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the gentle grafter-第16章

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but he made a train that was just pulling out。

〃'Well;' says Bill Bassett; when we had exchanged memories of our dead
lives; 'I could eat。 This town don't look like it was kept under a
Yale lock。 Suppose we commit some mild atrocity that will bring in
temporary expense money。 I don't suppose you've brought along any hair
tonic or rolled gold watch…chains; or similar law…defying swindles
that you could sell on the plaza to the pikers of the paretic
populace; have you?'

〃'No;' says I; 'I left an elegant line of Patagonian diamond earrings
and rainy…day sunbursts in my valise at Peavine。 But they're to stay
there until some of those black…gum trees begin to glut the market
with yellow clings and Japanese plums。 I reckon we can't count on them
unless we take Luther Burbank in for a partner。'

〃'Very well;' says Bassett; 'we'll do the best we can。 Maybe after
dark I'll borrow a hairpin from some lady; and open the Farmers and
Drovers Marine Bank with it。'

〃While we were talking; up pulls a passenger train to the depot near
by。 A person in a high hat gets off on the wrong side of the train and
comes tripping down the track towards us。 He was a little; fat man
with a big nose and rat's eyes; but dressed expensive; and carrying a
hand…satchel careful; as if it had eggs or railroads bonds in it。 He
passes by us and keeps on down the track; not appearing to notice the
town。

〃'Come on;' says Bill Bassett to me; starting after him。

〃'Where?' I asks。

〃'Lordy!' says Bill; 'had you forgot you was in the desert? Didn't you
see Colonel Manna drop down right before your eyes? Don't you hear the
rustling of General Raven's wings? I'm surprised at you; Elijah。'

〃We overtook the stranger in the edge of some woods; and; as it was
after sun…down and in a quiet place; nobody saw us stop him。 Bill
takes the silk hat off the man's head and brushes it with his sleeve
and puts it back。

〃'What does this mean; sir?' says the man。

〃'When I wore one of these;' says Bill; 'and felt embarrassed; I
always done that。 Not having one now I had to use yours。 I hardly know
how to begin; sir; in explaining our business with you; but I guess
we'll try your pockets first。'

〃Bill Bassett felt in all of them; and looked disgusted。

〃'Not even a watch;' he says。 'Ain't you ashamed of yourself; you
whited sculpture? Going about dressed like a head…waiter; and financed
like a Count! You haven't even got carfare。 What did you do with your
transfer?'

〃The man speaks up and says he has no assets or valuables of any sort。
But Bassett takes his hand…satchel and opens it。 Out comes some
collars and socks and a half a page of a newspaper clipped out。 Bill
reads the clipping careful; and holds out his hand to the held…up
party。

〃'Brother;' says he; 'greetings! Accept the apologies of friends。 I am
Bill Bassett; the burglar。 Mr。 Peters; you must make the acquaintance
of Mr。 Alfred E。 Ricks。 Shake hands。 Mr。 Peters;' says Bill; 'stands
about halfway between me and you; Mr。 Ricks; in the line of havoc and
corruption。 He always gives something for the money he gets。 I'm glad
to meet you; Mr。 Ricksyou and Mr。 Peters。 This is the first time I
ever attended a full gathering of the National Synod of Sharks
housebreaking; swindling; and financiering all represented。 Please
examine Mr。 Rick's credentials; Mr。 Peters。'

〃The piece of newspaper that Bill Bassett handed me had a good picture
of this Ricks on it。 It was a Chicago paper; and it had obloquies of
Ricks in every paragraph。 By reading it over I harvested the
intelligence that said alleged Ricks had laid off all that portion of
the State of Florida that lies under water into town lots and sold 'em
to alleged innocent investors from his magnificently furnished offices
in Chicago。 After he had taken in a hundred thousand or so dollars one
of these fussy purchasers that are always making trouble (I've had 'em
actually try gold watches I've sold 'em with acid) took a cheap
excursion down to the land where it is always just before supper to
look at his lot and see if it didn't need a new paling or two on the
fence; and market a few lemons in time for the Christmas present
trade。 He hires a surveyor to find his lot for him。 They run the line
out and find the flourishing town of Paradise Hollow; so advertised;
to be about 40 rods and 16 poles S。; 27 degrees E。 of the middle of
Lake Okeechobee。 This man's lot was under thirty…six feet of water;
and; besides; had been preempted so long by the alligators and gars
that his title looked fishy。

〃Naturally; the man goes back to Chicago and makes it as hot for
Alfred E。 Ricks as the morning after a prediction of snow by the
weather bureau。 Ricks defied the allegation; but he couldn't deny the
alligators。 One morning the papers came out with a column about it;
and Ricks come out by the fire…escape。 It seems the alleged
authorities had beat him to the safe…deposit box where he kept his
winnings; and Ricks has to westward ho! with only feetwear and a dozen
15…and…a…half English pokes in his shopping bag。 He happened to have
some mileage left in his book; and that took him as far as the town in
the wilderness where he was spilled out on me and Bill Bassett as
Elijah III。 with not a raven in sight for any of us。

〃Then this Alfred E。 Ricks lets out a squeak that he is hungry; too;
and denies the hypothesis that he is good for the value; let alone the
price; of a meal。 And so; there was the three of us; representing; if
we had a mind to draw syllogisms and parabolas; labor and trade and
capital。 Now; when trade has no capital there isn't a dicker to be
made。 And when capital has no money there's a stagnation in steak and
onions。 That put it up to the man with the jimmy。

〃'Brother bushrangers;' says Bill Bassett; 'never yet; in trouble; did
I desert a pal。 Hard by; in yon wood; I seem to see unfurnished
lodgings。 Let us go there and wait till dark。'

〃There was an old; deserted cabin in the grove; and we three took
possession of it。 After dark Bill Bassett tells us to wait; and goes
out for half an hour。 He comes back with a armful of bread and
spareribs and pies。

〃'Panhandled 'em at a farmhouse on Washita Avenue;' says he。 'Eat;
drink and be leary。'

〃The full moon was coming up bright; so we sat on the floor of the
cabin and ate in the light of it。 And this Bill Bassett begins to
brag。

〃'Sometimes;' says he; with his mouth full of country produce; 'I lose
all patience with you people that think you are higher up in the
profession than I am。 Now; what could either of you have done in the
present emergency to set us on our feet again? Could you do it;
Ricksy?'

〃'I must confess; Mr。 Bassett;' says Ricks; speaking nearly inaudible
out of a slice of pie; 'that at this immediate juncture I could not;
perhaps; promote an enterprise to relieve the situation。 Large
operations; such as I direct; naturally require careful preparation in
advance。 I'

〃'I know; Ricksy;' breaks in Bill Bassett。 'You needn't finish。 You
need 500 to make the first payment on a blond typewriter; and four
roomsful of quartered oak furniture。 And you need 500 more for
advertising contracts。 And you need two weeks' time for the fish to
begin to bite。 Your line of relief would be about as useful in an
emergency as advocating municipal ownership to cure a man suffocated
by eighty…cent gas。 And your graft ain't much swifter; Brother
Peters;' he winds up。

〃'Oh;' says I; 'I haven't seen you turn anything into gold with your
wand yet; Mr。 Good Fairy。 'Most anybody could rub the magic ring for a
little left…over victuals。'

〃'That was only getting the pumpkin ready;' says Bassett; braggy and
cheerful。 'The coach and six'll drive up to the door before you know
it; Miss Cinderella。 Maybe you've got some scheme under your sleeve…
holders that will give us a start。'

〃'Son;' says I; 'I'm fifteen years older than you are; and young
enough yet to take out an endowment policy。 I've been broke before。 We
can see the lights of that town not half a mile away。 I learned under
Montague Silver; the greatest street man that ever spoke from a wagon。
There are hundreds of men walking those streets this moment with
grease spots on their clothes。 Give me a gasoline lamp; a dry…goods
box; and a two…dollar bar of white castile soap; cut into little'

〃'Where's your two dollars?' snickered Bill Bassett into my discourse。
There was no use arguing with that burglar。

〃'No;' he goes on; 'you're both babes…in…the…wood。 Finance has closed
the mahogany desk; and trade has put the shutters up。 Both of you look
to labor to start the wheels going。 All right。 You admit it。 To…night
I'll show you what Bill Bassett can do。'

〃Bassett tells me and Ricks not to leave the cabin till he comes back;
even if it's daylight; and then he starts off toward town; whistling
gay。

〃This Alfred E。 Ricks pulls off his shoes and his coat; lays a silk
handkerchief over his hat; and lays down on the floor。

〃'I think I will endeavor to secure a little slumber;' he squeaks。
'The day has been fatiguing。 Good…night; my dear Mr。 Peters。'

〃'My regards to Morpheus;' says I。 'I think I'll sit up a while。'

〃About t
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