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part 4-第11章

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erty than he usually did in his friendships or gallantries



with young artists; because she seemed to him distinctly



not the marrying kind。  She impressed him as equipped to



be an artist; and to be nothing else; already directed; con…



centrated; formed as to mental habit。  He was generous



and sympathetic; and she was lonely and needed friendship;



needed cheerfulness。  She had not much power of reaching



out toward useful people or useful experiences; did not see



opportunities。  She had no tact about going after good



positions or enlisting the interest of influential persons。



She antagonized people rather than conciliated them。  He



discovered at once that she had a merry side; a robust



humor that was deep and hearty; like her laugh; but it



slept most of the time under her own doubts and the dull…



ness of her life。  She had not what is called a 〃sense of



humor。〃  That is; she had no intellectual humor; no power



to enjoy the absurdities of people; no relish of their preten…



tiousness and inconsistencieswhich only depressed her。



But her joviality; Fred felt; was an asset; and ought to be



developed。  He discovered that she was more receptive and



more effective under a pleasant stimulus than she was



under the gray grind which she considered her salvation。



She was still Methodist enough to believe that if a thing



were hard and irksome; it must be good for her。  And yet;



whatever she did well was spontaneous。  Under the least



glow of excitement; as at Mrs。 Nathanmeyer's; he had seen



the apprehensive; frowning drudge of Bowers's studio flash



into a resourceful and consciously beautiful woman。



















     His interest in Thea was serious; almost from the first;



and so sincere that he felt no distrust of himself。  He be…



lieved that he knew a great deal more about her possibili…



ties than Bowers knew; and he liked to think that he had



given her a stronger hold on life。  She had never seen her…



self or known herself as she did at Mrs。 Nathanmeyer's



musical evenings。  She had been a different girl ever since。



He had not anticipated that she would grow more fond of



him than his immediate usefulness warranted。  He thought



he knew the ways of artists; and; as he said; she must have



been 〃at it from her cradle。〃  He had imagined; perhaps;



but never really believed; that he would find her waiting



for him sometime as he found her waiting on the day



he reached the Biltmer ranch。  Once he found her so



well; he did not pretend to be anything more or less



than a reasonably well…intentioned young man。  A lovesick



girl or a flirtatious woman he could have handled easily





enough。  But a personality like that; unconsciously reveal…



ing itself for the first time under the exaltation of a per…



sonal feeling;what could one do but watch it?  As he



used to say to himself; in reckless moments back there in



the canyon; 〃You can't put out a sunrise。〃  He had to



watch it; and then he had to share it。







     Besides; was he really going to do her any harm?  The



Lord knew he would marry her if he could!  Marriage would



be an incident; not an end with her; he was sure of that。



If it were not he; it would be some one else; some one who



would be a weight about her neck; probably; who would



hold her back and beat her down and divert her from the



first plunge for which he felt she was gathering all her ener…



gies。  He meant to help her; and he could not think of



another man who would。  He went over his unmarried



friends; East and West; and he could not think of one who



would know what she was driving ator care。  The clever



ones were selfish; the kindly ones were stupid。







     〃Damn it; if she's going to fall in love with somebody; it















had better be me than any of the othersof the sort



she'd find。  Get her tied up with some conceited ass who'd



try to make her over; train her like a puppy!  Give one of



'em a big nature like that; and he'd be horrified。  He



wouldn't show his face in the clubs until he'd gone after



her and combed her down to conform to some fool idea in



his own headput there by some other woman; too; his



first sweetheart or his grandmother or a maiden aunt。  At



least; I understand her。  I know what she needs and where



she's bound; and I mean to see that she has a fighting



chance。〃







     His own conduct looked crooked; he admitted; but he



asked himself whether; between men and women; all ways



were not more or less crooked。  He believed those which are



called straight were the most dangerous of all。  They



seemed to him; for the most part; to lie between windowless



stone walls; and their rectitude had been achieved at the



expense of light and air。  In their unquestioned regularity



lurked every sort of human cruelty and meanness; and



every kind of humiliation and suffering。  He would rather



have any woman he cared for wounded than crushed。  He



would deceive her not once; he told himself fiercely; but a



hundred times; to keep her free。











     When Fred went back to the observation car at one



o'clock; after the luncheon call; it was empty; and he found



Thea alone on the platform。  She put out her hand; and



met his eyes。







     〃It's as I said。  Things have closed behind me。  I can't



go back; so I am going onto Mexico?〃  She lifted her



face with an eager; questioning smile。







     Fred met it with a sinking heart。  Had he really hoped



she would give him another answer?  He would have given



pretty much anything  But there; that did no good。  He



could give only what he had。  Things were never complete



in this world; you had to snatch at them as they came or go















without。  Nobody could look into her face and draw back;



nobody who had any courage。  She had courage enough for



anythinglook at her mouth and chin and eyes!  Where



did it come from; that light?  How could a face; a familiar



face; become so the picture of hope; be painted with the



very colors of youth's exaltation?  She was right; she was



not one of those who draw back。  Some people get on by



avoiding dangers; others by riding through them。







     They stood by the railing looking back at the sand levels;



both feeling that the train was steaming ahead very fast。



Fred's mind was a confusion of images and ideas。  Only



two things were clear to him: the force of her determination;



and the belief that; handicapped as he was; he could do



better by her than another man would do。  He knew he



would always remember her; standing there with that ex…



pectant; forward…looking smile; enough to turn the future



into summer。





End of Part IV

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