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r health； which could only be re…established by the bracing moorland air and free life of home。 Tabby's illness had preyed on the family resources。 I doubt whether Branwell was maintaining himself at this time。 For some unexplained reason； he had given up the idea of becoming a student of painting at the Royal Academy； and his prospects in life were uncertain； and had yet to be settled。 So Charlotte had quietly to take up her burden of teaching again； and return to her previous monotonous life。
Brave heart； ready to die in harness！ She went back to her work； and made no complaint； hoping to subdue the weakness that was gaining ground upon her。 About this time； she would turn sick and trembling at any sudden noise； and could hardly repress her screams when startled。 This showed a fearful degree of physical weakness in one who was generally so self…controlled； and the medical man； whom at length； through Miss W…'s entreaty； she was led to consult； insisted on her return to the parsonage。 She had led too sedentary a life； he said； and the soft summer air； blowing round her home； the sweet company of those she loved； the release； the freedom of life in her own family； were needed； to save either reason or life。 So； as One higher than she had over… ruled that for a time she might relax her strain； she returned to Haworth； and after a season of utter quiet； her father sought for her the enlivening society of her two friends； Mary and Martha T。 At the conclusion of the following letter； written to the then absent E。； there is； I think； as pretty a glimpse of a merry group of young people as need be； and like all descriptions of doing； as distinct from thinking or feeling； in letters； it saddens one in proportion to the vivacity of the picture of what was once； and is now utterly swept away。
〃Haworth； June 9； 1838。
〃I received your packet of despatches on Wednesday； it was brought me by Mary and Martha； who have been staying at Haworth for a few days； they leave us to…day。 You will be surprised at the date of this letter。 I ought to be at Dewsbury Moor； you know； but I stayed as long as I was able； and at length I neither could nor dared stay any longer。 My health and spirits had utterly failed me； and the medical man whom I consulted enjoined me； as I valued my life； to go home。 So home I went； and the change has at once roused and soothed me； and I am now； I trust； fairly in the way to be myself again。
〃A calm and even mind like yours cannot conceive the feelings of the shattered wretch who is now writing to you； when； after weeks of mental and bodily anguish not to be described； something like peace began to dawn again。 Mary is far from well。 She breathes short； has a pain in her chest； and frequent flushings of fever。 I cannot tell you what agony these symptoms give me； they remind me too strongly of my two sisters； whom no power of medicine could save。 Martha is now very well； she has kept in a continual flow of good humour during her stay here； and has consequently been very fascinating 。 。 。 〃
〃They are making such a noise about me I cannot write any more。 Mary is playing on the piano； Martha is chattering as fast as her little tongue can run； and Branwell is standing before her； laughing at her vivacity。〃
Charlotte grew much stronger in this quiet； happy period at home。 She paid occasional visits to her two great friends； and they in return came to Haworth。 At one of their houses； I suspect； she met with the person to whom the following letter referssome one having a slight resemblance to the character of 〃St。 John；〃 in the last volume of 〃Jane Eyre；〃 and； like him； in holy orders。
〃March 12； 1839。
。 。 。 〃I had a kindly leaning towards him； because he is an amiable and well…disposed man。 Yet I had not； and could not have； that intense attachment which would make me willing to die for him； and if ever I marry； it must be in that light of adoration that I will regard my husband。 Ten to one I shall never have the chance again； but N'IMPORTE。 Moreover； I was aware that he knew so little of me he could hardly be conscious to whom he was writing。 Why！ it would startle him to see me in my natural home character； he would think I was a wild； romantic enthusiast indeed。 I could not sit all day long making a grave face before my husband。 I would laugh； and satirize； and say whatever came into my head first。 And if he were a clever man； and loved me； the whole world； weighed in the balance against his smallest wish； should be light as air。〃
So thather first proposal of marriagewas quietly declined and put on one side。 Matrimony did not enter into the scheme of her life； but good； sound； earnest labour did； the question； however； was as yet undecided in what direction she should employ her forces。 She had been discouraged in literature； her eyes failed her in the minute kind of drawing which she practised when she wanted to express an idea； teaching seemed to her at this time； as it does to most women at all times； the only way of earning an independent livelihood。 But neither she nor her sisters were naturally fond of children。 The hieroglyphics of childhood were an unknown language to them； for they had never been much with those younger than themselves。 I am inclined to think； too； that they had not the happy knack of imparting information； which seems to be a separate gift from the faculty of acquiring it； a kind of sympathetic tact； which instinctively perceives the difficulties that impede comprehension in a child's mind； and that yet are too vague and unformed for it； with its half…developed powers of expression； to explain by words。 Consequently； teaching very young children was anything but a 〃delightful task〃 to the three Bronte sisters。 With older girls； verging on womanhood； they might have done better； especially if these had any desire for improvement。 But the education which the village clergyman's daughters had received； did not as yet qualify them to undertake the charge of advanced pupils。 They knew but little French； and were not proficients in music； I doubt whether Charlotte could play at all。 But they were all strong again； and； at any rate； Charlotte and Anne must put their shoulders to the wheel。 One daughter was needed at home； to stay with Mr。 Bronte and Miss Branwell； to be the young and active member in a household of four； whereof threethe father； the aunt； and faithful Tabby were past middle age。 And Emily； who suffered and drooped more than her sisters when away from Haworth； was the one appointed to remain。 Anne was the first to meet with a situation。
〃April 15th； 1839。
〃I could not write to you in the week you requested； as about that time we were very busy in preparing for Anne's departure。 Poor child！ she left us last Monday； no one went with her； it was her own wish that she might be allowed to go alone； as she thought she could manage better and summon more courage if thrown entirely upon her own resources。 We have had one letter from her since she went。 She expresses herself very well satisfied； and says that Mrs。is extremely kind； the two eldest children alone are under her care； the rest are confined to the nursery； with which and its occupants she has nothing to do 。 。 。 I hope she'll do。 You would be astonished what a sensible； clever letter she writes； it is only the talking part that I fear。 But I do seriously apprehend that Mrs。will sometimes conclude that she has a natural impediment in her speech。 For my own part； I am as yet 'wanting a situation；' like a housemaid out of place。 By the way； I have lately discovered I have quite a talent for cleaning； sweeping up hearths； dusting rooms； making beds； &c。； so； if everything else fails； I can turn my hand to that； if anybody will give me good wages for little labour。 I won't be a cook； I hate soothing。 I won't be a nurserymaid； nor a lady's…maid； far less a lady's companion； or a mantua…maker； or a straw…bonnet maker； or a taker… in of plain work。 I won't be anything but a housemaid 。 。 。 With regard to my visit to G。； I have as yet received no invitation； but if I should be asked； though I should feel it a great act of self…denial to refuse； yet I have almost made up my mind to do so； though the society of the T。's is one of the most rousing pleasures I have ever known。 Good…bye； my darling E。； &c。
〃P。 S。Strike out that word 'darling；' it is humbug。 Where's the use of protestations？ We've known each other； and liked each other； a good while； that's enough。〃
Not many weeks after this was written； Charlotte also became engaged as a governess。 I intend carefully to abstain from introducing the names of any living people； respecting whom I may have to tell unpleasant truths； or to quote severe remarks from Miss Bronte's letters； but it is necessary that the difficulties she had to encounter in her various phases of life； should be fairly and frankly made known； before the force 〃of what was resisted〃 can be at all understood。 I was once speaking to her about 〃Agnes Grey〃the novel in which her sister Anne pretty literally describes her own experience as a governessand alluding more particularly to the account of the stoning of the little nestlings in the presence