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ribed it in 〃Villette；〃 her sense of loneliness； and yet her strange pleasure in the excitement of the situation； as in the dead of that winter's night she went swiftly over the dark river to the black hull's side； and was at first refused leave to ascend to the deck。 〃No passengers might sleep on board；〃 they said； with some appearance of disrespect。 She looked back to the lights and subdued noises of Londonthat 〃Mighty Heart〃 in which she had no placeand； standing up in the rocking boat； she asked to speak to some one in authority on board the packet。 He came； and her quiet simple statement of her wish； and her reason for it； quelled the feeling of sneering distrust in those who had first heard her request； and impressed the authority so favourably that he allowed her to come on board； and take possession of a berth。 The next morning she sailed； and at seven on Sunday evening she reached the Rue d'Isabelle once more； having only left Haworth on Friday morning at an early hour。
Her salary was 16L。 a year； out of which she had to pay for her German lessons； for which she was charged as much （the lessons being probably rated by time） as when Emily learnt with her and divided the expense； viz。； ten francs a month。 By Miss Bronte's own desire； she gave her English lessons in the CLASSE； or schoolroom； without the supervision of Madame or M。 Heger。 They offered to be present； with a view to maintain order among the unruly Belgian girls； but she declined this； saying that she would rather enforce discipline by her own manner and character than be indebted for obedience to the presence of a GENDARME。 She ruled over a new school…room； which had been built on the space in the play…ground adjoining the house。 Over that First Class she was SURVEILLANTE at all hours； and henceforward she was called MADEMOISELLE Charlotte by M。 Heger's orders。 She continued her own studies； principally attending to German； and to Literature； and every Sunday she went alone to the German and English chapels。 Her walks too were solitary； and principally taken in the allee defendue； where she was secure from intrusion。 This solitude was a perilous luxury to one of her temperament； so liable as she was to morbid and acute mental suffering。
On March 6th； 1843； she writes thus：…
〃I am settled by this time； of course。 I am not too much overloaded with occupation； and besides teaching English； I have time to improve myself in German。 I ought to consider myself well off； and to be thankful for my good fortunes。 I hope I am thankful； and if I could always keep up my spirits and never feel lonely； or long for companionship； or friendship； or whatever they call it； I should do very well。 As I told you before； M。 and Madame Heger are the only two persons in the house for whom I really experience regard and esteem； and of course； I cannot be always with them； nor even very often。 They told me； when I first returned； that I was to consider their sitting…room my sitting… room also； and to go there whenever I was not engaged in the schoolroom。 This； however； I cannot do。 In the daytime it is a public room； where music…masters and mistresses are constantly passing in and out； and in the evening； I will not； and ought not to intrude on M。 and Madame Heger and their children。 Thus I am a good deal by myself； out of school…hours； but that does not signify。 I now regularly give English lessons to M。 Heger and his brother…in…law。 They get on with wonderful rapidity； especially the first。 He already begins to speak English very decently。 If you could see and hear the efforts I make to teach them to pronounce like Englishmen； and their unavailing attempts to imitate； you would laugh to all eternity。
〃The Carnival is just over； and we have entered upon the gloom and abstinence of Lent。 The first day of Lent we had coffee without milk for breakfast； vinegar and vegetables； with a very little salt fish； for dinner； and bread for supper。 The Carnival was nothing but masking and mummery。 M。 Heger took me and one of the pupils into the town to see the masks。 It was animating to see the immense crowds； and the general gaiety； but the masks were nothing。 I have been twice to the D。's〃 （those cousins of 〃Mary's〃 of whom I have before made mention）。 〃When she leaves Bruxelles； I shall have nowhere to go to。 I have had two letters from Mary。 She does not tell me she has been ill； and she does not complain； but her letters are not the letters of a person in the enjoyment of great happiness。 She has nobody to be as good to her as M。 Heger is to me； to lend her books； to converse with her sometimes； &c。
〃Good…bye。 When I say so； it seems to me that you will hardly hear me； all the waves of the Channel heaving and roaring between must deaden the sound。〃
From the tone of this letter； it may easily be perceived that the Brussels of 1843 was a different place from that of 1842。 Then she had Emily for a daily and nightly solace and companion。 She had the weekly variety of a visit to the family of the D。s； and she had the frequent happiness of seeing 〃Mary〃 and Martha。 Now Emily was far away in Haworthwhere she or any other loved one； might die； before Charlotte； with her utmost speed； could reach them； as experience； in her aunt's case； had taught her。 The D。s were leaving Brussels； so； henceforth； her weekly holiday would have to be passed in the Rue d'Isabelle； or so she thought。 〃Mary〃 was gone off on her own independent course； Martha alone remainedstill and quiet for ever； in the cemetery beyond the Porte de Louvain。 The weather； too； for the first few weeks after Charlotte's return； had been piercingly cold； and her feeble constitution was always painfully sensitive to an inclement season。 Mere bodily pain； however acute； she could always put aside； but too often ill…health assailed her in a part far more to be dreaded。 Her depression of spirits； when she was not well； was pitiful in its extremity。 She was aware that it was constitutional； and could reason about it； but no reasoning prevented her suffering mental agony； while the bodily cause remained in force。
The Hegers have discovered； since the publication of 〃Villette；〃 that at this beginning of her career as English teacher in their school； the conduct of her pupils was often impertinent and mutinous in the highest degree。 But of this they were unaware at the time； as she had declined their presence； and never made any complaint。 Still it must have been a depressing thought to her at this period； that her joyous； healthy； obtuse pupils were so little answerable to the powers she could bring to bear upon them； and though from their own testimony； her patience； firmness； and resolution； at length obtained their just reward； yet with one so weak in health and spirits； the reaction after such struggles as she frequently had with her pupils； must have been very sad and painful。
She thus writes to her friend E。：…
〃April； 1843。
〃Is there any talk of your coming to Brussels？ During the bitter cold weather we had through February； and the principal part of March； I did not regret that you had not accompanied me。 If I had seen you shivering as I shivered myself； if I had seen your hands and feet as red and swelled as mine were； my discomfort would just have been doubled。 I can do very well under this sort of thing； it does not fret me； it only makes me numb and silent； but if you were to pass a winter in Belgium； you would be ill。 However； more genial weather is coming now； and I wish you were here。 Yet I never have pressed you； and never would press you too warmly to come。 There are privations and humiliations to submit to； there is monotony and uniformity of life； and； above all； there is a constant sense of solitude in the midst of numbers。 The Protestant； the foreigner； is a solitary being； whether as teacher or pupil。 I do not say this by way of complaining of my own lot； for though I acknowledge that there are certain disadvantages in my present position； what position on earth is without them？ And； whenever I turn back to compare what I am with what I wasmy place here with my place at Mrs。 …'s for instanceI am thankful。 There was an observation in your last letter which excited； for a moment； my wrath。 At first； I thought it would be folly to reply to it； and I would let it die。 Afterwards； I determined to give one answer； once for all。 'Three or four people；' it seems； 'have the idea that the future EPOUX of Mademoiselle Bronte is on the Continent。' These people are wiser than I am。 They could not believe that I crossed the sea merely to return as teacher to Madame Hegers。 I must have some more powerful motive than respect for my master and mistress； gratitude for their kindness； &c。； to induce me to refuse a salary of 50L。 in England； and accept one of 16L。 in Belgium。 I must； forsooth； have some remote hope of entrapping a husband somehow； or somewhere。 If these charitable people knew the total seclusion of the life I lead；that I never exchange a word with any other man than Monsieur Heger； and seldom indeed with him；they would； perhaps； cease to suppose that any such chimerical and groundless notion had influenced my proceedings。 Have I said enough to cle