友情提示:如果本网页打开太慢或显示不完整,请尝试鼠标右键“刷新”本网页!阅读过程发现任何错误请告诉我们,谢谢!! 报告错误
九色书籍 返回本书目录 我的书架 我的书签 TXT全本下载 进入书吧 加入书签

the research magnificent-第45章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!



 felt for his neck and shoulders; so that she might weep in his arms。 。 。 。

5

〃Don't say we are separated;〃 she whispered; putting her still wet face close to his。 〃No。  We're mates;〃 he answered softly; with his arm about her。 〃How could we ever keep away from each uvver?〃 she whispered。 He was silent。 〃How COULD we?〃 He answered aloud。  〃Amanda;〃 he said; 〃I mean to go round the world。〃 She disentangled herself from his arm and sat up beside him。 〃What is to become of me;〃 she asked suddenly in a voice of despair; 〃while you go round the world?  If you desert me in London;〃 she said; 〃if you shame me by deserting me in London  If you leave me; I will never forgive you; Cheetah!  Never。〃  Then in an almost breathless voice; and as if she spoke to herself; 〃Never in all my days。〃

6

It was after that that Amanda began to talk about children。  There was nothing involuntary about Amanda。  〃Soon;〃 she said; 〃we must begin to think of children。  Not just now; but a little later。  It's good to travel and have our fun; but life is unreal until there are children in the background。  No woman is really content until she is a mother。 。 。 。〃  And for nearly a fortnight nothing more was said about that solitary journey round the world。 But children were not the only new topic in Amanda's talk。  She set herself with an ingenious subtlety to remind her husband that there were other men in the world。  The convenient fags; sometimes a little embarrassed; found their inobtrusive services being brought into the light before Benham's eyes。  Most of them were much older men than himself; elderly philanderers of whom it seemed to him no sane man need be jealous; men often of forty or more; but one was a contemporary; Sir Philip Easton; a man with a touch of Spanish blood and a suggestion of Spanish fire; who quite manifestly was very much in love with Amanda and of whom she spoke with a slight perceptible difference of manner that made Benham faintly uneasy。  He was ashamed of the feeling。  Easton it seemed was a man of a peculiarly fine honour; so that Amanda could trust herself with him to an extent that would have been inadvisable with men of a commoner substance; and he had a gift of understanding and sympathy that was almost feminine; he could cheer one up when one was lonely and despondent。  For Amanda was so methodical in the arrangement of her time that even in the full rush of a London season she could find an hour now and then for being lonely and despondent。  And he was a liberal and understanding purchaser of the ascendant painters; he understood that side of Amanda's interests; a side upon which Benham was notably deficient。 。 。 。 〃Amanda seems to like that dark boy; Poff; what is his name?Sir Philip Easton?〃 said Lady Marayne。 Benham looked at her with a slightly hostile intelligence; and said nothing。 〃When a man takes a wife; he has to keep her;〃 said Lady Marayne。 〃No;〃 said Benham after consideration。  〃I don't intend to be a wife…herd。〃 〃What?〃 〃Wife…herdsame as goat…herd。〃 〃Coarse; you are sometimes; Poffnowadays。〃 〃It's exactly what I mean。  I can understand the kind of curator's interest an Oriental finds in shepherding a large establishment; but to spend my days looking after one person who ought to be able to look after herself〃 〃She's very young。〃 〃She's quite grown up。  Anyhow I'm not a moral nursemaid。〃 〃If you leave her about and go abroad〃 〃Has she been talking to you; mother?〃 〃The thing shows。〃 〃But about my going abroad?〃 〃She said something; my little Poff。〃 Lady Marayne suddenly perceived that beneath Benham's indifference was something strung very tight; as though he had been thinking inordinately。  He weighed his words before he spoke again。  〃If Amanda chooses to threaten me with a sort of conditional infidelity; I don't see that it ought to change the plans I have made for my life。 。 。 。〃

7

〃No aristocrat has any right to be jealous;〃 Benham wrote。  〃If he chances to be mated with a woman who does not see his vision or naturally go his way; he has no right to expect her; much less to compel her to go his way。  What is the use of dragging an unwilling companion through morasses of uncongenial thought to unsought ends? What is the use of dragging even a willing pretender; who has no inherent will to seek and live the aristocratic life? 〃But that does not excuse him from obedience to his own call。 。 。 。〃 He wrote that very early in his examination of the Third Limitation。 Already he had thought out and judged Amanda。  The very charm of her; the sweetness; the nearness and magic of her; was making him more grimly resolute to break away。  All the elaborate process of thinking her over had gone on behind the mask of his silences while she had been preoccupied with her housing and establishment in London; it was with a sense of extraordinary injustice; of having had a march stolen upon her; of being unfairly trapped; that Amanda found herself faced by foregone conclusions。  He was ready now even with the details of his project。  She should go on with her life in London exactly as she had planned it。  He would take fifteen hundred a year for himself and all the rest she might spend without check or stint as it pleased her。  He was going round the world for one or two years。  It was even possible he would not go alone。  There was a man at Cambridge he might persuade to come with him; a don called Prothero who was peculiarly useful in helping him to hammer out his ideas。 。 。 。 To her it became commandingly necessary that none of these things should happen。 She tried to play upon his jealousy; but her quick instinct speedily told her that this only hardened his heart。  She perceived that she must make a softer appeal。  Now of a set intention she began to revive and imitate the spontaneous passion of the honeymoon; she perceived for the first time clearly how wise and righteous a thing it is for a woman to bear a child。  〃He cannot go if I am going to have a child;〃 she told herself。  But that would mean illness; and for illness in herself or others Amanda had the intense disgust natural to her youth。  Yet even illness would be better than this intolerable publication of her husband's ability to leave her side。 。 。 。 She had a wonderful facility of enthusiasm and she set herself forthwith to cultivate a philoprogenitive ambition; to communicate it to him。  Her dread of illness disappeared; her desire for offspring grew。 〃Yes;〃 he said; 〃I want to have children; but I must go round the world none the less。〃 She argued with all the concentrated subtlety of her fine keen mind。 She argued with persistence and repetition。  And then suddenly so that she was astonished at herself; there came a moment when she ceased to argue。 She stood in the dusk in a window that looked out upon the park; and she was now so intent upon her purpose as to be still and self… forgetful; she was dressed in a dinner…dress of white and pale green; that set off her slim erect body and the strong clear lines of her neck and shoulders very beautifully; some greenish stones caught a light from without and flashed soft whispering gleams from amidst the misty darkness of her hair。  She was going to Lady Marayne and the opera; and he was bound for a dinner at the House with some young Liberals at which he was to meet two representative Indians with a grievance from Bengal。  Husband and wife had but a few moments together。  She asked about his company and he told her。 〃They will tell you about India。〃 〃Yes。〃 She stood for a moment looking out across the lights and the dark green trees; and then she turned to him。 〃Why cannot I come with you?〃 she asked with sudden passion。  〃Why cannot I see the things you want to see?〃 〃I tell you you are not interested。  You would only be interested through me。  That would not help me。  I should just be dealing out my premature ideas to you。  If you cared as I care; if you wanted to know as I want to know; it would be different。  But you don't。  It isn't your fault that you don't。  It happens so。  And there is no good in forced interest; in prescribed discovery。〃 〃Cheetah;〃 she asked; 〃what is it that you want to knowthat I don't care for?〃 〃I want to know about the world。  I want to rule the world。〃 〃So do I。〃 〃No; you want to have the world。〃 〃Isn't it the same?〃 〃No。  You're a greedier thing than I am; you Black Leopard you standing there in the dusk。  You're a stronger thing。  Don't you know you're stronger?  When I am with you; you carry your point; because you are more concentrated; more definite; less scrupulous。 When you run beside me you push me out of my path。 。 。 。  You've made me afraid of you。 。 。 。  And so I won't go with you; Leopard。 I go alone。  It isn't because I don't love you。  I love you too well。  It isn't because you aren't beautiful and wonderful。 。 。 。〃 〃But; Cheetah! nevertheless you care more for this that you want than you care for me。〃 Benham thought of it。  〃I suppose I do;〃 he said。 〃What is it that you want?  Still I don't understand。〃 Her voice had the break of one who would keep reasonable in spite of pain。 〃I ought to tell you。〃 〃Yes; you ought to tell me。〃 〃I wonder if I can tell you;〃 he said very thoughtfully; and rested his hands on his hips。  〃I shall seem ridiculous to you。〃 〃Y
返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 0 0
未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
温馨提示: 温看小说的同时发表评论,说出自己的看法和其它小伙伴们分享也不错哦!发表书评还可以获得积分和经验奖励,认真写原创书评 被采纳为精评可以获得大量金币、积分和经验奖励哦!