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years； right in the heart of the wisest old village on earth； ought to
know what he's about。 I guess I can tell a gentleman from a con man or
a flimflammer when I meet him。 I've got some odd change in my clothes
enough to start the game with； I guess。'
〃He goes through his pockets and rains 20 gold certificates on the
table till it looked like a 10；000 'Autumn Day in a Lemon Grove'
picture by Turner in the salons。 Andy almost smiled。
〃The first round that was dealt； this boulevardier slaps down his
hand； claims low and jack and big casino and rakes in the pot。
〃Andy always took a pride in his poker playing。 He got up from the
table and looked sadly out of the window at the street cars。
〃'Well； gentlemen；' says the cigar man； 'I don't blame you for not
wanting to play。 I've forgotten the fine points of the game； I guess；
it's been so long since I indulged。 Now； how long are you gentlemen
going to be in the city？'
〃I told him about a week longer。 He says that'll suit him fine。 His
cousin is coming over from Brooklyn that evening and they are going to
see the sights of New York。 His cousin； he says； is in the artificial
limb and lead casket business； and hasn't crossed the bridge in eight
years。 They expect to have the time of their lives； and he winds up by
asking me to keep his roll of money for him till next day。 I tried to
make him take it； but it only insulted him to mention it。
〃'I'll use what I've got in loose change；' says he。 'You keep the rest
for me。 I'll drop in on you and Mr。 Tucker to…morrow afternoon about 6
or 7；' says he； 'and we'll have dinner together。 Be good。'
〃After Whiskers had gone Andy looked at me curious and doubtful。
〃'Well； Jeff；' says he； 'it looks like the ravens are trying to feed
us two Elijahs so hard that if we turned 'em down again we ought to
have the Audubon Society after us。 It won't do to put the crown aside
too often。 I know this is something like paternalism； but don't you
think Opportunity has skinned its knuckles about enough knocking at
our door？'
〃I put my feet up on the table and my hands in my pockets； which is an
attitude unfavorable to frivolous thoughts。
〃'Andy；' says I； 'this man with the hirsute whiskers has got us in a
predicament。 We can't move hand or foot with his money。 You and me
have got a gentleman's agreement with Fortune that we can't break。
We've done business in the West where it's more of a fair game。 Out
there the people we skin are trying to skin us； even the farmers and
the remittance men that the magazines send out to write up Goldfields。
But there's little sport in New York city for rod； reel or gun。 They
hunt here with either one of two thingsa slungshot or a letter of
introduction。 The town has been stocked so full of carp that the game
fish are all gone。 If you spread a net here； do you catch legitimate
suckers in it； such as the Lord intended to be caughtfresh guys who
know it all； sports with a little coin and the nerve to play another
man's game； street crowds out for the fun of dropping a dollar or two
and village smarties who know just where the little pea is？ No； sir；'
says I。 'What the grafters live on here is widows and orphans； and
foreigners who save up a bag of money and hand it out over the first
counter they see with an iron railing to it； and factory girls and
little shopkeepers that never leave the block they do business on。
That's what they call suckers here。 They're nothing but canned
sardines； and all the bait you need to catch 'em is a pocketknife and
a soda cracker。
〃'Now； this cigar man；' I went on； 'is one of the types。 He's lived
twenty years on one street without learning as much as you would in
getting a once…over shave from a lockjawed barber in a Kansas
crossroads town。 But he's a New Yorker； and he'll brag about that all
the time when he isn't picking up live wires or getting in front of
street cars or paying out money to wire…tappers or standing under a
safe that's being hoisted into a skyscraper。 When a New Yorker does
loosen up；' says I； 'it's like the spring decomposition of the ice jam
in the Allegheny River。 He'll swamp you with cracked ice and back…
water if you don't get out of the way。
〃'It's mighty lucky for us； Andy；' says I； 'that this cigar exponent
with the parsley dressing saw fit to bedeck us with his childlike
trust and altruism。 For；' says I； 'this money of his is an eyesore to
my sense of rectitude and ethics。 We can't take it； Andy； you know we
can't；' says I； 'for we haven't a shadow of a title to itnot a
shadow。 If there was the least bit of a way we could put in a claim to
it I'd be willing to see him start in for another twenty years and
make another 5；000 for himself； but we haven't sold him anything； we
haven't been embroiled in a trade or anything commercial。 He
approached us friendly；' says I； 'and with blind and beautiful idiocy
laid the stuff in our hands。 We'll have to give it back to him when he
wants it。'
〃'Your arguments；' says Andy； 'are past criticism or comprehension。
No； we can't walk off with the moneyas things now stand。 I admire
your conscious way of doing business； Jeff；' says Andy； 'and I
wouldn't propose anything that wasn't square in line with your
theories of morality and initiative。
〃'But I'll be away to…night and most of to…morrow Jeff；' says Andy。
'I've got some business affairs that I want to attend to。 When this
free greenbacks party comes in to…morrow afternoon hold him here till
I arrive。 We've all got an engagement for dinner； you know。'
〃Well； sir； about 5 the next afternoon in trips the cigar man； with
his eyes half open。
〃'Been having a glorious time； Mr。 Peters；' says he。 'Took in all the
sights。 I tell you New York is the onliest only。 Now if you don't
mind；' says he； 'I'll lie down on that couch and doze off for about
nine minutes before Mr。 Tucker comes。 I'm not used to being up all
night。 And to…morrow； if you don't mind； Mr。 Peters； I'll take that
five thousand。 I met a man last night that's got a sure winner at the
racetrack to…morrow。 Excuse me for being so impolite as to go to
sleep； Mr。 Peters。'
〃And so this inhabitant of the second city in the world reposes
himself and begins to snore； while I sit there musing over things and
wishing I was back in the West； where you could always depend on a
customer fighting to keep his money hard enough to let your conscience
take it from him。
〃At half…past 5 Andy comes in and sees the sleeping form。
〃'I've been over to Trenton；' says Andy； pulling a document out of his
pocket。 'I think I've got this matter fixed up all right； Jeff。 Look
at that。'
〃I open the paper and see that it is a corporation charter issued by
the State of New Jersey to 'The Peters and Tucker Consolidated and
Amalgamated Aerial Franchise Development Company； Limited。'
〃'It's to buy up rights of way for airship lines；' explained Andy。
'The Legislature wasn't in session； but I found a man at a postcard
stand in the lobby that kept a stock of charters on hand。 There are
100；000 shares；' says Andy； 'expected to reach a par value of 1。 I
had one blank certificate of stock printed。'
〃Andy takes out the blank and begins to fill it in with a fountain
pen。
〃'The whole bunch；' says he； 'goes to our friend in dreamland for
5；000。 Did you learn his name？'
〃'Make it out to bearer；' says I。
〃We put the certificate of stock in the cigar man's hand and went out
to pack our suit cases。
〃On the ferryboat Andy says to me： 'Is your conscience easy about
taking the money now； Jeff？'
〃'Why shouldn't it be？' says I。 'Are we any better than any other
Holding Corporation？'〃
X
CONSCIENCE IN ART
〃I never could hold my partner； Andy Tucker； down to legitimate ethics
of pure swindling；〃 said Jeff Peters to me one day。
〃Andy had too much imagination to be honest。 He used to devise schemes
of money…getting so fraudulent and high…financial that they wouldn't
have been allowed in the bylaws of a railroad rebate system。
〃Myself； I never believed in taking any man's dollars unless I gave
him something for itsomething in the way of rolled gold jewelry；
garden seeds； lumbago lotion； stock certificates； stove polish or a
crack on the head to show for his money。 I guess I must have had New
England ancestors away back and inherited some of their stanch and
rugged fear of the police。
〃But Andy's family tree was in different kind。 I don't think he could
have traced his descent any further back than a corporation。
〃One summer while we was in the middle West； working down the Ohio
valley with a line of family albums； headache powders and roach
destroyer； Andy takes one of his notions of high and actionable
financiering。
〃'Jeff；' says he； 'I've been thinking that we ought to drop these
rutabaga fanciers and give our attention to something more nourishing
and prolific。 If we keep on snapshooting these hinds for their egg
money we'll be classed as nature fakers。 How about plunging into the
fastnesses of the skyscraper country and biting some big bull caribous
in the chest？'
〃'Well；' says I； 'you know my idiosyncrasies。 I prefer a square； non…
illegal style of business such as we are carr