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erewhon revisited-第3章

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read his few opening chapters; but I had found; as a boy naturally
would; that the succeeding pages were a little dull; and soon put
the book aside。  My father; indeed; repeatedly urged me not to read
it; for he said there was much in itmore especially in the
earlier chapters; which I had alone found interestingthat he
would gladly cancel if he could。  〃But there!〃 he had said with a
laugh; 〃what does it matter?〃

He had hardly left; before I read his book from end to end; and; on
having done so; not only appreciated the risks that he would have
to run; but was struck with the wide difference between his
character as he had himself portrayed it; and the estimate I had
formed of it from personal knowledge。  When; on his return; he
detailed to me his adventures; the account he gave of what he had
said and done corresponded with my own ideas concerning him; but I
doubt not the reader will see that the twenty years between his
first and second visit had modified him even more than so long an
interval might be expected to do。

I heard from him repeatedly during the first two months of his
absence; and was surprised to find that he had stayed for a week or
ten days at more than one place of call on his outward journey。  On
November 26 he wrote from the port whence he was to start for
Erewhon; seemingly in good health and spirits; and on December 27;
1891; he telegraphed for a hundred pounds to be wired out to him at
this same port。  This puzzled both Mr。 Cathie and myself; for the
interval between November 26 and December 27 seemed too short to
admit of his having paid his visit to Erewhon and returned; as;
moreover; he had added the words; 〃Coming home;〃 we rather hoped
that he had abandoned his intention of going there。

We were also surprised at his wanting so much money; for he had
taken a hundred pounds in gold; which from some fancy; he had
stowed in a small silver jewel…box that he had given my mother not
long before she died。  He had also taken a hundred pounds worth of
gold nuggets; which he had intended to sell in Erewhon so as to
provide himself with money when he got there。

I should explain that these nuggets would be worth in Erewhon fully
ten times as much as they would in Europe; owing to the great
scarcity of gold in that country。  The Erewhonian coinage is
entirely silverwhich is abundant; and worth much what it is in
Englandor copper; which is also plentiful; but what we should
call five pounds' worth of silver money would not buy more than one
of our half…sovereigns in gold。

He had put his nuggets into ten brown holland bags; and he had had
secret pockets made for the old Erewhonian dress which he had worn
when he escaped; so that he need never have more than one bag of
nuggets accessible at a time。  He was not likely; therefore; to
have been robbed。  His passage to the port above referred to had
been paid before he started; and it seemed impossible that a man of
his very inexpensive habits should have spent two hundred pounds in
a single monthfor the nuggets would be immediately convertible in
an English colony。  There was nothing; however; to be done but to
cable out the money and wait my father's arrival。

Returning for a moment to my father's old Erewhonian dress; I
should say that he had preserved it simply as a memento and without
any idea that he should again want it。  It was not the court dress
that had been provided for him on the occasion of his visit to the
king and queen; but the everyday clothing that he had been ordered
to wear when he was put in prison; though his English coat;
waistcoat; and trousers had been allowed to remain in his own
possession。  These; I had seen from his book; had been presented by
him to the queen (with the exception of two buttons; which he had
given to Yram as a keepsake); and had been preserved by her
displayed upon a wooden dummy。  The dress in which he escaped had
been soiled during the hours that he and my mother had been in the
sea; and had also suffered from neglect during the years of his
poverty; but he wished to pass himself off as a common peasant or
working…man; so he preferred to have it set in order as might best
be done; rather than copied。

So cautious was he in the matter of dress that he took with him the
boots he had worn on leaving Erewhon; lest the foreign make of his
English boots should arouse suspicion。  They were nearly new; and
when he had had them softened and well greased; he found he could
still wear them quite comfortably。

But to return。  He reached home late at night one day at the
beginning of February; and a glance was enough to show that he was
an altered man。  〃What is the matter?〃 said I; shocked at his
appearance。  〃Did you go to Erewhon; and were you ill…treated
there?〃

〃I went to Erewhon;〃 he said; 〃and I was not ill…treated there; but
I have been so shaken that I fear I shall quite lose my reason。  Do
not ask me more now。  I will tell you about it all to…morrow。  Let
me have something to eat; and go to bed。〃

When we met at breakfast next morning; he greeted me with all his
usual warmth of affection; but he was still taciturn。  〃I will
begin to tell you about it;〃 he said; 〃after breakfast。  Where is
your dear mother?  How was it that I have 。 。 。 〃

Then of a sudden his memory returned; and he burst into tears。

I now saw; to my horror; that his mind was gone。  When he
recovered; he said:  〃It has all come back again; but at times now
I am a blank; and every week am more and more so。  I daresay I
shall be sensible now for several hours。  We will go into the study
after breakfast; and I will talk to you as long as I can do so。〃

Let the reader spare me; and let me spare the reader any
description of what we both of us felt。

When we were in the study; my father said; 〃My dearest boy; get pen
and paper and take notes of what I tell you。  It will be all
disjointed; one day I shall remember this; and another that; but
there will not be many more days on which I shall remember anything
at all。  I cannot write a coherent page。  You; when I am gone; can
piece what I tell you together; and tell it as I should have told
it if I had been still sound。  But do not publish it yet; it might
do harm to those dear good people。  Take the notes now; and arrange
them the sooner the better; for you may want to ask me questions;
and I shall not be here much longer。  Let publishing wait till you
are confident that publication can do no harm; and above all; say
nothing to betray the whereabouts of Erewhon; beyond admitting
(which I fear I have already done) that it is in the Southern
hemisphere。〃

These instructions I have religiously obeyed。  For the first days
after his return; my father had few attacks of loss of memory; and
I was in hopes that his former health of mind would return when he
found himself in his old surroundings。  During these days he poured
forth the story of his adventures so fast; that if I had not had a
fancy for acquiring shorthand; I should not have been able to keep
pace with him。  I repeatedly urged him not to overtax his strength;
but he was oppressed by the fear that if he did not speak at once;
he might never be able to tell me all he had to say; I had;
therefore; to submit; though seeing plainly enough that he was only
hastening the complete paralysis which he so greatly feared。

Sometimes his narrative would be coherent for pages together; and
he could answer any questions without hesitation; at others; he was
now here and now there; and if I tried to keep him to the order of
events he would say that he had forgotten intermediate incidents;
but that they would probably come back to him; and I should perhaps
be able to put them in their proper places。

After about ten days he seemed satisfied that I had got all the
facts; and that with the help of the pamphlets which he had brought
with him I should be able to make out a connected story。
〃Remember;〃 he said; 〃that I thought I was quite well so long as I
was in Erewhon; and do not let me appear as anything else。〃

When he had fully delivered himself; he seemed easier in his mind;
but before a month had passed he became completely paralysed; and
though he lingered till the beginning of June; he was seldom more
than dimly conscious of what was going on around him。

His death robbed me of one who had been a very kind and upright
elder brother rather than a father; and so strongly have I felt his
influence still present; living and working; as I believe for
better within me; that I did not hesitate to copy the epitaph which
he saw in the Musical Bank at Fairmead; {1} and to have it
inscribed on the very simple monument which he desired should alone
mark his grave。

* * *

The foregoing was written in the summer of 1891; what I now add
should be dated December 3; 1900。  If; in the course of my work; I
have misrepresented my father; as I fear I may have sometimes done;
I would ask my readers to remember that no man can tell another's
story without some involuntary misrepresentation both of facts and
characters。  They will; of course; see that 〃Erewhon Revisited〃 is
written by one who has far less literary skill than the autho
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