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〃Since then；〃 he said in a low voice； 〃I've been happier than I ever was before in all my life。 I ain't got any family； nor any homerightly speakin'nor any money； but； comrade； you see here in front of you； a happy man。〃
When he had finished his story we sat quiet for some time。
〃Well；〃 said he； finally； 〃I must be goin'。 The committee will wonder what's become o' me。〃
I followed him out to the road。 There I put my hand on his shoulder； and said：
〃Bill Hahn； you are a better man than I am。〃
He smiled； a beautiful smile； and we walked off together down the road。
I wish I had gone on with him at that time into the city； but somehow I could not do it。 I stopped near the top of the hill where one can see in the distance that smoky huddle of buildings which is known as Kilburn； and though he urged me； I turned aside and sat down in the edge of a meadow。 There were many things I wanted to think about； to get clear in my mind。
As I sat looking out toward that great city； I saw three men walking in the white road。 As I watched them； I could see them coming quickly； eagerly。 Presently they threw up their hands and evidently began to shout； though I could not hear what they said。 At that moment I saw my friend Bill Hahn running in the road； his coat skirts flapping heavily about his legs。 When they met they almost fell into another's arms。
I suppose it was so that the early Christians； those who hid in the Roman catacombs； were wont to greet one another。
So I sat thinking。
〃A man；〃 I said to myself； 〃who can regard himself as a function； not an end of creation； has arrived。〃
After a time I got up and walked down the hillsome strange force carrying me onwardand came thus to the city of Kilburn。
CHAPTER X。 I AM CAUGHT UP INTO LIFE
I can scarcely convey in written words the whirling emotions I felt when I entered the city of Kilburn。 Every sight； every sound； recalled vividly and painfully the unhappy years I had once spent in another and greater city。 Every mingled odour of the streetsand there is nothing that will so surely re…create （for me） the inner emotion of a time or place as a remembered odourbrought back to me the incidents of that immemorial existence。
For a time； I confess it frankly here； I felt afraid。 More than once I stopped short in the street where I was walking； and considered turning about and making again for the open country。 Some there may be who will feel that I am exaggerating my sensations and impressions； but they do not know of my memories of a former life； nor of how； many years ago； I left the city quite defeated； glad indeed that I was escaping； and thinking （as I have related elsewhere） that I should never again set foot upon a paved street。 These things went deep with me。 Only the other day； when a friend asked me how old I was； I responded instantlyour unpremeditated words are usually truestwith the date of my arrival at this farm。
〃Then you are only ten years old！〃 he exclaimed with a laugh； thinking I was joking。
〃Well；〃 I said； 〃I am counting only the years worth living。〃
No； I existed； but I never really lived until I was reborn； that wonderful summer here among these hills。
I said I felt afraid in the streets of Kilburn； but it was no physical fear。 Who could be safer in a city than the man who has not a penny in his pockets？ It was rather a strange； deep； spiritual shrinking。 There seemed something so irresistible about this life of the city； so utterly overpowering。 I had a sense of being smaller than I had previously felt myself； that in some way my personality； all that was strong or interesting or original about me； was being smudged over； rubbed out。 In the country I had in some measure come to command life； but here； it seemed to me； life was commanding me and crushing me down。 It is a difficult thing to describe： I never felt just that way before。
I stopped at last on the main street of Kilburn in the very heart of the town。 I stopped because it seemed necessary to me； like a man in a flood； to touch bottom； to get hold upon something immovable and stable。 It was just at that hour of evening when the stores and shops are pouring forth their rivulets of humanity to join the vast flood of the streets。 I stepped quickly aside into a niche near the corner of an immense building of brick and steel and glass； and there I stood with my back to the wall； and I watched the restless； whirling； torrential tide of the streets。 I felt again； as I had not felt it before in years； the mysterious urge of the citythe sense of unending； overpowering movement。
There was another strange； indeed uncanny； sensation that began to creep over me as I stood there。 Though hundreds upon hundreds of men and women were passing me every minute； not one of them seemed to see me。 Most of them did not even look in my direction； and those who did turn their eyes toward me see me to glance through me to the building behind。 I wonder if this is at all a common experience； or whether I was unduly sensitive that day； unduly wrought up？ I began to feel like one clad in garments of invisibility。 I could see； but was not seen。 I could feel； but was not felt。 In the country there are few who would not stop to speak to me； or at least appraise me with their eyes； but here I was a wraith； a ghostnot a palpable human being at all。 For a moment I felt unutterably lonely。
It is this way with me。 When I have reached the very depths of any serious situation or tragic emotion； something within me seems at last to stophow shall I describe it？and I rebound suddenly and see the world； as it were； doublesee that my condition instead of being serious or tragic is in reality amusingand I usually came out of it with an utterly absurd or whimsical idea。 It was so upon this occasion。 I think it was the image of my robust self as a wraith that did it。
〃After all；〃 I said aloud taking a firm hold on the good hard flesh of one of my legs； 〃this is positively David Grayson。〃
I looked out again into that tide of facesinteresting； tired； passive； smiling； sad； but above all； preoccupied faces。
〃No one；〃 I thought； 〃seems to know that David Grayson has come to town。〃
I had the sudden； almost irresistible notion of climbing up a step near me； holding up one hand； and crying out：
〃Here I am； my friends。 I am David Grayson。 I am real and solid and opaque； I have plenty of red blood running in my veins。 I assure you that I am a person well worth knowing。〃
I should really have enjoyed some such outlandish enterprise； and I am not at all sure yet that it would not have brought me adventures and made me friends worth while。 We fail far more often by under…daring than by over…daring。
But this imaginary object had the result； at least； of giving me a new grip on things。 I began to look out upon the amazing spectacle before me in a different mood。 It was exactly like some enormous anthill into which an idle traveller had thrust his cane。 Everywhere the ants were running out of their tunnels and burrows； many carrying burdens and giving one strangely the impression that while they were intensely alive and active； not more than half of them had any clear idea of where they were going。 And serious； deadly serious； in their haste！ I felt a strong inclination to stop a few of them and say：
〃Friends； cheer up。 It isn't half as bad as you think it is。 Cheer up！〃
After a time the severity of the human flood began to abate； and here and there at the bottom of that gulch of a street； which had begun to fill with soft； bluish…gray shadows； the evening lights a appeared。 The air had grown cooler； in the distance around a corner I heard a street organ break suddenly and joyously into the lively strains of 〃The Wearin' o' the Green。〃
I stepped out into the street with quite a new feeling of adventure。 And as if to testify that I was now a visible person a sharp…eyed newsboy discovered methe first human being in Kilburn who had actually seen me and came up with a paper in his hand。
〃Herald； boss？〃
I was interested in the shrewd； world…wise； humorous look in the urchin's eyes。
〃No；〃 I began； with the full intent of bantering him into some sort of acquaintance； but he evidently measured my purchasing capacity quite accurately； for he turned like a flash to another customer。 〃Herald； boss？〃
〃You'll have to step lively； David Grayson；〃 I said to myself； 〃if you get aboard in this city。〃
A slouchy negro with a cigarette in his fingers glanced at me in passing and then； hesitating； turned quickly toward me。
〃Got a match； boss？〃
I gave him a match。
〃Thank you； boss；〃 and he passed on down the street。
〃I seem to be 'boss' around here；〃 I said。
This contact； slight as it was； gave me a feeling of warmth； removed a little the sensation of aloofness I had felt； and I strolled slowly down the street； looking in at the gay windows； now ablaze with lights； and watching the really wonderful procession of vehicles of all shapes and sizes that rattled by on the pavement。 Even at that hour of the day I think there were more of them in one minute than I see in a whole month at my farm。
It's a great thing to wear shabby clothes and an old hat。 Some of the best things I have ever kno