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The State in all European countries； and in England first of all； as I hope； will discover that its functions are now； and have long been； very wide of what the State in old pedant Downing Streets has aimed at； that the State is； for the present； not a reality but in great part a dramatic speciosity； expending its strength in practices and objects fallen many of them quite obsolete； that it must come a little nearer the true aim again； or it cannot continue in this world。 The 〃Champion of England〃 eased in iron or tin； and 〃able to mount his horse with little assistance；〃this Champion and the thousand…fold cousinry of Phantasms he has； nearly all dead now but still walking as ghosts； must positively take himself away： who can endure him； and his solemn trumpetings and obsolete gesticulations； in a Time that is full of deadly realities； coming open…mouthed upon us？ At Drury Lane； let him play his part； him and his thousand…fold cousinry； and welcome； so long as any public will pay a shilling to see him： but on the solid earth； under the extremely earnest stars； we dare not palter with him； or accept his tomfooleries any more。 Ridiculous they seem to some； horrible they seem to me： all lies； if one look whence they come and whither they go； are horrible。
Alas； it will be found； I doubt； that in England more than in any country； our Public Life and our Private； our State and our Religion； and all that we do and speak （and the most even of what we _think_）； is a tissue of half…truths and whole…lies； of hypocrisies； conventionalisms； worn…out traditionary rags and cobwebs； such a life…garment of beggarly incredible and uncredited falsities as no honest souls of Adam's Posterity were ever enveloped in before。 And we walk about in it with a stately gesture； as if it were some priestly stole or imperial mantle； not the foulest beggar's gabardine that ever was。 〃No Englishman dare believe the truth；〃 says one： 〃he stands； for these two hundred years； enveloped in lies of every kind； from nadir to zenith an ocean of traditionary cant surrounds him as his life…element。 He really thinks the truth dangerous。 Poor wretch； you see him everywhere endeavoring to temper the truth by taking the falsity along with it； and welding them together； this he calls 'safe course；' 'moderate course；' and other fine names； there； balanced between God and the Devil； he thinks he _can_ serve two masters； and that things will go well with him。〃
In the cotton…spinning and similar departments our English friend knows well that truth or God will have nothing to do with the Devil or falsehood； but will ravel all the web to pieces if you introduce the Devil or Non…veracity in any form into it： in this department； therefore； our English friend avoids falsehood。 But in the religious； political； social； moral； and all other spiritual departments he freely introduces falsehood； nothing doubting； and has long done so； with a profuseness not elsewhere met with in the world。 The unhappy creature； does he not know； then； that every lie is accursed； and the parent of mere curses？ That he must _think_ the truth； much more speak it？ That； above all things； by the oldest law of Heaven and Earth which no man violates with impunity； he must not and shall not wag the tongue of him except to utter his thought？ That there is not a grin or beautiful acceptable grimace he can execute upon his poor countenance； but is either an express veracity； the image of what passes within him； or else is a bit of Devil…worship which he and the rest of us will have to pay for yet？ Alas； the grins he executes upon his poor _mind_ （which is all tortured into St。 Vitus dances； and ghastly merry…andrewisms； by the practice） are the most extraordinary this sun ever saw。
We have Puseyisms； black…and…white surplice controversies：do not； officially and otherwise； the select of the longest heads in England sit with intense application and iron gravity； in open forum； judging of 〃prevenient grace〃？ Not a head of them suspects that it can be improper so to sit； or of the nature of treason against the Power who gave an Intellect to man；that it can be other than the duty of a good citizen to use his god…given intellect in investigating prevenient grace； supervenient moonshine； or the color of the Bishop's nightmare； if that happened to turn up。 I consider them far ahead of Cicero's Roman Augurs with their chicken…bowels： 〃Behold these divine chicken…bowels； O Senate and Roman People； the midriff has fallen eastward！〃 solemnly intimates one Augur。 〃By Proserpina and the triple Hecate！〃 exclaims the other； 〃I say the midriff has fallen to the west！〃 And they look at one another with the seriousness of men prepared to die in their opinion；the authentic seriousness of men betting at Tattersall's； or about to receive judgment in Chancery。 There is in the Englishman something great； beyond all Roman greatness； in whatever line you meet him； even as a Latter…Day Augur he seeks his fellow！Poor devil； I believe it is his intense love of peace； and hatred of breeding discussions which lead no…whither； that has led him into this sad practice of amalgamating true and false。
He has been at it these two hundred years； and has now carried it to a terrible length。 He couldn't follow Oliver Cromwell in the Puritan path heavenward； so steep was it； and beset with thorns；and becoming uncertain withal。 He much preferred； at that juncture； to go heavenward with his Charles Second and merry Nell Gwynns； and old decent formularies and good respectable aristocratic company； for escort； sore he tried； by glorious restorations； glorious revolutions and so forth； to perfect this desirable amalgam； hoped always it might be possible；is only just now； if even now； beginning to give up the hope； and to see with wide…eyed horror that it is not at Heaven he is arriving； but at the Stygian marshes； with their thirty thousand Needlewomen； cannibal Connaughts； rivers of lamentation； continual wail of infants； and the yellow…burning gleam of a Hell…on…Earth！Bull； my friend； you must strip that astonishing pontiff…stole； imperial mantle； or whatever you imagine it to be； which I discern to be a garment of curses； and poisoned Nessus'…shirt now at last about to take fire upon you； you must strip that off your poor body； my friend； and； were it only in a soul's suit of Utilitarian buff； and such belief as that a big loaf is better than a small one； come forth into contact with your world； under _true_ professions again； and not false。 You wretched man； you ought to weep for half a century on discovering what lies you have believed； and what every lie leads to and proceeds from。 O my friend； no honest fellow in this Planet was ever so served by his cooks before； or has eaten such quantities and qualities of dirt as you have been made to do； for these two centuries past。 Arise； my horribly maltreated yet still beloved Bull； steep yourself in running water for a long while； my friend； and begin forthwith in every conceivable direction； physical and spiritual； the long…expected _Scavenger Age_。
Many doctors have you had； my poor friend； but I perceive it is the Water…Cure alone that will help you： a complete course of _scavengerism_ is the thing you need！ A new and veritable heart…divorce of England from the Babylonish woman； who is Jesuitism and Unveracity； and dwells not at Rome now； but under your own nose and everywhere； whom； and her foul worship of Phantasms and Devils； poor England _had_ once divorced； with a divine heroism not forgotten yet； and well worth remembering now： a clearing…out of Church and State from the unblessed host of Phantasms which have too long nestled thick there； under those astonishing 〃Defenders of the Faith；〃Defenders of the Hypocrisies； the spiritual Vampires and obscene Nightmares； under which England lies in syncope；this is what you need； and if you cannot get it； you must die； my poor friend！
Like people； like priest。 Priest； King； Home Office； all manner of establishments and offices among a people bear a striking resemblance to the people itself。 It is because Bull has been eating so much dirt that his Home Offices have got into such a shockingly dirty condition；the old pavements of them quite gone out of sight and out of memory； and nothing but mountains of long…accumulated dung in which the poor cattle are sprawling and tumbling。 Had his own life been pure； had his own daily conduct been grounding itself on the clear pavements or actual beliefs and veracities； would he have let his Home Offices come to such a pass？ Not in Downing Street only； but in all other thoroughfares and arenas and spiritual or physical departments of his existence； running water and Herculean scavengerism have become indispensable； unless the poor man is to choke in his own exuviae； and die the sorrowfulest death。
If the State could once get back to the real sight of its essential function； and with religious resolution begin doing that； and putting away its multifarious imaginary functions； and indignantly casting out these as mere dung and insalubrious horror and abomination （which they are）； what a promise of reform were there！ The British Home Office； surely this and its kindred Offices exi