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THE WHOLE HOUSE: Coward。 。 e back!
CYRANO (delighted; sits back in his chair; arms crossed): Come back an if you dare!
A BURGHER: Call for the orator!
(Bellerose comes forward and bows。)
THE BOXES: Ah! here's Bellerose!
BELLEROSE (elegantly): My noble lords。 。 。
THE PIT: No! no! Jodelet!
JODELET (advancing; speaking through his nose): Calves!
THE PIT: Ah! bravo! good! go on!
JODELET: No bravos; Sirs! The fat tragedian whom you all love Felt。 。 。
THE PIT: Coward!
JODELET: 。 。 。was obliged to go。
THE PIT: Come back!
SOME: No!
OTHERS: Yes!
A YOUNG MAN (to Cyrano): But pray; Sir; for what reason; say; Hate you Montfleury?
CYRANO (graciously; still seated): Youthful gander; know I have two reasonseither will suffice。 Primo。 An actor villainous! who mouths; And heaves up like a bucket from a well The verses that should; bird…like; fly! Secundo That is my secret。 。 。
THE OLD BURGHER (behind him): Shameful! You deprive us Of the 'Clorise!' I must insist。 。 。
CYRANO (turning his chair toward the burgher; respectfully): Old mule! The verses of old Baro are not worth A doit! I'm glad to interrupt。 。 。
THE PRECIEUSES (in the boxes): Our Baro! My dear! How dares he venture!。 。 。
CYRANO (turning his chair toward the boxes gallantly): Fairest ones; Radiate; bloom; hold to our lips the cup Of dreams intoxicating; Hebe…like! Or; when death strikes; charm death with your sweet smiles; Inspire our verse; butcriticise it not!
BELLEROSE: We must give back the entrance fees!
CYRANO (turning his chair toward the stage): Bellerose; You make the first intelligent remark! Would I rend Thespis' sacred mantle? Nay! (He rises and throws a bag on the stage): Catch then the purse I throw; and hold your peace!
THE HOUSE (dazzled): Ah! Oh!
JODELET (catching the purse dexterously and weighing it): At this price; you've authority To come each night; and stop 'Clorise;' Sir!
THE PIT: Ho!。 。 。Ho! Ho!。 。 。
JODELET: E'en if you chase us in a pack!。 。 。
BELLEROSE: Clear out the hall!。 。 。
JODELET: Get you all gone at once!
(The people begin to go out; while Cyrano looks on with satisfaction。 But the crowd soon stop on hearing the following scene; and remain where they are。 The women; who; with their mantles on; are already standing up in the boxes; stop to listen; and finally reseat themselves。)
LE BRET (to Cyrano): 'Tis mad!。 。 。
A BORE (coming up to Cyrano): The actor Montfleury! 'Tis shameful! Why; he's protected by the Duke of Candal! Have you a patron?
CYRANO: No!
THE BORE: No patron?。 。 。
CYRANO: None!
THE BORE: What! no great lord to shield you with his name?
CYRANO (irritated): No; I have told you twice! Must I repeat? No! no protector。 。 。 (His hand on his sword): A protectress。 。 。here!
THE BORE: But you must leave the town?
CYRANO: Well; that depends!
THE BORE: The Duke has a long arm!
CYRANO: But not so long As mine; when it is lengthened out。 。 。 (Shows his sword): As thus!
THE BORE: You think not to contend?
CYRANO: 'Tis my idea!
THE BORE: But。 。 。
CYRANO: Show your heels! now!
THE BORE: But I。 。 。
CYRANO: Or tell me why you stare so at my nose!
THE BORE (staggered): I。 。 。
CYRANO (walking straight up to him): Well; what is there strange?
THE BORE (drawing back): Your Grace mistakes!
CYRANO: How now? Is't soft and dangling; like a trunk?。 。 。
THE BORE (same play): I never。 。 。
CYRANO: Is it crook'd; like an owl's beak?
THE BORE: I。 。 。
CYRANO: Do you see a wart upon the tip?
THE BORE: Nay。 。 。
CYRANO: Or a fly; that takes the air there? What Is there to stare at?
THE BORE: Oh。 。 。
CYRANO: What do you see?
THE BORE: But I was careful not to lookknew better。
CYRANO: And why not look at it; an if you please?
THE BORE: I was。 。 。
CYRANO: Oh! it disgusts you!
THE BORE: Sir!
CYRANO: Its hue Unwholesome seems to you?
THE BORE: Sir!
CYRANO: Or its shape?
THE BORE: No; on the contrary!。 。 。
CYRANO: Why then that air Disparaging?perchance you think it large?
THE BORE (stammering): No; small; quite smallminute!
CYRANO: Minute! What now? Accuse me of a thing ridiculous! Smallmy nose?
THE BORE: Heaven help me!
CYRANO: 'Tis enormous! Old Flathead; empty…headed meddler; know That I am proud possessing such appendice。 'Tis well known; a big nose is indicative Of a soul affable; and kind; and courteous; Liberal; brave; just like myself; and such As you can never dare to dream yourself; Rascal contemptible! For that witless face That my hand soon will come to cuffis all As empty。 。 。
(He cuffs him。)
THE BORE: Aie!
CYRANO: of pride; of aspiration; Of feeling; poetryof godlike spark Of all that appertains to my big nose; (He turns him by the shoulders; suiting the action to the word): As。 。 。what my boot will shortly come and kick!
THE BORE (running away): Help! Call the Guard!
CYRANO: Take notice; boobies all; Who find my visage's center ornament A thing to jest atthat it is my wont An if the jester's nobleere we part To let him taste my steel; and not my boot!
DE GUICHE (who; with the marquises; has come down from the stage): But he becomes a nuisance!
THE VISCOUNT DE VALVERT (shrugging his shoulders): Swaggerer!
DE GUICHE: Will no one put him down?。 。 。
THE VISCOUNT: No one? But wait! I'll treat him to。 。 。one of my quips!。 。 。See here!。 。 。 (He goes up to Cyrano; who is watching him; and with a conceited air): Sir; your nose is。 。 。hmm。 。 。it is。 。 。very big!
CYRANO (gravely): Very!
THE VISCOUNT (laughing): Ha!
CYRANO (imperturbably): Is that all?。 。 。
THE VISCOUNT: What do you mean?
CYRANO: Ah no! young blade! That was a trifle short! You might have said at least a hundred things By varying the tone。 。 。like this; suppose;。 。 。 Aggressive: 'Sir; if I had such a nose I'd amputate it!' Friendly: 'When you sup It must annoy you; dipping in your cup; You need a drinking…bowl of special shape!' Descriptive: ''Tis a rock!。 。 。a peak!。 。 。a cape! A cape; forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular!' Curious: 'How serves that oblong capsular? For scissor…sheath? Or pot to hold your ink?' Gracious: 'You love the little birds; I think? I see you've managed with a fond research To find their tiny claws a roomy perch!' Truculent: 'When you smoke your pipe。 。 。suppose That the tobacco…smoke spouts from your nose Do not the neighbors; as the fumes rise higher; Cry terror…struck: 〃The chimney is afire〃?' Considerate: 'Take care;。 。 。your head bowed low By such a weight。 。 。lest head o'er heels you go!' Tender: 'Pray get a small umbrella made; Lest its bright color in the sun should fade!' Pedantic: 'That beast Aristophanes Names Hippocamelelephantoles Must have possessed just such a solid lump Of flesh and bone; beneath his forehead's bump!' Cavalier: 'The last fashion; friend; that hook? To hang your hat on? 'Tis a useful crook!' Emphatic: 'No wind; O majestic nose; Can give THEE cold!save when the mistral blows!' Dramatic: 'When it bleeds; what a Red Sea!' Admiring: 'Sign for a perfumery!' Lyric: 'Is this a conch?。 。 。a Triton you?' Simple: 'When is the monument on view?' Rustic: 'That thing a nose? Marry…come…up! 'Tis a dwarf pumpkin; or a prize turnip!' Military: 'Point against cavalry!' Practical: 'Put it in a lottery! Assuredly 'twould be the biggest prize!' Or。 。 。parodying Pyramus' sighs。 。 。 'Behold the nose that mars the harmony Of its master's phiz! blushing its treachery!' Such; my dear sir; is what you might have said; Had you of wit or letters the least jot: But; O most lamentable man!of wit You never had an atom; and of letters You have three letters only!they spell Ass! Andhad you had the necessary wit; To serve me all the pleasantries I quote Before this noble audience。 。 。e'en so; You would not have been let to utter one Nay; not the half or quarter of such jest! I take them from myself all in good part; But not from any other man that breathes!
DE GUICHE (trying to draw away the dismayed viscount): Come away; Viscount!
THE VISCOUNT (choking with rage): Hear his arrogance! A country lout who。 。 。who。 。 。has got no gloves! Who goes out without sleeve…knots; ribbons; lace!
CYRANO: True; all my elegances are within。 I do not prank myself out; puppy…like; My toilet is more thorough; if less gay; I would not sally fortha half…washed…out Affront upon my cheeka conscience Yellow…eyed; bilious; from its sodden sleep; A ruffled honor;。 。 。scruples grimed and dull! I show no bravery of shining gems。 Truth; Independence; are my fluttering plumes。 'Tis not my form I lace to make me slim; But brace my soul with efforts as with stays; Covered with exploits; not with ribbon…knots; My spirit bristling high like your mustaches; I; traversing the crowds and chattering groups Make Truth ring bravel