按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
overlooked （or had not been able to sell） in the Nivernais； with the
noble chateau of d'Anzy。 Monsieur de Maufrigneuse was steeped in debt。
Later I learned what it was to have debts； but then I was too utterly
ignorant of life to suspect my position； the money saved out of my
fortune went to pacify my husband's creditors。 Monsieur de
Maufrigneuse was forty…eight years of age when I married him； but
those years were like military campaigns； they ought to count for
twice what they were。 Ah！ what a life I led for ten years！ If any one
had known the suffering of this poor； calumniated little woman！ To be
watched by a mother jealous of her daughter！ Heavens！ You who make
dramas； you will never invent anything as direful as that。 Ordinarily；
according to the little that I know of literature； a drama is a suite
of actions； speeches； movements which hurry to a catastrophe； but what
I speak of was a catastrophe in action。 It was an avalanche fallen in
the morning and falling again at night only to fall again the next
day。 I am cold now as I speak to you of that cavern without an
opening； cold； sombre； in which I lived。 I； poor little thing that I
was！ brought up in a convent like a mystic rose； knowing nothing of
marriage； developing late； I was happy at first； I enjoyed the
goodwill and harmony of our family。 The birth of my poor boy； who is
all meyou must have been struck by the likeness？ my hair； my eyes；
the shape of my face； my mouth； my smile； my teeth！well； his birth
was a relief to me； my thoughts were diverted by the first joys of
maternity from my husband； who gave me no pleasure and did nothing for
me that was kind or amiable； those joys were all the keener because I
knew no others。 It had been so often rung into my ears that a mother
should respect herself。 Besides； a young girl loves to play the
mother。 I was so proud of my flowerfor Georges was beautiful； a
miracle； I thought！ I saw and thought of nothing but my son； I lived
with my son。 I never let his nurse dress or undress him。 Such cares；
so wearing to mothers who have a regiment of children； were all my
pleasure。 But after three or four years； as I was not an actual fool；
light came to my eyes in spite of the pains taken to blindfold me。 Can
you see me at that final awakening； in 1819？ The drama of 'The
Brothers at enmity' is a rose…water tragedy beside that of a mother
and daughter placed as we then were。 But I braved them all； my mother；
my husband； the world； by public coquetries which society talked of；
and heaven knows how it talked！ You can see； my friend； how the men
with whom I was accused of folly were to me the dagger with which to
stab my enemies。 Thinking only of my vengeance； I did not see or feel
the wounds I was inflicting on myself。 Innocent as a child； I was
thought a wicked woman； the worst of women； and I knew nothing of it！
The world is very foolish； very blind； very ignorant； it can penetrate
no secrets but those which amuse it and serve its malice： noble
things； great things； it puts its hand before its eyes to avoid
seeing。 But； as I look back； it seems to me that I had an attitude and
aspect of indignant innocence； with movements of pride； which a great
painter would have recognized。 I must have enlivened many a ball with
my tempests of anger and disdain。 Lost poesy！ such sublime poems are
only made in the glowing indignation which seizes us at twenty。 Later；
we are wrathful no longer； we are too weary； vice no longer amazes us；
we are cowards； we fear。 But thenoh！ I kept a great pace！ For all
that I played the silliest personage in the world； I was charged with
crimes by which I never benefited。 But I had such pleasure in
compromising myself。 That was my revenge！ Ah！ I have played many
childish tricks！ I went to Italy with a thoughtless youth； whom I
crushed when he spoke to me of love； but later； when I herd that he
was compromised on my account （he had committed a forgery to get
money） I rushed to save him。 My mother and husband kept me almost
without means； but； this time； I went to the king。 Louis XVIII。； that
man without a heart； was touched； he gave me a hundred thousand francs
from his privy purse。 The Marquis d'Esgrignonyou must have seen him
in society for he ended by making a rich marriagewas saved from the
abyss into which he had plunged for my sake。 That adventure； caused by
my own folly； led me to reflect。 I saw that I myself was the first
victim of my vengeance。 My mother； who knew I was too proud； too
d'Uxelles； to conduct myself really ill； began to see the harm that
she had done me and was frightened by it。 She was then fifty…two years
of age； she left Paris and went to live at Uxelles。 There she expiates
her wrong…doing by a life of devotion and expresses the utmost
affection for me。 After her departure I was face to face； alone； with
Monsieur de Maufrigneuse。 Oh！ my friend； you men can never know what
an old man of gallantry can be。 What a home is that of a man
accustomed to the adulation of women of the world； when he finds
neither incense nor censer in his own house！ dead to all！ and yet；
perhaps for that very reason； jealous。 I wishedwhen Monsieur de
Maufrigneuse was wholly mineI wished to be a good wife； but I found
myself repulsed with the harshness of a soured spirit by a man who
treated me like a child and took pleasure in humiliating my self…
respect at every turn； in crushing me under the scorn of his
experience； and in convicting me of total ignorance。 He wounded me on
all occasions。 He did everything to make me detest him and to give me
the right to betray him； but I was still the dupe of my own hope and
of my desire to do right through several years。 Shall I tell you the
cruel saying that drove me to further follies？ 'The Duchesse de
Maufrigneuse has gone back to her husband；' said the world。 'Bah！ it
is always a triumph to bring the dead to life； it is all she can now
do；' replied my best friend； a relation； she； at whose house I met
you〃
〃Madame d'Espard！〃 cried Daniel； with a gesture of horror。
〃Oh！ I have forgiven her。 Besides； it was very witty； and I have
myself made just as cruel epigrams on other poor women as innocent as
myself。〃
D'Arthez again kissed the hand of that saintly woman who； having
hacked her mother in pieces； and turned the Prince de Cadignan into an
Othello； now proceeded to accuse herself in order to appear in the
eyes of that innocent great man as immaculate as the silliest or the
wisest of women desire to seem at all costs to their lovers。
〃You will readily understand； my friend； that I returned to society
for the purpose of excitement and I may say of notoriety。 I felt that
I must conquer my independence。 I led a life of dissipation。 To divert
my mind； to forget my real life in fictitious enjoyments I was gay； I
shone； I gave fetes； I played the princess； and I ran in debt。 At home
I could forget myself in the sleep of weariness； able to rise the next
day gay； and frivolous for the world； but in that sad struggle to
escape my real life I wasted my fortune。 The revolution of 1830 came；
it came at the very moment when I had met； at the end of that Arabian
Nights' life； a pure and sacred love which （I desire to be honest） I
had longed to know。 Was it not natural in a woman whose heart；
repressed by many causes and accidents； was awakening at an age when a
woman feels herself cheated if she has never known； like the women she
sees about her； a happy love？ Ah！ why was Michel Chrestien so
respectful？ Why did he not seek to meet me？ There again was another
mockery！ But what of that？ in falling； I have lost everything； I have
no illusions left； I had tasted of all things except the one fruit for
which I have no longer teeth。 Yes； I found myself disenchanted with
the world at the very moment when I was forced to leave it。
Providential； was it not？ like all those strange insensibilities which
prepare us for death〃 （she made a gesture full of pious unction）。 〃All
things served me then；〃 she continued； 〃the disasters of the monarchy
and its ruin helped me to bury myself。 My son consoles me for much。
Maternal love takes the place of all frustrated feelings。 The world is
surprised at my retirement； but to me it has brought peace。 Ah！ if you
knew how happy the poor creature before you is in this little place。
In sacrificing all to my son I forget to think of joys of which I am
and ever must be ignorant。 Yes； hope has flown； I now fear everything；
no doubt I should repulse the truest sentiment； the purest and most
veritable love； in memory of the deceptions and the miseries of my
life。 It is all horrible； is it not？ and yet； what I have told you is
the history of many women。〃
The last few words were said in a tone of easy pleasantry which
recalled the presence of the woman of the world。 D'Arthez was
dumbfounded。 In his eyes convicts sent to the galleys for murder； or
aggravated robbery； or for puttin