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by； where nobody would trouble his repose； seeing he could not otherwise
avoid being importuned by us； the condition of his children considered。
He took my advice afterwards； and found an advantage in so doing。
I do not mean that a man should so instal them as not to reserve to
himself a liberty to retract； I； who am now arrived to the age wherein
such things are fit to be done； would resign to them the enjoyment of my
house and goods； but with a power of revocation if they should give me
cause to alter my mind； I would leave to them the use； that being no
longer convenient for me； and； of the general authority and power over
all； would reserve as much asI thought good to myself； having always
held that it must needs be a great satisfaction to an aged father himself
to put his children into the way of governing his affairs； and to have
power during his own life to control their behaviour； supplying them with
instruction and advice from his own experience； and himself to transfer
the ancient honour and order of his house into the hands of those who are
to succeed him； and by that means to satisfy himself as to the hopes he
may conceive of their future conduct。 And in order to this I would not
avoid their company； I would observe them near at hand； and partake；
according to the condition of my age； of their feasts and jollities。
If I did not live absolutely amongst them； which I could not do without
annoying them and their friends； by reason of the morosity of my age and
the restlessness of my infirmities； and without violating also the rules
and order of living I should then have set down to myself； I would； at
least； live near them in some retired part of my house； not the best in
show； but the most commodious。 Nor as I saw some years ago； a dean of
St。 Hilary of Poitiers given up to such a solitude； that at the time I
came into his chamber it had been two and twenty years that he had not
stepped one foot out of it； and yet had all his motions free and easy；
and was in good health； saving a cold that fell upon his lungs； he would；
hardly once in a week； suffer any one to come in to see him； he always
kept himself shut up in his chamber alone； except that a servant brought
him； once a day； something to eat； and did then but just come in and go
out again。 His employment was to walk up and down； and read some book；
for he was a bit of a scholar； but； as to the rest； obstinately bent to
die in this retirement； as he soon after did。 I would endeavour by
pleasant conversation to create in my children a warm and unfeigned
friendship and good…will towards me； which in well…descended natures is
not hard to do； for if they be furious brutes； of which this age of ours
produces thousands； we are then to hate and avoid them as such。
I am angry at the custom of forbidding children to call their father by
the name of father； and to enjoin them another； as more full of respect
and reverence； as if nature had not sufficiently provided for our
authority。 We call Almighty God Father； and disdain to have our children
call us so； I have reformed this error in my family。＇As did Henry IV。
of France＇ And 'tis also folly and injustice to deprive children； when
grown up； of familiarity with their father； and to carry a scornful and
austere countenance toward them； thinking by that to keep them in awe and
obedience； for it is a very idle farce that； instead of producing the
effect designed； renders fathers distasteful； and； which is worse；
ridiculous to their own children。 They have youth and vigour in
possession； and consequently the breath and favour of the world； and
therefore receive these fierce and tyrannical looksmere scarecrows
of a man without blood； either in his heart or veins； with mockery and
contempt。 Though I could make myself feared； I had yet much rather make
myself beloved： there are so many sorts of defects in old age； so much
imbecility； and it is so liable to contempt； that the best acquisition a
man can make is the kindness and affection of his own family； command and
fear are no longer his weapons。 Such an one I have known who； having
been very imperious in his youth； when he came to be old； though he might
have lived at his full ease； would ever strike； rant； swear； and curse：
the most violent householder in France： fretting himself with unnecessary
suspicion and vigilance。 And all this rumble and clutter but to make his
family cheat him the more； of his barn； his kitchen； cellar； nay； and his
very purse too； others had the greatest use and share； whilst he keeps
his keys in his pocket much more carefully than his eyes。 Whilst he hugs
himself with the pitiful frugality of a niggard table； everything goes to
rack and ruin in every corner of his house； in play； drink； all sorts of
profusion； making sport in their junkets with his vain anger and
fruitless parsimony。 Every one is a sentinel against him； and if； by
accident； any wretched fellow that serves him is of another humour； and
will not join with the rest； he is presently rendered suspected to him；
a bait that old age very easily bites at of itself。 How often has this
gentleman boasted to me in how great awe he kept his family； and how
exact an obedience and reverence they paid him！ How clearly he saw into
his own affairs！
〃Ille solos nescit omnia。〃
＇〃He alone is ignorant of all that is passing。〃
Terence； Adelph。； iv。 2； 9。＇
I do not know any one that can muster more parts； both natural and
acquired； proper to maintain dominion； than he； yet he is fallen from it
like a child。 For this reason it is that I have picked out him； amongst
several others that I know of the same humour； for the greatest example。
It were matter for a question in the schools； whether he is better thus
or otherwise。 In his presence； all submit to and bow to him； and give so
much way to his vanity that nobody ever resists him； he has his fill of
assents； of seeming fear； submission； and respect。 Does he turn away a
servant？ he packs up his bundle； and is gone； but 'tis no further than
just out of his sight： the steps of old age are so slow； the senses so
troubled； that he will live and do his old office in the same house a
year together without being perceived。
And after a fit interval of time； letters are pretended to come from a
great way off； very humble； suppliant； and full of promises of amendment；
by virtue of which he is again received into favour。 Does Monsieur make
any bargain； or prepare any despatch that does not please？ 'tis
suppressed； and causes afterwards forged to excuse the want of execution
in the one or answer in the other。 No letters being first brought to
him； he never sees any but those that shall seem fit for his knowledge。
If by accident they fall first into his own hand； being used to trust
somebody to read them to him； he reads extempore what he thinks fit； and
often makes such a one ask him pardon who abuses and rails at him in his
letter。 In short； he sees nothing； but by an image prepared and designed
beforehand and the most satisfactory they can invent； not to rouse and
awaken his ill humour and choler。 I have seen； under various aspects；
enough of these modes of domestic government； long…enduring； constant； to
the like effect。
Women are evermore addicted to cross their husbands： they lay hold with
both hands on all occasions to contradict and oppose them； the first
excuse serves for a plenary justification。 I have seen one who robbed
her husband wholesale； that； as she told her confessor； she might
distribute the more liberal alms。 Let who will trust to that religious
dispensation。 No management of affairs seems to them of sufficient
dignity； if proceeding from the husband's assent； they must usurp it
either by insolence or cunning； and always injuriously； or else it has
not the grace and authority they desire。 When； as in the case I am
speaking of； 'tis against a poor old man and for the children； then they
make use of this title to serve their passion with glory； and； as for a
common service； easily cabal； and combine against his government and
dominion。 If they be males grown up in full and flourishing health； they
presently corrupt； either by force or favour； steward； receivers； and all
the rout。 Such as have neither wife nor son do not so easily fall into
this misfortune； but withal more cruelly and unworthily。 Cato the elder
in his time said： So many servants； so many enemies； consider； then；
whether according to the vast difference between the purity of the age he
lived in and the corruption of this of ours； he does not seem to shew us
that wife； son； and servant； are so many enemies to us？ 'Tis well for
old age that it is always accompanied by want of observation； ignorance；
and a proneness to being deceived。 For should we see how we are used and
would not acquiesce； what would become of us？ especially in such an age
as this； where the very judges who are to determine our controversies are
usually partisans to the young； and interested in the cause。 In case the
discovery of this cheating escape me； I cannot at least fail to discern
that I am very fit to be cheated。