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〃'My regards to Morpheus；' says I。 'I think I'll sit up a while。'
〃About two o'clock； as near as I could guess by my watch in Peavine；
home comes our laboring man and kicks up Ricks； and calls us to the
streak of bright moonlight shining in the cabin door。 Then he spreads
out five packages of one thousand dollars each on the floor； and
begins to cackle over the nest…egg like a hen。
〃'I'll tell you a few things about that town；' says he。 'It's named
Rocky Springs； and they're building a Masonic temple； and it looks
like the Democratic candidate for mayor is going to get soaked by a
Pop； and Judge Tucker's wife； who has been down with pleurisy； is
getting some better。 I had a talk on these liliputian thesises before
I could get a siphon in the fountain of knowledge that I was after。
And there's a bank there called the Lumberman's Fidelity and Plowman's
Savings Institution。 It closed for business yesterday with 23；000
cash on hand。 It will open this morning with 18；000all silver
that's the reason I didn't bring more。 There you are； trade and
capital。 Now； will you be bad？'
〃'My young friend；' says Alfred E。 Ricks； holding up his hands； 'have
you robbed this bank？ Dear me； dear me！'
〃'You couldn't call it that；' says Bassett。 〃Robbing〃 sounds harsh。
All I had to do was to find out what street it was on。 That town is so
quiet that I could stand on the corner and hear the tumblers clicking
in that safe lock〃right to 45； left twice to 80； right once to 60；
left to 15〃as plain as the Yale captain giving orders in the
football dialect。 Now； boys；' says Bassett； 'this is an early rising
town。 They tell me the citizens are all up and stirring before
daylight。 I asked what for； and they said because breakfast was ready
at that time。 And what of merry Robin Hood？ It must be Yoicks！ and
away with the tinkers' chorus。 I'll stake you。 How much do you want？
Speak up。 Capital。'
〃'My dear young friend；' says this ground squirrel of a Ricks；
standing on his hind legs and juggling nuts in his paws； 'I have
friends in Denver who would assist me。 If I had a hundred dollars I'
〃Basset unpins a package of the currency and throws five twenties to
Ricks。
〃'Trade； how much？' he says to me。
〃'Put your money up； Labor；' says I。 'I never yet drew upon honest
toil for its hard…earned pittance。 The dollars I get are surplus ones
that are burning the pockets of damfools and greenhorns。 When I stand
on a street corner and sell a solid gold diamond ring to a yap for
3。00； I make just 2。60。 And I know he's going to give it to a girl
in return for all the benefits accruing from a 125。00 ring。 His
profits are 122。00。 Which of us is the biggest fakir？'
〃'And when you sell a poor woman a pinch of sand for fifty cents to
keep her lamp from exploding；' says Bassett； 'what do you figure her
gross earnings to be； with sand at forty cents a ton？'
〃'Listen；' says I。 'I instruct her to keep her lamp clean and well
filled。 If she does that it can't burst。 And with the sand in it she
knows it can't； and she don't worry。 It's a kind of Industrial
Christian Science。 She pays fifty cents； and gets both Rockefeller and
Mrs。 Eddy on the job。 It ain't everybody that can let the gold…dust
twins do their work。'
〃Alfred E。 Ricks all but licks the dust off of Bill Bassett's shoes。
〃'My dear young friend；' says he； 'I will never forget your
generosity。 Heaven will reward you。 But let me implore you to turn
from your ways of violence and crime。'
〃'Mousie；' says Bill； 'the hole in the wainscoting for yours。 Your
dogmas and inculcations sound to me like the last words of a bicycle
pump。 What has your high moral； elevator…service system of pillage
brought you to？ Penuriousness and want。 Even Brother Peters； who
insists upon contaminating the art of robbery with theories of
commerce and trade； admitted he was on the lift。 Both of you live by
the gilded rule。 Brother Peters；' says Bill； 'you'd better choose a
slice of this embalmed currency。 You're welcome。'
〃I told Bill Bassett once more to put his money in his pocket。 I never
had the respect for burglary that some people have。 I always gave
something for the money I took； even if it was only some little trifle
for a souvenir to remind 'em not to get caught again。
〃And then Alfred E。 Ricks grovels at Bill's feet again； and bids us
adieu。 He says he will have a team at a farmhouse； and drive to the
station below； and take the train for Denver。 It salubrified the
atmosphere when that lamentable boll…worm took his departure。 He was a
disgrace to every non…industrial profession in the country。 With all
his big schemes and fine offices he had wound up unable even to get an
honest meal except by the kindness of a strange and maybe unscrupulous
burglar。 I was glad to see him go； though I felt a little sorry for
him； now that he was ruined forever。 What could such a man do without
a big capital to work with？ Why； Alfred E。 Ricks； as we left him； was
as helpless as turtle on its back。 He couldn't have worked a scheme to
beat a little girl out of a penny slate…pencil。
〃When me and Bill Bassett was left alone I did a little sleight…of…
mind turn in my head with a trade secret at the end of it。 Thinks I；
I'll show this Mr。 Burglar Man the difference between business and
labor。 He had hurt some of my professional self…adulation by casting
his Persians upon commerce and trade。
〃'I won't take any of your money as a gift； Mr。 Bassett；' says I to
him； 'but if you'll pay my expenses as a travelling companion until we
get out of the danger zone of the immoral deficit you have caused in
this town's finances to…night； I'll be obliged。'
〃Bill Bassett agreed to that； and we hiked westward as soon as we
could catch a safe train。
〃When we got to a town in Arizona called Los Perros I suggested that
we once more try our luck on terra…cotta。 That was the home of
Montague Silver； my old instructor； now retired from business。 I knew
Monty would stake me to web money if I could show him a fly buzzing
'round the locality。 Bill Bassett said all towns looked alike to him
as he worked mainly in the dark。 So we got off the train in Los
Perros； a fine little town in the silver region。
〃I had an elegant little sure thing in the way of a commercial
slugshot that I intended to hit Bassett behind the ear with。 I wasn't
going to take his money while he was asleep； but I was going to leave
him with a lottery ticket that would represent in experience to him
4；755I think that was the amount he had when we got off the train。
But the first time I hinted to him about an investment； he turns on me
and disencumbers himself of the following terms and expressions。
〃'Brother Peters；' says he； 'it ain't a bad idea to go into an
enterprise of some kind； as you suggest。 I think I will。 But if I do
it will be such a cold proposition that nobody but Robert E。 Peary and
Charlie Fairbanks will be able to sit on the board of directors。'
〃'I thought you might want to turn your money over；' says I。
〃'I do；' says he； 'frequently。 I can't sleep on one side all night。
I'll tell you； Brother Peters；' says he； 'I'm going to start a poker
room。 I don't seem to care for the humdrum in swindling； such as
peddling egg…beaters and working off breakfast food on Barnum and
Bailey for sawdust to strew in their circus rings。 But the gambling
business；' says he； 'from the profitable side of the table is a good
compromise between swiping silver spoons and selling penwipers at a
Waldorf…Astoria charity bazar。'
〃'Then；' says I； 'Mr。 Bassett； you don't care to talk over my little
business proposition？'
〃'Why；' says he； 'do you know； you can't get a Pasteur institute to
start up within fifty miles of where I live。 I bite so seldom。'
〃So； Bassett rents a room over a saloon and looks around for some
furniture and chromos。 The same night I went to Monty Silver's house；
and he let me have 200 on my prospects。 Then I went to the only store
in Los Perros that sold playing cards and bought every deck in the
house。 The next morning when the store opened I was there bringing all
the cards back with me。 I said that my partner that was going to back
me in the game had changed his mind； and I wanted to sell the cards
back again。 The storekeeper took 'em at half price。
〃Yes； I was seventy…five dollars loser up to that time。 But while I
had the cards that night I marked every one in every deck。 That was
labor。 And then trade and commerce had their innings； and the bread I
had cast upon the waters began to come back in the form of cottage
pudding with wine sauce。
〃Of course I was among the first to buy chips at Bill Bassett's game。
He had bought the only cards there was to be had in town； and I knew
the back of every one of them better than I know the back of my head
when the barber shows me my haircut in the two mirrors。
〃When the game closed I had the five thousand and a few odd dollars；
and all Bill Bassett had was the wanderlust and a black cat he had
bought for a mascot。 Bill shook hands with me when I left。
〃'Brother Peters；' says he； 'I have no business being in business。 I
was preordained to labor。 When a No。 1 burglar tries to make