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Gaudissart was thirty…eight years of age； of medium height； stout and
fat like men who roll about continually in stage…coaches； with a face
as round as a pumpkin； ruddy cheeks； and regular features of the type
which sculptors of all lands adopt as a model for statues of
Abundance； Law； Force； Commerce； and the like。 His protuberant stomach
swelled forth in the shape of a pear； his legs were small； but active
and vigorous。 He caught Jenny up in his arms like a baby and kissed
her。
〃Hold your tongue； young woman！〃 he said。 〃What do you know about
Saint…Simonism； antagonism； Fourierism； criticism； heroic enterprise；
or woman's freedom？ I'll tell you what they are；ten francs for each
subscription； Madame Gaudissart。〃
〃On my word of honor； you are going crazy； Gaudissart。〃
〃More and more crazy about YOU；〃 he replied； flinging his hat upon the
sofa。
The next morning Gaudissart； having breakfasted gloriously with Jenny；
departed on horseback to work up the chief towns of the district to
which he was assigned by the various enterprises in whose interests he
was now about to exercise his great talents。 After spending forty…five
days in beating up the country between Paris and Blois； he remained
two weeks at the latter place to write up his correspondence and make
short visits to the various market towns of the department。 The night
before he left Blois for Tours he indited a letter to Mademoiselle
Jenny Courand。 As the conciseness and charm of this epistle cannot be
equalled by any narration of ours； and as； moreover； it proves the
legitimacy of the tie which united these two individuals； we produce
it here：
〃My dear Jenny；You will lose your wager。 Like Napoleon；
Gaudissart the illustrious has his star； but NOT his Waterloo。 I
triumph everywhere。 Life insurance has done well。 Between Paris
and Blois I lodged two millions。 But as I get to the centre of
France heads become infinitely harder and millions correspondingly
scarce。 The article Paris keeps up its own little jog…trot。 It is
a ring on the finger。 With all my well…known cunning I spit these
shop…keepers like larks。 I got off one hundred and sixty…two
Ternaux shawls at Orleans。 I am sure I don't know what they will
do with them； unless they return them to the backs of the sheep。
〃As to the article journalthe devil！ that's a horse of another
color。 Holy saints！ how one has to warble before you can teach
these bumpkins a new tune。 I have only made sixty…two 'Movements'：
exactly a hundred less for the whole trip than the shawls in one
town。 Those republican rogues！ they won't subscribe。 They talk；
they talk； they share your opinions； and presently you are all
agreed that every existing thing must be overturned。 You feel sure
your man is going to subscribe。 Not a bit of it！ If he owns three
feet of ground； enough to grow ten cabbages； or a few trees to
slice into toothpicks； the fellow begins to talk of consolidated
property； taxes； revenues； indemnities；a whole lot of stuff； and
I have wasted my time and breath on patriotism。 It's a bad
business！ Candidly； the 'Movement' does not move。 I have written
to the directors and told them so。 I am sorry for iton account
of my political opinions。
〃As for the 'Globe；' that's another breed altogether。 Just set to
work and talk new doctrines to people you fancy are fools enough
to believe such lies；why； they think you want to burn their
houses down！ It is vain for me to tell them that I speak for
futurity； for posterity； for self…interest properly understood；
for enterprise where nothing can be lost； that man has preyed upon
man long enough； that woman is a slave； that the great
providential thought should be made to triumph； that a way must be
found to arrive at a rational co…ordination of the social fabric；
in short； the whole reverberation of my sentences。 Well； what do
you think？ when I open upon them with such ideas these provincials
lock their cupboards as if I wanted to steal their spoons and beg
me to go away！ Are not they fools？ geese？ The 'Globe' is smashed。
I said to the proprietors； 'You are too advanced； you go ahead too
fast： you ought to get a few results； the provinces like results。'
However； I have made a hundred 'Globes；' and I must say；
considering the thick…headedness of these clodhoppers； it is a
miracle。 But to do it I had to make them such a lot of promises
that I am sure I don't know how the globites； globists； globules；
or whatever they call themselves； will ever get out of them。 But
they always tell me they can make the world a great deal better
than it is； so I go ahead and prophesy to the value of ten francs
for each subscription。 There was one farmer who thought the paper
was agricultural because of its name。 I Globed HIM。 Bah！ he gave
in at once； he had a projecting forehead； all men with projecting
foreheads are ideologists。
〃But the 'Children'； oh！ ah！ as to the 'Children'！ I got two
thousand between Paris and Blois。 Jolly business！ but there is not
much to say。 You just show a little vignette to the mother；
pretending to hide it from the child： naturally the child wants to
see； and pulls mamma's gown and cries for its newspaper； because
'Papa has DOT his。' Mamma can't let her brat tear the gown； the
gown costs thirty francs； the subscription sixeconomy； result；
subscription。 It is an excellent thing； meets an actual want； it
holds a place between dolls and sugar…plums； the two eternal
necessities of childhood。
〃I have had a quarrel here at the table d'hote about the
newspapers and my opinions。 I was unsuspiciously eating my dinner
next to a man with a gray hat who was reading the 'Debats。' I said
to myself； 'Now for my rostrum eloquence。 He is tied to the
dynasty； I'll cook him； this triumph will be capital practice for
my ministerial talents。' So I went to work and praised his
'Debats。' Hein！ if I didn't lead him along！ Thread by thread； I
began to net my man。 I launched my four…horse phrases； and the F…
sharp arguments； and all the rest of the cursed stuff。 Everybody
listened； and I saw a man who had July as plain as day on his
mustache； just ready to nibble at a 'Movement。' Well； I don't know
how it was； but I unluckily let fall the word 'blockhead。'
Thunder！ you should have seen my gray hat； my dynastic hat
（shocking bad hat； anyhow）； who got the bit in his teeth and was
furiously angry。 I put on my grand airyou knowand said to him：
'Ah； ca！ Monsieur； you are remarkably aggressive； if you are not
content； I am ready to give you satisfaction； I fought in July。'
'Though the father of a family；' he replied； 'I am ready'
'Father of a family！' I exclaimed； 'my dear sir； have you any
children？' 'Yes。' 'Twelve years old？' 'Just about。' 'Well； then；
the 〃Children's Journal〃 is the very thing for you； six francs a
year； one number a month； double columns； edited by great literary
lights； well got up； good paper； engravings from charming sketches
by our best artists； actual colored drawings of the Indieswill
not fade。' I fired my broadside 'feelings of a father； etc。；
etc。；'in short； a subscription instead of a quarrel。 'There's
nobody but Gaudissart who can get out of things like that；' said
that little cricket Lamard to the big Bulot at the cafe； when he
told him the story。
〃I leave to…morrow for Amboise。 I shall do up Amboise in two days；
and I will write next from Tours； where I shall measure swords
with the inhabitants of that colorless region； colorless； I mean；
from the intellectual and speculative point of view。 But； on the
word of a Gaudissart； they shall be toppled over； toppled down
floored； I say。
〃Adieu； my kitten。 Love me always； be faithful； fidelity through
thick and thin is one of the attributes of the Free Woman。 Who is
kissing you on the eyelids？
〃Thy Felix Forever。〃
CHAPTER III
Five days later Gaudissart started from the Hotel des Faisans； at
which he had put up in Tours； and went to Vouvray； a rich and populous
district where the public mind seemed to him susceptible of
cultivation。 Mounted upon his horse； he trotted along the embankment
thinking no more of his phrases than an actor thinks of his part which
he has played for a hundred times。 It was thus that the illustrious
Gaudissart went his cheerful way； admiring the landscape； and little
dreaming that in the happy valleys of Vouvray his commercial
infallibility was about to perish。
Here a few remarks upon the public mind of Touraine are essential to
our story。 The subtle； satirical； epigrammatic tale…telling spirit
stamped on every page of Rabelais is the faithful expression of the
Tourangian mind；a mind polished and refined as it should be in a
land where the kings of F