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part 4-第9章

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hurt her。







     〃What's at the bottom of your mind; Thea?〃 he asked



hurriedly。  〃I can't tell。  Why do you consider it at all; if



you're not sure?  Why are you here with me now?〃







     Her face was half…averted。  He was thinking that it



looked older and more firmalmost hardunder a veil。







     〃Isn't it possible to do things without having any very



clear reason?〃 she asked slowly。  〃I have no plan in the



back of my mind。  Now that I'm with you; I want to be



with you; that's all。  I can't settle down to being alone



again。  I am here to…day because I want to be with you



to…day。〃  She paused。  〃One thing; though; if I gave you



my word; I'd keep it。  And you could hold me; though you



don't seem to think so。  Maybe I'm not sentimental; but



I'm not very light; either。  If I went off with you like



this; it wouldn't be to amuse myself。〃







     Ottenburg's eyes fell。  His lips worked nervously for a



moment。  〃Do you mean that you really care for me; Thea



Kronborg?〃 he asked unsteadily。







     〃I guess so。  It's like anything else。  It takes hold of you



and you've got to go through with it; even if you're afraid。



I was afraid to leave Moonstone; and afraid to leave



Harsanyi。  But I had to go through with it。〃







     〃And are you afraid now?〃 Fred asked slowly。







     〃Yes; more than I've ever been。  But I don't think I



could go back。  The past closes up behind one; somehow。



One would rather have a new kind of misery。  The old



kind seems like death or unconsciousness。  You can't force



your life back into that mould again。  No; one can't go



back。〃  She rose and stood by the back grating of the



platform; her hand on the brass rail。







     Fred went to her side。  She pushed up her veil and turned















her most glowing face to him。  Her eyes were wet and



there were tears on her lashes; but she was smiling the



rare; whole…hearted smile he had seen once or twice be…



fore。  He looked at her shining eyes; her parted lips; her



chin a little lifted。  It was as if they were colored by a sun…



rise he could not see。  He put his hand over hers and clasped



it with a strength she felt。  Her eyelashes trembled; her



mouth softened; but her eyes were still brilliant。







     〃Will you always be like you were down there; if I go



with you?〃 she asked under her breath。







     His fingers tightened on hers。  〃By God; I will!〃 he



muttered。







     〃That's the only promise I'll ask you for。  Now go away



for a while and let me think about it。  Come back at lunch…



time and I'll tell you。  Will that do?〃







     〃Anything will do; Thea; if you'll only let me keep



an eye on you。  The rest of the world doesn't interest me



much。  You've got me in deep。〃







     Fred dropped her hand and turned away。  As he glanced



back from the front end of the observation car; he saw that



she was still standing there; and any one would have known



that she was brooding over something。  The earnestness of



her head and shoulders had a certain nobility。  He stood



looking at her for a moment。







     When he reached the forward smoking…car; Fred took a



seat at the end; where he could shut the other passengers



from his sight。  He put on his traveling…cap and sat down



wearily; keeping his head near the window。  〃In any case;



I shall help her more than I shall hurt her;〃 he kept saying



to himself。  He admitted that this was not the only motive



which impelled him; but it was one of them。  〃I'll make it



my business in life to get her on。  There's nothing else I



care about so much as seeing her have her chance。  She



hasn't touched her real force yet。  She isn't even aware of



it。  Lord; don't I know something about them?  There isn't



one of them that has such a depth to draw from。  She'll be















one of the great artists of our time。  Playing accompani…



ments for that cheese…faced sneak!  I'll get her off to Ger…



many this winter; or take her。  She hasn't got any time to



waste now。  I'll make it up to her; all right。〃







     Ottenburg certainly meant to make it up to her; in so



far as he could。  His feeling was as generous as strong human



feelings are likely to be。  The only trouble was; that he was



married already; and had been since he was twenty。







     His older friends in Chicago; people who had been friends



of his family; knew of the unfortunate state of his personal



affairs; but they were people whom in the natural course



of things Thea Kronborg would scarcely meet。  Mrs。



Frederick Ottenburg lived in California; at Santa Bar…



bara; where her health was supposed to be better than



elsewhere; and her husband lived in Chicago。  He visited



his wife every winter to reinforce her position; and his



devoted mother; although her hatred for her daughter…in…



law was scarcely approachable in words; went to Santa



Barbara every year to make things look better and to



relieve her son。











     When Frederick Ottenburg was beginning his junior year



at Harvard; he got a letter from Dick Brisbane; a Kansas



City boy he knew; telling him that his FIANCEE; Miss Edith



Beers; was going to New York to buy her trousseau。  She



would be at the Holland House; with her aunt and a girl



from Kansas City who was to be a bridesmaid; for two



weeks or more。  If Ottenburg happened to be going down



to New York; would he call upon Miss Beers and 〃show



her a good time〃?







     Fred did happen to be going to New York。  He was going



down from New Haven; after the Thanksgiving game。  He



called on Miss Beers and found her; as he that night tele…



graphed Brisbane; a 〃ripping beauty; no mistake。〃  He



took her and her aunt and her uninteresting friend to the



theater and to the opera; and he asked them to lunch with















him at the Waldorf。  He took no little pains in arranging



the luncheon with the head waiter。  Miss Beers was the



sort of girl with whom a young man liked to seem experi…



enced。  She was dark and slender and fiery。  She was witty



and slangy; said daring things and carried them off with



NONCHALANCE。  Her childish extravagance and contempt for



all the serious facts of life could be charged to her father's



generosity and his long packing…house purse。  Freaks that



would have been vulgar and ostentatious in a more simple…



minded girl; in Miss Beers seemed whimsical and pictur…



esque。  She darted about in magnificent furs and pumps



and close…clinging gowns; though that was the day of full



skirts。  Her hats were large and floppy。  When she wrig…



gled out of her moleskin coat at luncheon; she looked like



a slim black weasel。  Her satin dress was a mere sheath; so



conspicuous by its severity and scantness that every one in



the dining…room stared。  She ate nothing but alligator…pear



salad and hothouse grapes; drank a little champagne; and



took cognac in her coffee。  She ridiculed; in the raciest



slang; the singers they had heard at the opera the night



before; and when her aunt pretended to reprove her; she



murmured indifferently; 〃What's the matter with you;



old sport?〃  She rattled on with a subdued loquacious…



ness; always keeping her voice low and monotonous;



always looking out of the corner of her eye and speaking;



as it were; in asides; out of the corner of her mouth。  She



was scornful of everything;which became her eyebrows。



Her face was mobile and discontented; her eyes quick



and black。  There was a sort of smouldering fire about



her; young Ottenburg thought。  She entertained him pro…



digiously。







     After luncheon Miss Beers said she was going uptown to



be fitted; and that she would go alone because her aunt



made her nervous。  When Fred held her coat for her; she



murmured; 〃Thank you; Alphonse;〃 as if she were address…



ing the waiter。  As she stepped into a hansom; with a long















stretch of thin silk stocking; she said negligently; over her



fur collar; 〃Better let me take you along and drop you



somewhere。〃  He sprang in after her; and she told the driver



to go to the Park。







     It was a bright winter day; and bitterly cold。  Miss Beers



asked Fred to tell her about the game at New Haven; and



when he did so paid no attention to what he said。  She



sank back into the hansom and held her muff before her
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