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president of the company。
〃No recherche rags for me；〃 I says to Atterbury； when we was
organizing the stage properties of the robbery。 〃I'm a plain man；〃
says I； 〃and I do not use pajamas； French； or military hair…brushes。
Cast me for the role of the rhinestone…in…the…rough or I don't go on
exhibition。 If you can use me in my natural； though displeasing form；
do so。〃
〃Dress you up？〃 says Atterbury； 〃I should say not！ Just as you are
you're worth more to the business than a whole roomful of the things
they pin chrysanthemums on。 You're to play the part of the solid but
disheveled capitalist from the Far West。 You despise the conventions。
You've got so many stocks you can afford to shake socks。 Conservative；
homely； rough； shrewd； savingthat's your pose。 It's a winner in New
York。 Keep your feet on the desk and eat apples。 Whenever anybody
comes in eat an apple。 Let 'em see you stuff the peelings in a drawer
of your desk。 Look as economical and rich and rugged as you can。〃
I followed out Atterbury's instructions。 I played the Rocky Mountain
capitalist without ruching or frills。 The way I deposited apple
peelings to my credit in a drawer when any customers came in made
Hetty Green look like a spendthrift。 I could hear Atterbury saying to
victims； as he smiled at me； indulgent and venerating； 〃That's our
vice…president； Colonel Pickens 。 。 。 fortune in Western investments
。 。 。 delightfully plain manners； but 。 。 。 could sign his check for
half a million 。 。 。 simple as a child 。 。 。 wonderful head 。 。 。
conservative and careful almost to a fault。〃
Atterbury managed the business。 Me and Buck never quite understood all
of it； though he explained it to us in full。 It seems the company was
a kind of cooperative one； and everybody that bought stock shared in
the profits。 First； we officers bought up a controlling interestwe
had to have thatof the shares at 50 cents a hundredjust what the
printer charged usand the rest went to the public at a dollar each。
The company guaranteed the stockholders a profit of ten per cent。 each
month； payable on the last day thereof。
When any stockholder had paid in as much as 100； the company issued
him a Gold Bond and he became a bondholder。 I asked Atterbury one day
what benefits and appurtenances these Gold Bonds was to an investor
more so than the immunities and privileges enjoyed by the common
sucker who only owned stock。 Atterbury picked up one of them Gold
Bonds； all gilt and lettered up with flourishes and a big red seal
tied with a blue ribbon in a bowknot； and he looked at me like his
feelings was hurt。
〃My dear Colonel Pickens；〃 says he； 〃you have no soul for Art。 Think
of a thousand homes made happy by possessing one of these beautiful
gems of the lithographer's skill！ Think of the joy in the household
where one of these Gold Bonds hangs by a pink cord to the what…not； or
is chewed by the baby； caroling gleefully upon the floor！ Ah； I see
your eye growing moist； ColonelI have touched you； have I not？〃
〃You have not；〃 says I； 〃for I've been watching you。 The moisture you
see is apple juice。 You can't expect one man to act as a human cider…
press and an art connoisseur too。〃
Atterbury attended to the details of the concern。 As I understand it；
they was simple。 The investors in stock paid in their money； and
well； I guess that's all they had to do。 The company received it； and
I don't call to mind anything else。 Me and Buck knew more about
selling corn salve than we did about Wall Street； but even we could
see how the Golconda Gold Bond Investment Company was making money。
You take in money and pay back ten per cent。 of it； it's plain enough
that you make a clean； legitimate profit of 90 per cent。； less
expenses； as long as the fish bite。
Atterbury wanted to be president and treasurer too； but Buck winks an
eye at him and says： 〃You was to furnish the brains。 Do you call it
good brain work when you propose to take in money at the door； too？
Think again。 I hereby nominate myself treasurer ad valorem； sine die；
and by acclamation。 I chip in that much brain work free。 Me and
Pickens； we furnished the capital； and we'll handle the unearned
increment as it incremates。〃
It costs us 500 for office rent and first payment on furniture；
1；500 more went for printing and advertising。 Atterbury knew his
business。 〃Three months to a minute we'll last；〃 says he。 〃A day
longer than that and we'll have to either go under or go under an
alias。 By that time we ought to clean up 60；000。 And then a money
belt and a lower berth for me； and the yellow journals and the
furniture men can pick the bones。〃
Our ads。 done the work。 〃Country weeklies and Washington hand…press
dailies； of course；〃 says I when we was ready to make contracts。
〃Man；〃 says Atterbury； 〃as its advertising manager you would cause a
Limburger cheese factory to remain undiscovered during a hot summer。
The game we're after is right here in New York and Brooklyn and the
Harlem reading…rooms。 They're the people that the street…car fenders
and the Answers to Correspondents columns and the pickpocket notices
are made for。 We want our ads。 in the biggest city dailies； top of
column； next to editorials on radium and pictures of the girl doing
health exercises。〃
Pretty soon the money begins to roll in。 Buck didn't have to pretend
to be busy； his desk was piled high up with money orders and checks
and greenbacks。 People began to drop in the office and buy stock every
day。
Most of the shares went in small amounts10 and 25 and 50； and a
good many 2 and 3 lots。 And the bald and inviolate cranium of
President Atterbury shines with enthusiasm and demerit； while Colonel
Tecumseh Pickens； the rude but reputable Croesus of the West； consumes
so many apples that the peelings hang to the floor from the mahogany
garbage chest that he calls his desk。
Just as Atterbury said； we ran along about three months without being
troubled。 Buck cashed the paper as fast as it came in and kept the
money in a safe deposit vault a block or so away。 Buck never thought
much of banks for such purposes。 We paid the interest regular on the
stock we'd sold； so there was nothing for anybody to squeal about。 We
had nearly 50；000 on hand and all three of us had been living as high
as prize fighters out of training。
One morning； as me and Buck sauntered into the office； fat and
flippant； from our noon grub； we met an easy…looking fellow； with a
bright eye and a pipe in his mouth； coming out。 We found Atterbury
looking like he'd been caught a mile from home in a wet shower。
〃Know that man？〃 he asked us。
We said we didn't。
〃I don't either；〃 says Atterbury； wiping off his head； 〃but I'll bet
enough Gold Bonds to paper a cell in the Tombs that he's a newspaper
reporter。〃
〃What did he want？〃 asks Buck。
〃Information；〃 says our president。 〃Said he was thinking of buying
some stock。 He asked me about nine hundred questions； and every one of
'em hit some sore place in the business。 I know he's on a paper。 You
can't fool me。 You see a man about half shabby； with an eye like a
gimlet； smoking cut plug； with dandruff on his coat collar； and
knowing more than J。 P。 Morgan and Shakespeare put togetherif that
ain't a reporter I never saw one。 I was afraid of this。 I don't mind
detectives and post…office inspectorsI talk to 'em eight minutes and
then sell 'em stockbut them reporters take the starch out of my
collar。 Boys； I recommend that we declare a dividend and fade away。
The signs point that way。〃
Me and Buck talked to Atterbury and got him to stop sweating and stand
still。 That fellow didn't look like a reporter to us。 Reporters always
pull out a pencil and tablet on you； and tell you a story you've
heard； and strikes you for the drinks。 But Atterbury was shaky and
nervous all day。
The next day me and Buck comes down from the hotel about ten…thirty。
On the way we buys the papers； and the first thing we see is a column
on the front page about our little imposition。 It was a shame the way
that reporter intimated that we were no blood relatives of the late
George W。 Childs。 He tells all about the scheme as he sees it； in a
rich； racy kind of a guying style that might amuse most anybody except
a stockholder。 Yes； Atterbury was right； it behooveth the gaily clad
treasurer and the pearly pated president and the rugged vice…president
of the Golconda Gold Bond and Investment Company to go away real
sudden and quick that their days might be longer upon the land。
Me and Buck hurries down to the office。 We finds on the stairs and in
the hall a crowd of people trying to squeeze into our office； which is
already jammed full inside to the railing。 They've nearly all got
Golconda stock and Gold Bonds in their hands。 Me and Buck judged
they'd been reading the papers； too。
We stopped and looked at our stockholders； some surprised。 It wasn't
quite the kind of a gang we supposed had been investing。 They all
looked like poor people； there was plenty of old women and lots of
young girls that you'd say worked in factories and mills。 Some was old
men that looked like war veterans； and some was crippled； and a good
many was just kidsbootbla