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the sea … it sounds like the portrait of a beauty； and she was never that。 Also； incidentally； it gives none of her charm。 I never heard any one get any further than that she was 〃oddly attractive〃 … let us leave it at that。 She was certainly attractive to me。
She was the governess of little Winifred Meryon； whose father held the august position of General Commanding the Frontier Forces； and her mother the more commanding position of the reigning beauty of Northern India； generally speaking。 No one disputed that。 She was as pretty as a picture； and her charming photograph had graced as many illustrated papers as there were illustrated papers to grace。
But Vanna … I gleaned her story by bits when I came across her with the child in the gardens。 I was beginning to piece it together now。
Her love of the strange and beautiful she had inherited from a young Italian mother； daughter of a political refugee； her childhood had been spent in a remote little village in the West of England； half reluctantly she told me how she had brought herself up after her mother's death and her father's second marriage。 Little was said of that； but I gathered that it had been a grief to her； a factor in her flight to the East。
We were walking in the Circular Road then with Winifred in front leading her Pekingese by its blue ribbon； and we had it almost to ourselves except for a few natives passing slow and dignified on their own occasions； for fashionable Peshawar was finishing its last rubber of bridge； before separating to dress for dinner； and had no time to spare for trivialities and sunsets。
〃So when I came to three…and…twenty；〃 she said slowly； 〃I felt I must break away from our narrow life。 I had a call to India stronger than anything on earth。 You would not understand but that was so； and I had spent every spare moment in teaching myself India … its history； legends； religions； everything！ And I was not wanted at home； and I had grown afraid。〃
I could divine years of patience and repression under this plain tale； but also a power that would be dynamic when the authentic voice called。 That was her charm … gentleness in strength … a sweet serenity。
〃What were you afraid of？〃
〃Of growing old and missing what was waiting for me out here。 But I could not get away like other people。 No money； you see。 So I thought I would come out here and teach。 Dare I？ Would they let me？ I knew I was fighting life and chances and risks if I did it； but it was death if I stayed there。 And then… Do you really care to hear？〃
〃Of course。 Tell me how you broke your chain。〃
〃I spare you the family quarrels。 I can never go back。 But I was spurred … spurred to take some wild leap； and I took it。 Six years ago I came out。 First I went to a doctor and his wife at Cawnpore。 They had a wonderful knowledge of the Indian peoples； and there I learned Hindustani and much else。 Then he died。 But an aunt had left me two hundred pounds； and I could wait a little and choose； and so I came here。〃
It interested me。 The courage that pale elastic type of woman has！
〃Have you ever regretted it？ Would they take you back if you failed？〃
〃Never； to both questions；〃 she said； smiling。 〃Life is glorious。 I've drunk of a cup I never thought to taste； and if I died tomorrow I should know I had done right。 I rejoice in every moment I live … even when Winifred and I are wrestling with arithmetic。〃
〃I shouldn't have thought life was very easy with Lady Meryon。〃
〃Oh； she is kind enough in an indifferent sort of way。 I am not the persecuted Jane Eyre sort of governess at all。 But that is all on the surface and does not matter。 It is India I care for …the people； the sun； the infinite beauty。 It was coming home。 You would laugh if I told you I knew Peshawar long before I came here。 Knew it … walked here； lived。 Before there were English in India at all。〃 She broke off。 〃You won't understand。〃
〃Oh； I have had that feeling； too；〃 I said patronizingly。 〃If one has read very much about a place…〃
〃That was not quite what I meant。 Never mind。 The people； the place … that is the real thing to me。 All this is the dream。〃 The sweep of her hand took in not only Winifred and myself； but the general's stately residence； which to blaspheme in Peshawar is rank infidelity。
〃By George； I would give thousands to feel that！ I can't get out of Europe here。 I want to write； Miss Loring；〃 I found myself saying。 〃I'd done a bit； and then the war came and blew my life to pieces。 Now I want to get inside the skin of the East； and I can't do it。 I see it from outside； with a pane of glass between。 No life in it。 If you feel as you say； for God's sake be my interpreter！〃
I really meant what I said。 I knew she was a harp that any breeze would sweep into music。 I divined that temperament in her and proposed to use it for my own ends。 She had and I had not； the power to be a part of all she saw； to feel kindred blood running in her own veins。 To the average European the native life of India is scarcely interesting； so far is it removed from all comprehension。 To me it was interesting； but I could not tell why。 I stood outside and had not the fairy gold to pay for my entrance。 Here at all events she could buy her way where I could not。 Without cruelty； which honestly was not my besetting sin … especially where women were concerned； the egoist in me felt I would use her； would extract the last drop of the enchantment of her knowledge before I went on my way。 What more natural than that Vanna or any other woman should minister to my thirst for information？ Men are like that。 I pretend to be no better than the rest。 She pleased my fastidiousness … that fastidiousness which is the only austerity in men not otherwise austere。
〃Interpret？〃 she said； looking at me with clear hazel eyes； 〃how could I？ You were in the native city yesterday。 What did you miss？〃
〃Everything！ I saw masses of colour； light； movement。 Brilliantly picturesque people。 Children like Asiatic angels。 Magnificently scowling ruffians in sheepskin coats。 In fact； a movie staged for my benefit。 I was afraid they would ring down the curtain before I had had enough。 It had no meaning。 When I got back to my diggings I tried to put down what I had just seen； and I swear there's more inspiration in the guide…book。〃
〃Did you go alone？〃
〃Yes； I certainly would not go sight…seeing with the Meryon crowd。 Tell me what you felt when you saw it first。〃
〃I went with Sir John's uncle。 He was a great traveler。 The colour struck me dumb。 It flames … it sings。 Think of the grey pinched life in the West！ I saw a grave dark potter turning his wheel； while his little girl stood by； glad at our pleasure； her head veiled like a miniature woman； tiny baggy trousers； and a silver nose…stud； like a star； in one delicate nostril。 In her thin arms she held a heavy baby in a gilt cap； like a monkey。 And the wheel turned and whirled until it seemed to be spinning dreams； thick as motes in the sun。 The clay rose in smooth spirals under his hand； and the wheel sang； 'Shall the vessel reprove him who made one to honour and one to dishonour？' And I saw the potter thumping his wet clay； and the clay； plastic as dream…stuff； shaped swift as light； and the three Fates stood at his shoul… der。 Dreams； dreams； and all in the spinning of the wheel； and the rich shadows of the old broken courtyard where he sat。 And the wheel stopped and the thread broke； and the little new shapes he had made stood all about him； and he was only a potter in Peshawar。〃
Her voice was like a song。 She had utterly forgotten my existence。 I did not dislike it at the moment； for I wanted to hear more； and the impersonal is the rarest gift a woman can give a man。
〃Did you buy anything？〃
〃He gave me a gift … a flawed jar of turquoise blue； faint turquoise green round the lip。 He saw I understood。 And then I bought a little gold cap and a wooden box of jade…green Kabul grapes。 About a rupee； all told。 But it was Eastern merchandise； and I was trading from Balsora and Baghdad； and Eleazar's camels were swaying down from Damascus along the Khyber Pass； and coming in at the great Darwazah； and friends' eyes met me everywhere。 I am profoundly happy here。〃
The sinking sun lit an almost ecstatic face。
I envied her more deeply than I had ever envied any one。 She had the secret of immortal youth； and I felt old as I looked at her。 One might be eighty and share that passionate impersonal joy。 Age could not wither nor custom stale the infinite variety of her world's joys。 She had a child's dewy youth in her eyes。
There are great sunsets at Peshawar； flaming over the plain； dying in melancholy splendour over the dangerous hills。 They too were hers； in a sense in which they could never be mine。 But what a companion！ To my astonishment a wild thought of marriage flashed across me； to be instantly rebuffed with a shrug。 Marriage … that one's wife might talk poetry to one about the East！ Absurd！ But what was it these people felt and I could not feel？ Almost； shut up in the prison of self； I knew what Vanna had felt in her village … a maddening desire to escape； to be a part of the loveliness that lay beyond me。 So might a man love a king's daughter in her hopeless heights。