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donal grant-第77章

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of believing in another world?〃

〃I suspect; my lord; the other world does not need our believing in
it to make a fact of it。 But if a man were never to teach his soul
to see; if he were obstinately to close his eyes upon this world;
and look at nothing all the time he was in it; I should be very
doubtful whether the mere fact of going a little more dead; would
make him see。 The soul never having learned to see; its sense of
seeing; correspondent to and higher than that of the body; never
having been developed; how should it expand and impower itself by
mere deliverance from the one best schoolmaster to whom it would
give no heed? The senses are; I suspect; only the husks under which
are ripening the deeper; keener; better senses belonging to the next
stage of our life; and so; my lord; I cannot think that; if the will
has not been developed through the means and occasions given in; the
mere passing into another condition will set it free。 For freedom is
the unclosing of the idea which lies at our root; and is the vital
power of our existence。 The rose is the freedom of the rose tree。 I
should think; having lost his brain; and got nothing instead; a man
would find himself a mere centre of unanswerable questions。〃

〃You go too far for me;〃 said his lordship; looking a little
uncomfortable; 〃but I think it is time to try and break myself a
little of the habitor almost time。 By degrees one might; you
know;eh?〃

〃I have little faith in doing things by degrees; my lordexcept
such indeed as by their very nature cannot be done at once。 It is
true a bad habit can only be contracted by degrees; and I will not
say; because I do not know; whether anyone has ever cured himself of
one by degrees; but it cannot be the best way。 What is bad ought to
be got rid of at once。〃

〃Ah; but; don't you know? that might cost you your life!〃

〃What of that; my lord! Life; the life you mean; is not the first
thing。〃

〃Not the first thing! Why; the Bible says; 'All that a man hath will
he give for his life'!〃

〃That is in the Bible; but whether the Bible says it; is another
thing。〃

〃I do not understand silly distinctions。〃

〃Why; my lord; who said that?〃

〃What does it matter who said it?〃

〃Much always; everything sometimes。〃

〃Who said it then?〃

〃The devil。〃

〃The devil he did! And who ought to know better; I should like to
ask!〃

〃Every man ought to know better。 And besides; it is not what a man
will or will not do; but what a man ought or ought not to do!〃

〃Ah; there you have me; I suppose! But there are some things so
damned difficult; that a man must be very sure of his danger before
he can bring himself to do them!〃

〃That may be; my lord: in the present case; however; you must be
aware that the danger is not to the bodily health alone; these drugs
undermine the moral nature as well!〃

〃I know it: I cannot be counted guilty of many things; they were
done under the influence of hellish concoctions。 It was not I; but
these things working in meon my brain; making me see things in a
false light! This will be taken into account when I come to be
judgedif there be such a thing as a day of judgment。〃

〃One thing I am sure of;〃 said Donal; 〃that your lordship will have
fair play。 At first; not quite knowing what you were about; you may
not have been much to blame; but afterwards; when you knew that you
were putting yourself in danger of doing you did not know what; you
were as much to blame as if you made a Frankenstein…demon; and
turned him loose on the earth; knowing yourself utterly unable to
control him。〃

〃And is not that what the God you believe in does every day?〃

〃My lord; the God I believe in has not lost his control over either
of us。〃

〃Then let him set the thing right! Why should we draw his plough?〃

〃He will set it right; my lord;but probably in a way your lordship
will not like。 He is compelled to do terrible things sometimes。〃

〃Compelled!what should compel him?〃

〃The love that is in him; the love that he is。 He cannot let us have
our own way to the ruin of everything in us he cares for!〃

Then the spirit awoke in Donalor came upon himand he spoke。

〃My lord;〃 he said; 〃if you would ever again be able to thank God;
if there be one in the other world to whom you would go; if you
would make up for any wrong you have ever done; if you would ever
feel in your soul once more the innocence of a child; if you care to
call God your father; if you would fall asleep in peace and wake to
a new life; I conjure you to resist the devil; to give up the evil
habit that is dragging you lower and lower every hour。 It will be
very hard; I know! Anything I can do; watching with you night and
day; giving myself to help you; I am ready for。 I will do all that
lies in me to deliver you from the weariness and sickness of the
endeavour。 I will give my life to strengthen yours; and count it
well spent and myself honoured: I shall then have lived a life worth
living! Resolve; my lordin God's name resolve at once to be free。
Then you shall know you have a free will; for your will will have
made itself free by doing the will of God against all disinclination
of your own。 It will be a glorious victory; and will set you high on
the hill whose peak is the throne of God。〃

〃I will begin to…morrow;〃 said the earl feebly; and with a strange
look in his eyes。 〃But now you must leave me。 I need solitude to
strengthen my resolve。 Come to me again to…morrow。 I am weary; and
must rest awhile。 Send Simmons。〃

Donal was nowise misled by the easy; postponed consent; but he could
not prolong the interview。 He rose and went。 In the act of shutting
the door behind him; something; he did not know what; made him turn
his head: the earl was leaning over the little table by his bedside;
and pouring something from a bottle into a glass。 Donal stood
transfixed。 The earl turned and saw him; cast on him a look of
almost demoniacal hate; put the glass to his lips and drank off its
contents; then threw himself back on his pillows。 Donal shut the
doornot so softly as he intended; for he was agitated; a loud
curse at the noise came after him。 He went down the stair not only
with a sense of failure; but with an exhaustion such as he had never
before felt。

There are men of natures so inactive that they cannot even enjoy the
sight of activity around them: men with schemes and desires are in
their presence intrusive。 Their existence is a sleepy lake; which
would not be troubled even with the wind of far…off labour。 Such
lord Morven was not by nature; up to manhood he had led even a
stormy life。 But when his passions began to yield; his
self…indulgence began to take the form of laziness; and it was not
many years before he lay with never a struggle in the chains of the
evil power which had now reduced him to moral poltroonery。 The
tyranny of this last wickedness grew worse after the death of his
wife。 The one object of his life; if life it could be called; was
only and ever to make it a life of his own; not the life which God
had meant it to be; and had made possible to him。 On first
acquaintance with the moral phenomenon; it had seemed to Donal an
inhuman and strangely exceptional one; but reflecting; he came
presently to see that it was only a more pronounced form of the
universal human diseasea disease so deep…seated that he who has it
worst; least knows or can believe that he has any disease;
attributing all his discomfort to the condition of things outside
him; whereas his refusal to accept them as they are; is one most
prominent symptom of the disease。 Whether by stimulants or
narcotics; whether by company or ambition; whether by grasping or
study; whether by self…indulgence; by art; by books; by religion; by
love; by benevolence; we endeavour after another life than that
which God means for usa life of truth; namely; of obedience;
humility; and self…forgetfulness; we walk equally in a vain show。
For God alone is; and without him we are not。 This is not the mere
clang of a tinkling metaphysical cymbal; he that endeavours to live
apart from God must at length findnot merely that he has been
walking in a vain show; but that he has been himself but the phantom
of a dream。 But for the life of the living God; making him be; and
keeping him being; he must fade even out of the limbo of vanities!

He more and more seldom went out of the house; more and more seldom
left his apartment。 At times he would read a great deal; then for
days would not open a book; but seem absorbed in meditationa
meditation which had nothing in it worthy of the name。 In his
communications with Donal; he did not seem in the least aware that
he had made him the holder of a secret by which he could frustrate
his plans for his family。 These plans he clung to; partly from
paternity; partly from contempt for society; and partly in the fancy
of repairing the wrong he had done his children's mother。 The
morally diseased will atone for wrong by fresh wrongin its turn to
demand like reparation! He would do anything now to secure his sons
in the position of which in law he had deprived them by the wrong he
had done the woman whom all had believed his wife。 Through t
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