that
the deed I had witnessed was wicked？ Oh； no。
Since it was done with such assurance； and was rec…
ognised by every one as indispensable； they doubt…
less knew something which I did not know。 So I
thought； and tried to understand。 But no matter；
I could never understand it； then or afterwards。
And not being able to grasp it； I could not enter
the service as I had intended。 I don't mean only
the military service： I did not enter the Civil Serv…
ice either。 And so I have been of no use whatever；
as you can see。〃
〃Yes； we know how useless you've been；〃 said
one of us。 〃Tell us； rather； how many people
would be of any use at all if it hadn't been for
you。〃
〃Oh； that's utter nonsense；〃 said Ivan Vasilie…
vich； with genuine annoyance。
〃Well； and what about the love affair？
〃My love？ It decreased from that day。
When； as often happened； she looked dreamy and
meditative； I instantly recollected the colonel on
the parade ground； and I felt so awkward and
uncomfortable that I began to see her less fre…
quently。 So my love came to naught。 Yes； such
chances arise； and they alter and direct a man's
whole life；〃 he said in summing up。 〃And you
say 。 。 。〃