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looked angry when I was worst to her!Grant; I beg of you; don't
lose sight of Davie。 Make a man of him; and his mother will thank
you。 She was a good woman; his mother; though I did what I could to
spoil her! It was no use! I never could!and that was how she kept
her hold of me。 If I had succeeded; there would have been an end of
her power; and a genuine heir to the earldom! What a damned fool I
was to let it out! Who would have been the worse!〃
〃He's a heartless; unnatural rascal; though;〃 he resumed; 〃and has
made of me the fool I deserved to be made! His mother must see it
was not my fault! I would have set things right if I could! But it
was too late! And you tell me she has had a hand in letting the
truth outleaving her letters about!That's some comfort! She was
always fair; and will be the less hard on me。 If I could see a
chance of God being half as good to me as my poor wife。 She was my
wife! I will say it in spite of all the priests in the stupid
universe! She was my wife; and deserved to be my wife; and if I had
her now; I would marry her; because she would be foolish enough to
like it; though I would not do it all the time she was alive; let
her beg ever so! Where was the use of giving in; when I kept her in
hand so easily that way? That was it! It was not that I wanted to do
her any wrong。 But you should keep the lead。 A man mustn't play out
his last trump and lose the lead。 But then you never know about
dying! If I had known my poor wife was going to die; I would have
done whatever she wanted。 We had merry times together! It was those
cursed drugs that wiled the soul out of me; and then the devil went
in and took its place!There was curara in that last medicine; I'll
swear!Look you here now; Grant:if there were any way of
persuading God to give me a fresh lease of life! You say he hears
prayer: why shouldn't you ask him? I would make you any promise you
pleasedgive you any security you wanted; hereafter to live a
godly; righteous; and sober life。〃
〃But;〃 said Donal; 〃suppose God; reading your heart; saw that you
would go on as bad as ever; and that to leave you any longer would
only be to make it the more difficult for him to do anything with
you afterwards?〃
〃He might give me a chance! It is hard to expect a poor fellow to be
as good as he is himself!〃
〃The poor fellow was made in his image!〃 suggested Donal。
〃Very poorly made then!〃 said the earl with a sneer。 〃We might as
well have been made in some other body's image!〃
Donal thought with himself。
Did you ever know a good woman; my lord?〃 he asked。
〃Know a good woman?Hundreds of them!The other sort was more to
my taste! but there was my own mother! She was rather hard on my
father now and then; but she was a good woman。〃
〃Suppose you had been in her image; what then?〃
〃You would have had some respect for me!〃
〃Then she was nearer the image of God than you?〃
〃Thousands of miles!〃
〃Did you ever know a bad woman?〃
〃Know a bad woman? Hundreds that would take your heart's blood as
you slept to make a philtre with!〃
〃Then you saw a difference between such a woman and your mother?〃
〃The one was of heaven; the other of hellthat was all the little
difference!〃
〃Did you ever know a bad woman grow better?〃
〃No; never。Stop! let me see〃 I did once know a womanshe was a
married woman toothat made it all the worseall the better I
mean: she took poisonin good earnest; and dieddied; sirdied; I
saywhen she came to herself; and knew what she had done! That was
the only woman I ever knew that grew better。 How long she might have
gone on better if she hadn't taken the poison; I can't tell。 That
fixed her good; you see!〃
〃If she had gone on; she might have got as good as your mother?〃
〃Oh; hang it! no; I did not say that!〃
〃I mean; with God teaching her all the timefor ten thousand years;
sayand she always doing what he told her!〃
〃Oh; well! I don't know anything about that。 I don't know what God
had to do with my mother being so good! She was none of your canting
sort!〃
〃There is an old story;〃 said Donal; 〃of a man who was the very
image of God; and ever so much better than the best of women。〃
〃He couldn't have been much of a man then!〃
〃Were you ever afraid; my lord?〃
〃Yes; several timesmany a time。〃
〃That man never knew what fear was。〃
〃By Jove!〃
〃His mother was good; and he was better: your mother was good; and
you are worse! Whose fault is that?〃
〃My own; I'm not ashamed to confess it!〃
〃Would to God you were!〃 said Donal: 〃you shame your mother in being
worse than she was。 You were made in the image of God; but you don't
look like him now any more than you look like your mother。 I have a
father and mother; my lord; as like God as they can look!〃
〃Of course! of course! In their position there are no such
temptations as in ours!〃
〃I am sure of one thing; my lordthat you will never be at any
peace until you begin to show the image in which you were made。 By
that time you will care for nothing so much as that he should have
his way with you and the whole world。〃
〃It will be long before I come to that!〃
〃Probably; but you will never have a moment's peace till you begin。
It is no use talking though。 God has not made you miserable enough
yet。〃
〃I am more miserable than you can think。〃
〃Why don't you cry to him to deliver you?〃
〃I would kill myself if it weren't for one thing。〃
〃It is from yourself he would deliver you。〃
〃I would; but that I want to put off seeing my wife as long as I
can。〃
〃I thought you wanted to see her!〃
〃I long for her sometimes more than tongue can tell。〃
〃And you don't want to see her?〃
〃Not yet; not just yet。 I should like to be a little betterto do
something or otherI don't know whatfirst。 I doubt if she would
touch me nowwith that small; firm hand she would catch hold of me
with when I hurt her。 By Jove; if she had been a man; she would have
made her mark in the world! She had a will and a way with her! If it
hadn't been that she loved meme; do you hear; you dog!though
there's nobody left to care a worm…eaten nut about me; it makes me
proud as Lucifer merely to think of it! I don't care if there's
never another to love me to all eternity! I have been loved as never
man was loved! All for my own sake; mind you! In the way of money I
was no great catch; and for the rank; she never got any good of
that; nor would if she had lived till I was earl; she had a
consciencewhich I never hadand would never have consented to be
called countess。 'It will be no worse than passing for my wife now;'
I would say。 'What's either but an appearance? What's any thing of
all the damned humbug but appearance? One appearance is as good as
another appearance!' She would only smilesmile fit to make a mule
sad! And then when her baby was dying; and she wanted me to take her
for a minute; and I wouldn't! She laid her down; and got what she
wanted herself; and when she went to take the child again; the
absurd little thing waswasgonedead; I mean gone dead; never to
cry any more! There it lay motionless; like a lump of white clay。
She looked at meand neverin this worldsmiled again!nor cried
eitherall I could do to make her!〃
The wretched man burst into tears; and the heart of Donal gave a
leap for joy。 Common as tears are; fall as they may for the
foolishest things; they may yet be such as to cause joy in paradise。
The man himself may not know why he weeps; and his tears yet
indicate his turning on his road。 The earl was as far from a good
man as man well could be; there were millions of spiritual miles
betwixt him and the image of God; he had wept it was hard to say at
whatnot at his own cruelty; not at his wife's suffering; not in
pity of the little soul that went away at last out of no human
embrace; himself least of all could have told why he wept; yet was
that weeping some sign of contact between his human soul and the
great human soul of God; it was the beginning of a possible
communion with the Father of all! Surely God saw this; and knew the
heart he had madesaw the flax smoking yet! He who will not let us
out until we have paid the uttermost farthing; rejoices over the
offer of the first golden grain。
Donal dropped on his knees and prayed:
〃O Father of us all!〃 he said; 〃in whose hands are these unruly
hearts of ours; we cannot manage ourselves; we ruin our own selves;
but in thee is our help found!〃
Prayer went from him; he rose from his knees。
〃Go on; go on; don't stop!〃 cried the earl。 〃He may hear youwho
can tell!〃
Donal went down on his knees again。
〃O God!〃 he said; 〃thou knowest us; whether we speak to thee or not;
take from this man his hardness of heart。 Make him love thee。〃
There he stopped again。 He could say no more。
〃I can't pray; my lord;〃 he said; rising。 〃I don't know why。 It
seems as if nothing I said meant anything。 I will pray for you when
I am alone。〃
〃Are there so many devils about me that an honest fellow can't pray
in my company?〃 cried the earl。 〃I will pray myself; in spite of the
whole swarm of them; big and little!O God; save me! I don't want
to be damned。 I will be good if thou wilt make me。 I don't