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than personal rule； and to spread their attempts at moral monster…making
over so many children； that each child has enough freedom； and enough
sport in the prophylactic process of laughing at its elders behind their
backs； to escape with much less damage than the single child。 In a large
school the system may be bad； but the personal influence of the head
master has to be exerted； when it is exerted at all； in a public way； because
he has little more power of working on the affections of the individual
scholar in the intimate way that； for example； the mother of a single child
can； than the prime minister has of working on the affections of any
individual voter。
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Children as Nuisances
Experienced parents； when children's rights are preached to them； very
naturally ask whether children are to be allowed to do what they like。 The
best reply is to ask whether adults are to be allowed to do what they like。
The two cases are the same。 The adult who is nasty is not allowed to do
what he likes： neither can the child who likes to be nasty。 There is no
difference in principle between the rights of a child and those of an adult：
the difference in their cases is one of circumstance。 An adult is not
supposed to be punished except by process of law； nor； when he is so
punished； is the person whom he has injured allowed to act as judge； jury；
and executioner。 It is true that employers do act in this way every day to
their workpeople； but this is not a justified and intended part of the
situation： it is an abuse of Capitalism which nobody defends in principle。
As between child and parent or nurse it is not argued about because it is
inevitable。 You cannot hold an impartial judicial inquiry every time a
child misbehaves itself。 To allow the child to misbehave without
instantly making it unpleasantly conscious of the fact would be to spoil it。
The adult has therefore to take action of some sort with nothing but his
conscience to shield the child from injustice or unkindness。 The action
may be a torrent of scolding culminating in a furious smack causing terror
and pain； or it may be a remonstrance causing remorse； or it may be a
sarcasm causing shame and humiliation； or it may be a sermon causing the
child to believe that it is a little reprobate on the road to hell。 The child
has no defence in any case except the kindness and conscience of the adult；
and the adult had better not forget this； for it involves a heavy
responsibility。
And now comes our difficulty。 The responsibility； being so heavy；
cannot be discharged by persons of feeble character or intelligence。 And
yet people of high character and intelligence cannot be plagued with the
care of children。 A child is a restless； noisy little animal； with an
insatiable appetite for knowledge； and consequently a maddening
persistence in asking questions。 If the child is to remain in the room with
a highly intelligent and sensitive adult； it must be told； and if necessary
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
forced； to sit still and not speak； which is injurious to its health； unnatural；
unjust； and therefore cruel and selfish beyond toleration。 Consequently
the highly intelligent and sensitive adult hands the child over to a
nurserymaid who has no nerves and can therefore stand more noise； but
who has also no scruples； and may therefore be very bad company for the
child。
Here we have come to the central fact of the question： a fact nobody
avows； which is yet the true explanation of the monstrous system of child
imprisonment and torture which we disguise under such hypocrisies as
education； training； formation of character and the rest of it。 This fact is
simply that a child is a nuisance to a grown…up person。 What is more； the
nuisance becomes more and more intolerable as the grown…up person
becomes more cultivated； more sensitive； and more deeply engaged in the
highest methods of adult work。 The child at play is noisy and ought to be
noisy： Sir Isaac Newton at work is quiet and ought to be quiet。 And the
child should spend most of its time at play； whilst the adult should spend
most of his time at work。 I am not now writing on behalf of persons who
coddle themselves into a ridiculous condition of nervous feebleness； and at
last imagine themselves unable to work under conditions of bustle which
to healthy people are cheerful and stimulating。 I am sure that if people
had to choose between living where the noise of children never stopped
and where it was never heard； all the goodnatured and sound people would
prefer the incessant noise to the incessant silence。 But that choice is not
thrust upon us by the nature of things。 There is no reason why children
and adults should not see just as much of one another as is good for them；
no more and no less。 Even at present you are not compelled to choose
between sending your child to a boarding school （which means getting rid
of it altogether on more or less hypocritical pretences） and keeping it
continually at home。 Most working folk today either send their children
to day schools or turn them out of doors。 This solves the problem for the
parents。 It does not solve it for the children； any more than the tethering
of a goat in a field or the chasing of an unlicensed dog into the streets
solves it for the goat or the dog； but it shews that in no class are people
willing to endure the society of their children； and consequently that it is
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
an error to believe that the family provides children with edifying adult
society； or that the family is a social unit。 The family is in that； as in so
many other respects； a humbug。 Old people and young people cannot
walk at the same pace without distress and final loss of health to one of the
parties。 When they are sitting indoors they cannot endure the same
degrees of temperature and the same supplies of fresh air。 Even if the
main factors of noise； restlessness； and inquisitiveness are left out of
account； children can stand with indifference sights； sounds； smells； and
disorders that would make an adult of fifty utterly miserable； whilst on the
other hand such adults find a tranquil happiness in conditions which to
children mean unspeakable boredom。 And since our system is nevertheless
to pack them all into the same house and pretend that they are happy； and
that this particular sort of happiness is the foundation of virtue； it is found
that in discussing family life we never speak of actual adults or actual
children； or of realities of any sort； but always of ideals such as The Home；
a Mother's Influence； a Father's Care； Filial Piety； Duty； Affection； Family
Life； etc。 etc。； which are no doubt very comforting phrases； but which beg
the question of what a home and a mother's influence and a father's care
and so forth really come to in practice。 How many hours a week of the
time when his children are out of bed does the ordinary bread…winning
father spend in the company of his children or even in the same building
with them？ The home may be a thieves' kitchen； the mother a procuress；
the father a violent drunkard； or the mother and father may be fashionable
people who see their children three or four times a year during the
holidays； and then not oftener than they can help； living meanwhile in
daily and intimate contact with their valets and lady's…maids； whose
influence and care are often dominant in the household。 Affection； as