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close by the door。
It was a note：
I have made a mistake。 Please forgive me； and go away。ANTONIA。
CHAPTER XXXII
WILDERNESS
When he had read this note； Shelton put it down beside his sleeve…
links on his dressing table； stared in the mirror at himself； and
laughed。 But his lips soon stopped him laughing； he threw himself
upon his bed and pressed his face into the pillows。 He lay there
half…dressed throughout the night； and when he rose； soon after dawn；
he had not made his mind up what to do。 The only thing he knew for
certain was that he must not meet Antonia。
At last he penned the following：
I have had a sleepless night with toothache； and think it best to run
up to the dentist at once。 If a tooth must come out； the sooner the
better。
He addressed it to Mrs。 Dennant； and left it on his table。 After
doing this he threw himself once more upon his bed； and this time
fell into a doze。
He woke with a start； dressed； and let himself quietly out。 The
likeness of his going to that of Ferrand struck him。 〃Both outcasts
now；〃 he thought。
He tramped on till noon without knowing or caring where he went；
then； entering a field； threw himself down under the hedge； and fell
asleep。
He was awakened by a whirr。 A covey of partridges； with wings
glistening in the sun； were straggling out across the adjoining field
of mustard。 They soon settled in the old…maidish way of partridges；
and began to call upon each other。
Some cattle had approached him in his sleep； and a beautiful bay cow；
with her head turned sideways； was snuffing at him gently； exhaling
her peculiar sweetness。 She was as fine in legs and coat as any
race…horse。 She dribbled at the corners of her black； moist lips；
her eye was soft and cynical。 Breathing the vague sweetness of the
mustard…field； rubbing dry grasp…stalks in his fingers； Shelton had a
moment's happinessthe happiness of sun and sky； of the eternal
quiet； and untold movements of the fields。 Why could not human
beings let their troubles be as this cow left the flies that clung
about her eyes？ He dozed again； and woke up with a laugh； for this
was what he dreamed：
He fancied he was in a room； at once the hall and drawing…room of
some country house。 In the centre of this room a lady stood； who was
looking in a hand…glass at her face。 Beyond a door or window could
be seen a garden with a row of statues； and through this door people
passed without apparent object。
Suddenly Shelton saw his mother advancing to the lady with the hand…
glass； whom now he recognised as Mrs。 Foliot。 But； as he looked； his
mother changed to Mrs。 Dennant； and began speaking in a voice that
was a sort of abstract of refinement。 〃Je fais de la philosophic；〃
it said； 〃I take the individual for what she's worth。 I do not
condemn； above all； one must have spirit！〃 The lady with the mirror
continued looking in the glass； and； though he could not see her
face； he could see its image…pale； with greenish eyes； and a smile
like scorn itself。 Then； by a swift transition； he was walking in
the garden talking to Mrs。 Dennant。
It was from this talk that he awoke with laughter。 〃But；〃 she had
been saying； 〃Dick； I've always been accustomed to believe what I was
told。 It was so unkind of her to scorn me just because I happen to
be second…hand。〃 And her voice awakened Shelton's pity； it was like
a frightened child's。 〃I don't know what I shall do if I have to
form opinions for myself。 I was n't brought up to it。 I 've always
had them nice and secondhand。 How am I to go to work？ One must
believe what other people do； not that I think much of other people；
but； you do know what it isone feels so much more comfortable；〃 and
her skirts rustled。 〃But； Dick； whatever happens〃her voice
entreated〃do let Antonia get her judgments secondhand。 Never mind
for meif I must form opinions for myself； I mustbut don't let
her； any old opinions so long as they are old。 It 's dreadful to
have to think out new ones for oneself。〃 And he awoke。 His dream
had had in it the element called Art； for； in its gross absurdity；
Mrs。 Dennant had said things that showed her soul more fully than
anything she would have said in life。
〃No；〃 said a voice quite close； behind the hedge； 〃not many
Frenchmen； thank the Lord！ A few coveys of Hungarians over from the
Duke's。 Sir James； some pie？〃
Shelton raised himself with drowsy curiositystill half asleepand
applied his face to a gap in the high； thick osiers of the hedge。
Four men were seated on camp…stools round a folding…table； on which
was a pie and other things to eat。 A game…cart； well…adorned with
birds and hares； stood at a short distance； the tails of some dogs
were seen moving humbly； and a valet opening bottles。 Shelton had
forgotten that it was 〃the first。〃 The host was a soldierly and
freckled man； an older man sat next him； square…jawed； with an
absent…looking eye and sharpened nose； next him； again； there was a
bearded person whom they seemed to call the Commodore； in the fourth；
to his alarm； Shelton recognised the gentleman called Mabbey。 It was
really no matter for surprise to meet him miles from his own place；
for he was one of those who wander with a valet and two guns from the
twelfth of August to the end of January； and are then supposed to go
to Monte Carlo or to sleep until the twelfth of August comes again。
He was speaking。
〃Did you hear what a bag we made on the twelfth； Sir James？〃
〃Ah！ yes； what was that？ Have you sold your bay horse； Glennie？〃
Shelton had not decided whether or no to sneak away； when the
Commodore's thick voice began：
〃My man tellsh me that Mrs。 Foliothawhas lamed her Arab。 Does
she mean to come out cubbing？〃
Shelton observed the smile that came on all their faces。 〃Foliot 's
paying for his good time now； what a donkey to get caught！〃 it seemed
to say。 He turned his back and shut his eyes。
〃Cubbing？〃 replied Glennie； 〃hardly。〃
〃Never could shee anything wonderful in her looks；〃 went on the
Commodore； 〃so quiet； you never knew that she was in the room。 I
remember sayin' to her once； 〃Mrs。 Lutheran； now what do you like
besht in all the world？ and what do you think she answered？ 'Music！'
Haw！〃
The voice of Mabbey said：
〃He was always a dark horse； Foliot： It 's always the dark horses
that get let in for this kind of thing〃； and there was a sound as
though he licked his lips。
〃They say；〃 said the voice of the host； 〃he never gives you back a
greeting now。 Queer fish； they say that she's devoted to him。〃
Coming so closely on his meeting with this lady； and on the dream
from which he had awakened； this conversation mesmerised the listener
behind the hedge。
〃If he gives up his huntin' and his shootin'； I don't see what the
deuce he 'll do； he's resigned his clubs； as to his chance of
Parliament…〃 said the voice of Mabbey。
〃Thousand pities；〃 said Sir James； 〃still； he knew what to expect。〃
〃Very queer fellows； those Foliots；〃 said the Commodore。 〃There was
his father： he 'd always rather talk to any scarecrow he came across
than to you or me。 Wonder what he'll do with all his horses； I
should like that chestnut of his。〃
〃You can't tell what a fellow 'll do；〃 said the voice of Mabbey
〃take to drink or writin' books。 Old Charlie Wayne came to gazin' at
stars； and twice a week he used to go and paddle round in
Whitechapel； teachin' pothooks〃
〃Glennie；〃 said Sir James； 〃what 's become of Smollett； your old
keeper？〃
〃Obliged to get rid of him。〃 Shelton tried again to close his ears；
but again he listened。 〃Getting a bit too old； lost me a lot of eggs
last season。〃
〃Ah！〃 said the Commodore； 〃when they oncesh begin to lose eggsh 〃
〃As a matter of fact； his sonyou remember him； Sir James； he used
to load for you？got a girl into trouble； when her people gave her
the chuck old Smollet took her in； beastly scandal it made； too。 The
girl refused to marry Smollett； and old Smollett backed her up。
Naturally； the parson and the village cut up rough； my wife offered
to get her into one of those reformatory what…d' you…call…'ems； but
the old fellow said she should n't go if she did n't want to。 Bad
business altogether； put him quite off his stroke。 I only got five
hundred pheasants last year instead of eight。〃
There was a silence。 Shelton again peeped through the hedge。 All
were eating pie。
〃In Warwickshire；〃 said the Commodore； 〃they always marryhawand
live reshpectable ever after。〃
〃Quite so；〃 remarked the host； 〃it was a bit too thick； her refusing
to marry him。 She said he took advantage of her。〃
〃She's sorry by this time；〃 said Sir James； 〃lucky escape for young
Smollett。 Queer； the obstinacy of some of these old fellows！〃
〃What are we doing after lunch？〃 asked