按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
I'm not worth that； God knows。 And you will take nothing I could give you in return。〃
She spoke very quietly。
〃That does not trouble me。 … It would only trouble me if you asked what I have not to give。 For two months I would travel with you as a friend； if； like a friend； I paid my own expenses…〃
I would have interrupted； but she brushed that firmly aside。 〃No； I must do as I say； and I am quite able to or I should not suggest it。 I would go on no other terms。 It would be hard if because we are man and woman I might not do one act of friendship for you before we part。 For though I refuse your offer utterly； I appreciate it； and I would make what little return I can。 It would be a sharp pain to me to distress you。〃
Her gentleness and calm； the magnitude of the offer she was making stunned me so that I could scarcely speak。 There was such an extraordinary simplicity and generosity in her manner that it appeared to me more enthralling and bewildering than the most finished coquetry I had ever known。 She gave me opportunities that the most ardent lover could in his wildest dream desire； and with the remoteness in her eyes and her still voice she deprived them of all hope。 It kindled in me a flame that made my throat dry when I tried to speak。
〃Vanna； is it a promise？ You mean it？〃
〃If you wish it； yes。 But I warn you I think it will not make it easier for you when the time is over。
〃Why two months？〃
〃Partly because I can afford no more。 No！ I know what you would say。 Partly because I can spare no more time。 But I will give you that； if you wish； though； honestly； I had very much rather not。 I think it unwise for you。 I would protect you if I could … indeed I would！〃
It was my turn to hesitate now。 Every moment revealed to me some new sweetness； some charm that I saw would weave itself into the very fibre of my I had been！ Was I not now a fool？ Would it not being if the opportunity were given。 Oh； fool that be better to let her go before she had become a part of my daily experience？ I began to fear I was courting my own shipwreck。 She read my thoughts clearly。
〃Indeed you would be wise to decide against it。 Release me from my promise。 It was a mad scheme。〃
The superiority … or so I felt it … of her gentleness maddened me。 It might have been I who needed protection； who was running the risk of misjudgment … not she； a lonely woman。 She looked at me； waiting … trying to be wise for me； never for one instant thinking of herself。 I felt utterly exiled from the real purpose of her life。
〃I will never release you。 I claim your promise。 I hold to it。〃
〃Very well then … I will write； and tell you where I shall be。 Good…bye； and if you change your mind； as I hope you will； tell me。〃
She extended her hand cool as a snowflake； and was gone； walking swiftly up the road。 Ah； let a man beware when his wishes fulfilled； rain down upon him！
To what had I committed myself？ She knew her strength and had no fears。 I could scarcely realize that she had liking enough for me to make the offer。 That it meant no shade more than she had said I knew well。 She was safe； but what was to be the result for me？ I knew nothing … she was a beloved mystery。
〃Strange she is and secret； Strange her eyes； her cheeks are cold as cold sea…shells。〃
Yet I would risk it； for I knew there was no hope if I let her go now； and if I saw her again； some glimmer might fall upon my dark。
Next day this reached me：… Dear Mr。 Clifden；…
I am going to some Indian friends for a time。 On the 15th of June I shall he at Srinagar in Kashmir。 A friend has allowed me to take her little houseboat； the 〃Kedarnath。〃 If you like this plan we will share the cost for two months。 I warn you it is not luxurious； but I think you will like it。 I shall do this whether you come or no； for I want a quiet time before I take up my nursing in Lahore。 In thinking of all this will you remember that I am not a girl but a woman。 I shall he twenty…nine my next birthday。 Sincerely yours； VANNA LORING。
P。S。 But I still think you would be wiser not to come。 I hope to hear you will not。
I replied only this ：… Dear Miss Loring；… I think I understand the position fully。 I will be there。 I thank you with all my heart。 Gratefully yours； STEPHEN CLIFDEN。
IV
Three days later I met Lady Meryon； and was swept in to tea。 Her manner was distinctly more cordial as she mentioned casually that Vanna had left … she understood to take up missionary work … 〃which is odd；〃 she added with a woman's acrimony； 〃for she had no more in common with missionaries than I have； and that is saying a good deal。 Of course she speaks Hindustani perfectly； and could be useful； but I haven't grasped the point of it yet〃 I saw she counted on my knowing nothing of the real reason of Vanna's going and left it； of course； at that。 The talk drifted away under my guidance。 Vanna evidently puzzled her。 She half feared； and wholly misunderstood her。
No message came to me； as time went by； and for the time she had vanished completely； but I held fast to her promise and lived on that only。
I take up my life where it ceased to be a mere suspense and became life once more。
On the 15th of June； I found myself riding into Srinagar in Kashmir； through the pure tremulous green of the mighty poplars that hedge the road into the city。 The beauty of the country had half stunned me when I entered the mountain barrier of Baramula and saw the snowy peaks that guard the Happy Valley； with the Jhelum flowing through its tranquil loveliness。 The flush of the almond blossom was over； but the iris； like a blue sea of peace had overflowed the world … the azure meadows smiled back at the radiant sky。 Such blossom！ the blue shading into clear violet； like a shoaling sea。 The earth； like a cup held in the hand of a god； brimmed with the draught of youth and summer and … love？ But no； for me the very word was sinister。 Vanna's face； immutably calm； confronted it。
That night I slept in a boat at Sopor； and I remember that； waking at midnight； I looked out and saw a mountain with a gloriole of hazy silver about it； misty and faint as a cobweb threaded with dew。 The river； there spreading into a lake； was dark under it； flowing in a deep smooth blackness of shadow； and everything awaited … what？ And even while I looked； the moon floated serenely above the peak； and all was bathed in pure light； the water rippling and shining in broken silver and pearl。 So had Vanna floated into my sky； luminous； sweet； remote。 I did not question my heart any more。 I knew I loved her。
Two days later I rode into Srinagar； and could scarcely see the wild beauty of that strange Venice。 of the East； my heart was so beating in my eyes。 I rode past the lovely wooden bridges where the balconied houses totter to each other across the canals in dim splendour of carving and age； where the many…coloured native life crowds down to the river steps and cleanses its flower…bright robes； its gold…bright brass vessels in the shining stream； and my heart said only … Vanna； Vanna！
One day； one thought； of her absence had taught me what she was to me； and if humility and patient endeavor could raise me to her feet； I was resolved that I would spend my life in labor and think it well spent。
My servant dismounted and led his horse； asking from every one where the 〃Kedarnath〃 could be found； and eager black eyes sparkled and two little bronze images detached themselves from the crowd of boys； and ran； fleet as fauns； before us。
Above the last bridge the Jhelum broadens out into a stately river； controlled at one side by the banked walk known as the Bund； with the Club House upon it and the line of houseboats beneath。 Here the visitors flutter up and down and exchange the gossip； the bridge appointments； the little dinners that sit so incongruously on the pure Orient that is Kashmir。
She would not be here。 My heart told me that； and sure enough the boys were leading across the bridge and by a quiet shady way to one of the many backwaters that the great river makes in the enchanting city。 There is one waterway stretching on afar to the Dal Lake。 It looks like a river … it is the very haunt of peace。 Under those mighty chenar； or plane trees； that are the glory of Kashmir； clouding the water with deep green shadows； the sun can scarcely pierce； save in a dipping sparkle here and there to intensify the green gloom。 The murmur of the city； the chatter of the club； are hundreds of miles away。 We rode downward under the towering trees； and dismounting； saw a little houseboat tethered to the bank。 It was not of the richer sort that haunts the Bund； where the native servants follow in a separate boat； and even the electric light is turned on as part of the luxury。 This was a long low craft； very broad； thatched like a country cottage afloat。 In the forepart lived the native owner； and his family； their crew； our cooks and servants； for they played many parts in our service。 And in the afterpart； room for a life； a dream； the joy or curse & many days to be。
But then； I saw only one thing … Vanna sat under the trees； reading； or looking at the cool dim watery vista； with a single boat； loaded to the river's edge with melons and scarlet t