按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
erty than he usually did in his friendships or gallantries
with young artists; because she seemed to him distinctly
not the marrying kind。 She impressed him as equipped to
be an artist; and to be nothing else; already directed; con…
centrated; formed as to mental habit。 He was generous
and sympathetic; and she was lonely and needed friendship;
needed cheerfulness。 She had not much power of reaching
out toward useful people or useful experiences; did not see
opportunities。 She had no tact about going after good
positions or enlisting the interest of influential persons。
She antagonized people rather than conciliated them。 He
discovered at once that she had a merry side; a robust
humor that was deep and hearty; like her laugh; but it
slept most of the time under her own doubts and the dull…
ness of her life。 She had not what is called a 〃sense of
humor。〃 That is; she had no intellectual humor; no power
to enjoy the absurdities of people; no relish of their preten…
tiousness and inconsistencieswhich only depressed her。
But her joviality; Fred felt; was an asset; and ought to be
developed。 He discovered that she was more receptive and
more effective under a pleasant stimulus than she was
under the gray grind which she considered her salvation。
She was still Methodist enough to believe that if a thing
were hard and irksome; it must be good for her。 And yet;
whatever she did well was spontaneous。 Under the least
glow of excitement; as at Mrs。 Nathanmeyer's; he had seen
the apprehensive; frowning drudge of Bowers's studio flash
into a resourceful and consciously beautiful woman。
His interest in Thea was serious; almost from the first;
and so sincere that he felt no distrust of himself。 He be…
lieved that he knew a great deal more about her possibili…
ties than Bowers knew; and he liked to think that he had
given her a stronger hold on life。 She had never seen her…
self or known herself as she did at Mrs。 Nathanmeyer's
musical evenings。 She had been a different girl ever since。
He had not anticipated that she would grow more fond of
him than his immediate usefulness warranted。 He thought
he knew the ways of artists; and; as he said; she must have
been 〃at it from her cradle。〃 He had imagined; perhaps;
but never really believed; that he would find her waiting
for him sometime as he found her waiting on the day
he reached the Biltmer ranch。 Once he found her so
well; he did not pretend to be anything more or less
than a reasonably well…intentioned young man。 A lovesick
girl or a flirtatious woman he could have handled easily
enough。 But a personality like that; unconsciously reveal…
ing itself for the first time under the exaltation of a per…
sonal feeling;what could one do but watch it? As he
used to say to himself; in reckless moments back there in
the canyon; 〃You can't put out a sunrise。〃 He had to
watch it; and then he had to share it。
Besides; was he really going to do her any harm? The
Lord knew he would marry her if he could! Marriage would
be an incident; not an end with her; he was sure of that。
If it were not he; it would be some one else; some one who
would be a weight about her neck; probably; who would
hold her back and beat her down and divert her from the
first plunge for which he felt she was gathering all her ener…
gies。 He meant to help her; and he could not think of
another man who would。 He went over his unmarried
friends; East and West; and he could not think of one who
would know what she was driving ator care。 The clever
ones were selfish; the kindly ones were stupid。
〃Damn it; if she's going to fall in love with somebody; it
had better be me than any of the othersof the sort
she'd find。 Get her tied up with some conceited ass who'd
try to make her over; train her like a puppy! Give one of
'em a big nature like that; and he'd be horrified。 He
wouldn't show his face in the clubs until he'd gone after
her and combed her down to conform to some fool idea in
his own headput there by some other woman; too; his
first sweetheart or his grandmother or a maiden aunt。 At
least; I understand her。 I know what she needs and where
she's bound; and I mean to see that she has a fighting
chance。〃
His own conduct looked crooked; he admitted; but he
asked himself whether; between men and women; all ways
were not more or less crooked。 He believed those which are
called straight were the most dangerous of all。 They
seemed to him; for the most part; to lie between windowless
stone walls; and their rectitude had been achieved at the
expense of light and air。 In their unquestioned regularity
lurked every sort of human cruelty and meanness; and
every kind of humiliation and suffering。 He would rather
have any woman he cared for wounded than crushed。 He
would deceive her not once; he told himself fiercely; but a
hundred times; to keep her free。
When Fred went back to the observation car at one
o'clock; after the luncheon call; it was empty; and he found
Thea alone on the platform。 She put out her hand; and
met his eyes。
〃It's as I said。 Things have closed behind me。 I can't
go back; so I am going onto Mexico?〃 She lifted her
face with an eager; questioning smile。
Fred met it with a sinking heart。 Had he really hoped
she would give him another answer? He would have given
pretty much anything But there; that did no good。 He
could give only what he had。 Things were never complete
in this world; you had to snatch at them as they came or go
without。 Nobody could look into her face and draw back;
nobody who had any courage。 She had courage enough for
anythinglook at her mouth and chin and eyes! Where
did it come from; that light? How could a face; a familiar
face; become so the picture of hope; be painted with the
very colors of youth's exaltation? She was right; she was
not one of those who draw back。 Some people get on by
avoiding dangers; others by riding through them。
They stood by the railing looking back at the sand levels;
both feeling that the train was steaming ahead very fast。
Fred's mind was a confusion of images and ideas。 Only
two things were clear to him: the force of her determination;
and the belief that; handicapped as he was; he could do
better by her than another man would do。 He knew he
would always remember her; standing there with that ex…
pectant; forward…looking smile; enough to turn the future
into summer。
End of Part IV