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donal grant-第97章

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constitution like yours; and the world before me; there might be
some good in a paring or two of self…denial; but you wouldn't stab
your murderer for fear of the clasp knife closing on your hand! you
would not fire your pistol at him for fear of its bursting and
blowing your brains out!〃

〃I have no desire to keep you alive; my lord; but I would give my
life to let you get some of the good of this world before you pass
to the next。 To lengthen your life infinitely; I would not give you
a single drop of any one of those cursed drugs!〃

He rang the bell again。

〃You're a friendly fellow!〃 grunted his lordship; and went back to
his bed to ponder how to gain the solace of his passion。

Mrs。 Brookes came。

〃Will you please send to Mr。 Avory; the new surgeon;〃 said Donal;
〃and ask him; in my name; to come to the castle。〃

The earl was so ill; however; as to be doubtful; much as he desired
them; whether; while rendering him for the moment less sensible to
them; any of his drugs would do no other than increase his
sufferings。 He lay with closed eyes; a strange expression of pain
mingled with something like fear every now and then passing over his
face。 I doubt if his conscience troubled him。 It is in general
those; I think; who through comparatively small sins have come to
see the true nature of them; whose consciences trouble them greatly。
Those who have gone from bad to worse through many years of moral
decay; are seldom troubled as other men; or have any bands in their
death。 His lordship; it is true; suffered terribly at times because
of the things he had done; but it was through the medium of a roused
imagination rather than a roused conscience: the former deals with
consequences; the latter with the deeds themselves。

He declared he would see no doctor but his old attendant Dowster;
yet all the time was longing for the young man to appear: he
mightwho could tell?save him from the dreaded jaws of death!

He came。 Donal went to him。 He had summoned him; he said; without
his lordship's consent; but believed he would see him; the earl had
been long in the habit of using narcotics and stimulants; though not
alcohol; he thought; he trusted Mr。 Avory would give his sanction to
the entire disuse of them; for they were killing him; body and soul。

〃To give them up at once and entirely would cost him considerable
suffering;〃 said the doctor。

〃He knows that; and does not in the least desire to give them up。 It
is absolutely necessary he should be delivered from the passion。〃

〃If I am to undertake the case; it must be after my own judgment;〃
said the doctor。

〃You must undertake two things; or give up the case;〃 persisted
Donal。

〃I may as well hear what they are。〃

〃One is; that you make his final deliverance from the habit your
object; the other; that you will give no medicine into his own
hands。〃

〃I agree to both; but all will depend on his nurse。〃

〃I will be his nurse。〃

The doctor went to see his patient。 The earl gave one glance at him;
recognized firmness; and said not a word。 But when he would have
applied to his wrist an instrument recording in curves the motions
of the pulse; he would not consent。 He would have no liberties taken
with him; he said。

〃My lord; it is but to inquire into the action of your heart;〃 said
Mr。 Avory。

〃I'll have no spying into my heart! It acts just like other
people's!〃

The doctor put his instrument aside; and laid his finger on the
pulse instead: his business was to help; not to conquer; he said to
himself: if he might not do what he would; he would do what he
could。

While he was with the earl; Donal found lady Arctura; and told her
all he had done。 She thanked him for understanding her。




CHAPTER LXXIX。

A SLOW TRANSITION。

A dreary time followed。 Sometimes the patient would lie awake half
the night; howling with misery; and accusing Donal of heartless
cruelty。 He knew as well as he what would ease his pain and give him
sleep; but not a finger would he move to save him! He was taking the
meanest of revenges! What did it matter to him what became of his
soul! Surely it was worse to hate as he made him hate than to
swallow any amount of narcotics!

〃I tell you; Grant;〃 he said once; 〃I was never so cruel to those I
treated worst。 There's nothing in the Persian hells; which beat all
the rest; to come up to what I go through for want of my comfort。
Promise to give it me; and I will tell you where to find some。〃

As often as Donal refused he would break out in a torrent of curses;
then lie still for a space。

〃How do you think you will do without it;〃 Donal once rejoined;
〃when you find yourself bodiless in the other world?〃

〃I'm not there yet! When that comes; it will be under new
conditions; if not unconditioned altogether。 We'll take the world we
have。 So; my dear boy; just go and get me what I want。 There are the
keys!〃

〃I dare not。〃

〃You wish to kill me!〃

〃I wouldn't keep you alive to eat opium。 I have other work than
that。 Not a finger would I move to save a life for such a life。 But
I would willingly risk my own to make you able to do without it。
There would be some good in that!〃

〃Oh; damn your preaching!〃

But the force of the habit abated a little。 Now and then it seemed
to return as strong as ever; but the fit went off again。 His
sufferings plainly decreased。

The doctor; having little yet of a practice; was able to be with him
several hours every day; so that Donal could lie down。 As he grew
better; Davie; or mistress Brookes; or lady Arctura would sit with
him。 But Donal was never farther off than the next room。 The earl's
madness was the worst of any; a moral madness: it could not fail to
affect the brain; but had not yet put him beyond his own control。
Repeatedly had Donal been on the verge of using force to restrain
him; but had not yet found himself absolutely compelled to do so:
fearless of him; he postponed it always to the very last; and the
last had not yet arrived。

The gentle ministrations of his niece by and by seemed to touch him。
He was growing to love her a little; He would smile when she came
into the room; and ask her how she did。 Once he sat looking at her
for some timethen said;

〃I hope I did not hurt you much。〃

〃When?〃 she asked。

〃Then;〃 he answered。

〃Oh; no; you did not hurt memuch!〃

〃Another time; I was very cruel to your aunt: do you think she will
forgive me!〃

〃Yes; I do。〃

〃Then you have forgiven me?〃

〃Of course I have。〃

〃Then of course God will forgive me too!〃

〃He willif you leave off; you know; uncle。〃

〃That's more than I can promise。〃

〃If you try; he will help you。〃

〃How can he? It is a second nature now!〃

〃He is your first nature。 He can help you too by taking away the
body and its nature together。〃

〃You're a fine comforter! God will help me to be good by taking away
my life! A nice encouragement to try! Hadn't I better kill myself
and save him the trouble!〃

〃It's not the dying; uncle! no amount of dying would ever make one
good。 It might only make it less difficult to be good。〃

〃But I might after all refuse to be good! I feel sure I should! He
had better let me alone!〃

〃God can do more than that to compel us to be gooda great deal
more than that! Indeed; uncle; we must repent。〃

He said no more for some minutes; then suddenly spoke again。

〃I suppose you mean to marry that rascal of a tutor!〃 he said。

She started up; and called Donal。 But to her relief he did not
answer: he was fast asleep。

〃He would not thank you for the suggestion; I fear;〃 she said;
sitting down again。 〃He is far above me!〃

〃Is there no chance for Forgue then?〃

〃Not the smallest。 I would rather have died where you left me
than〃

〃If you love me; don't mention that!〃 he cried。 〃I was not
myselfindeed I was not! I don't know nowthat is; I can't believe
sometimes I ever did it。〃

〃Uncle; have you asked God to forgive you!〃

〃I havea thousand times。〃

〃Then I will never speak of it again。〃

In general; however; he was sullen; cantankerous; abusive。 They were
all compassionate to him; treating him like a spoiled; but not the
less in reality a sickly child。 Arctura thought her grandmother
could not have brought him up well; more might surely have been made
of him。 But Arctura had him after a lifetime fertile in cause of
self…reproach; had him in the net of sore sickness; at the mercy of
the spirit of God。 He was a bad old childthis much only the wiser
for being old; that he had found the ways of transgressors hard。

One night Donal; hearing him restless; got up from the chair where
he watched by him most nights; and saw him staring; but not seeing:
his eyes showed that they regarded nothing material。 After a moment
he gave a great sigh; and his jaw fell。 Donal thought he was dead。
But presently he came to himself like one escaping from torture: a
terrible dream was behind him; pulling at the skirts of his
consciousness。

〃I've seen her!〃 he said。 〃She's waiting for me to take mebut
where I do not know。 She did not look angry; but then she seldom
looked angry when I was worst to her!Grant; I beg of you; don't
lose sight of Davie。 Make a man of hi
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