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There was some due from home which didn't come。 Four days and nights
I lived on water。 My clothes were excellent； and I had jewellery；
but I never even thought of pawning them。 I suffered most from the
notion that people might guess my state。 You don't recognise me
now？〃
〃How old were you then？〃 said Shelton。
〃Seventeen； it's curious what one's like at that age。
By a flash of insight Shelton saw the well…dressed boy； with
sensitive； smooth face； always on the move about the streets of
Paris； for fear that people should observe the condition of his
stomach。 The story was a valuable commentary。 His thoughts were
brusquely interrupted； looking in Ferrand's face； he saw to his
dismay tears rolling down his cheeks。
〃I 've suffered too much；〃 he stammered； 〃what do I care now what
becomes of me？〃
Shelton was disconcerted； he wished 'to say something sympathetic；
but； being an Englishman； could only turn away his eyes。
〃Your turn 's coming；〃 he said at last。
〃Ah！ when you've lived my life；〃 broke out his visitor； 〃nothing 's
any good。 My heart's in rags。 Find me anything worth keeping； in
this menagerie。〃
Moved though he was； Shelton wriggled in his chair； a prey to racial
instinct； to an ingrained over…tenderness； perhaps； of soul that
forbade him from exposing his emotions； and recoiled from the
revelation of other people's。 He could stand it on the stage； he
could stand it in a book； but in real life he could not stand it。
When Ferrand had gone off with a portmanteau in each hand； he sat
down and told Antonia：
。 。 。 The poor chap broke down and sat crying like a child； and
instead of making me feel sorry； it turned me into stone。 The more
sympathetic I wanted to be； the gruffer I grew。 Is it fear of
ridicule； independence； or consideration； for others that prevents
one from showing one's feelings？
He went on to tell her of Ferrand's starving four days sooner than
face a pawnbroker； and； reading the letter over before addressing it；
the faces of the three ladies round their snowy cloth arose before
himAntonia's face； so fair and calm and wind…fresh； her mother's
face； a little creased by time and weather； the maiden aunt's
somewhat too thin…and they seemed to lean at him； alert and decorous；
and the words 〃That's rather nice！〃 rang in his ears。 He went out to
post the letter； and buying a five…shilling order enclosed it to the
little barber； Carolan； as a reward for delivering his note to
Ferrand。 He omitted to send his address with this donation； but
whether from delicacy or from caution he could not have said。 Beyond
doubt； however； on receiving through Ferrand the following reply； he
felt ashamed and pleased
3； BLANK Row；
WESTMINSTER。
》From every well…born soul humanity is owing。 A thousand thanks。 I
received this morning your postal order； your heart henceforth for me
will be placed beyond all praise。
J。 CAROLAN。
CHAPTER XI
THE VISION
A few days later he received a letter from Antonia which filled him
with excitement：
。 。 。 Aunt Charlotte is ever so much better； so mother thinks we
can go home…hurrah！ But she says that you and I must keep to our
arrangement not to see each other till July。 There will be something
fine in being so near and having the strength to keep apart 。 。 。
All the English are gone。 I feel it so empty out here； these people
are so funny…all foreign and shallow。 Oh； Dick！ how splendid to
have an ideal to look up to！ Write at once to Brewer's Hotel and
tell me you think the same 。 。 。 。 We arrive at Charing Cross on
Sunday at half…past seven； stay at Brewer's for a couple of nights；
and go down on Tuesday to Holm Oaks。
Always your
ANTONIA。
〃To…morrow！〃 he thought； 〃she's coming tomorrow！〃 and； leaving his
neglected breakfast； he started out to walk off his emotion。 His
square ran into one of those slums that still rub shoulders with the
most distinguished situations； and in it he came upon a little crowd
assembled round a dogfight。 One of the dogs was being mauled； but
the day was muddy； and Shelton； like any well…bred Englishman； had a
horror of making himself conspicuous even in a decent cause； he
looked for a policeman。 One was standing by； to see fair play； and
Shelton made appeal to him。 The official suggested that he should
not have brought out a fighting dog； and advised him to throw cold
water over them。
〃It is n 't my dog；〃 said Shelton。
〃Then I should let 'em be；〃 remarked the policeman with evident
surprise。
Shelton appealed indefinitely to the lower orders。 The lower orders；
however； were afraid of being bitten。
〃I would n't meddle with that there job if I was you；〃 said one。
〃Nasty breed o' dawg is that。〃
He was therefore obliged to cast away respectability； spoil his
trousers and his gloves； break his umbrella； drop his hat in the mud；
and separate the dogs。 At the conclusion of the 〃job；〃 the lower
orders said to him in a rather shamefaced spanner：
〃Well； I never thought you'd have managed that； sir〃； but； like all
men of inaction； Shelton after action was more dangerous。
〃Dn it！〃 he said； 〃one can't let a dog be killed〃； and he
marched off； towing the injured dog with his pocket…handkerchief； and
looking scornfully at harmless passers…by。 Having satisfied for once
the smouldering fires within him； he felt entitled to hold a low
opinion of these men in the street。 〃The brutes；〃 he thought； 〃won't
stir a finger to save a poor dumb creature； and as for policemen…〃
But； growing cooler； he began to see that people weighted down by
〃honest toil〃 could not afford to tear their trousers or get a bitten
hand； and that even the policeman； though he had looked so like a
demi…god； was absolutely made of flesh and blood。 He took the dog
home； and； sending for a vet。； had him sewn up。
He was already tortured by the doubt whether or no he might venture
to meet Antonia at the station； and； after sending his servant with
the dog to the address marked on its collar； he formed the resolve to
go and see his mother； with some vague notion that she might help him
to decide。 She lived in Kensington； and； crossing the Brompton Road；
he was soon amongst that maze of houses into the fibre of whose
structure architects have wrought the motto： 〃 Keep what you have
wives； money； a good address； and all the blessings of a moral
state！〃
Shelton pondered as he passed house after house of such intense
respectability that even dogs were known to bark at them。 His blood
was still too hot； it is amazing what incidents will promote the
loftiest philosophy。 He had been reading in his favourite review an
article eulogising the freedom and expansion which had made the upper
middle class so fine a body； and with eyes wandering from side to
side he nodded his head ironically。 〃Expansion and freedom；〃 ran his
thoughts： 〃Freedom and expansion！〃
Each house…front was cold and formal； the shell of an owner with from
three to five thousand pounds a year； and each one was armoured
against the opinion of its neighbours by a sort of daring regularity。
〃Conscious of my rectitude； and by the strict observance of exactly
what is necessary and no more； I am enabled to hold my head up in the
world。 The person who lives in me has only four thousand two hundred
and fifty…five pounds each year； after allowing for the income tax。〃
Such seemed the legend of these houses。
Shelton passed ladies in ones and twos and threes going out shopping；
or to classes of drawing； cooking； ambulance。 Hardly any men were
seen； and they were mostly policemen； but a few disillusioned
children were being wheeled towards the Park by fresh…cheeked nurses；
accompanied by a great army of hairy or of hairless dogs。
There was something of her brother's large liberality about Mrs。
Shelton； a tiny lady with affectionate eyes； warm cheeks； and chilly
feet； fond as a cat of a chair by the fire； and full of the sympathy
that has no insight。 She kissed her son at once with rapture； and；
as usual； began to talk of his engagement。 For the first time a
tremor of doubt ran through her son； his mother's view of it grated
on him like the sight of a blue…pink dress； it was too rosy。 Her
splendid optimism； damped him； it had too little traffic with the
reasoning powers。
〃What right；〃 he asked himself； 〃has she to be so certain？ It seems
to me a kind of blasphemy。〃
〃The dear！〃 she cooed。 〃And she is coming back to…morrow？ Hurrah！
how I long to see her！〃
〃But you know； mother； we've agreed not to meet again until July。〃
Mrs。 Shelton rocked her foot； and； holding her head on one side like
a little bird； looked at her son with shining eyes。
〃Dear old Dick！〃 she said； 〃how happy you must be！〃
Half