按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃At the outskirts of the trees； on the other side； there was a
dip in the ground with some felled timber lying on it； and a
little pool beyond； still and white and shining in the twilight。
The long grazing…grounds rose over its further shore； with the
mist thickening on them； and a dim black line far away of cattle
in slow procession going home。 There wasn't a living creature
near； there wasn't a sound to be heard。 I sat down on one of the
felled trees and looked back for him。 'Come；' I said；
softly'come and sit by me here。'
〃Why am I so particular about all this？ I hardly know。 The place
made an unaccountably vivid impression on me； and I can't help
writing about it。 If I end badlysuppose we say on the
scaffold？I believe the last thing I shall see； before the
hangman pulls the drop； will be the little shining pool； and the
long； misty grazing…grounds； and the cattle winding dimly home in
the thickening night。 Don't be alarmed； you worthy creature！ My
fancies play me strange tricks sometimes； and there is a little
of last night's laudanum； I dare say； in this part of my letter。
〃He camein the strangest silent way； like a man walking in his
sleephe came and sat down by me。 Either the night was very
close； or I was by this time literally in a fever： I couldn't
bear my bonnet on； I couldn't bear my gloves。 The want to look at
him； and see what his singular silence meant； and the
impossibility of doing it in the darkening light； irritated my
nerves； till I thought I should have screamed。 I took his hand；
to try if that would help me。 It was burning hot； and it closed
instantly on mineyou know how。 Silence； after _that；_ was not
to be thought of。 The one safe way was to begin talking to him at
once。
〃 'Don't despise me；' I said。 'I am obliged to bring you to this
lonely place； I should lose my character if we were seen
together。'
〃I waited a little。 His hand warned me once more not to let the
silence continue。 I determined to _make_ him speak to me this
time。
〃 'You have interested me； and frightened me；' I went on。 'You
have written me a very strange letter。 I must know what it
means。'
〃 'It is too late to ask。 _You_ have taken the way； and _I_ have
taken the way； from which there is no turning back。' He made that
strange answer in a tone that was quite new to mea tone that
made me even more uneasy than his silence had made me the moment
before。 'Too late；' he repeated'too late！ There is only one
question to ask me now。'
〃 'What is it？'
〃As I said the words； a sudden trembling passed from his hand to
m ine； and told me instantly that I had better have held my
tongue。 Before I could move； before I could think； he had me in
his arms。 'Ask me if I love you；' he whispered。 At the same
moment his head sank on my bosom； and some unutterable torture
that was in him burst its way out； as it does with _us；_ in a
passion of sobs and tears。
〃My first impulse was the impulse of a fool。 I was on the point
of making our usual protest and defending myself in our usual
way。 Luckily or unluckily； I don't know which； I have lost the
fine edge of the sensitiveness of youth； and I checked the first
movement of my hands； and the first word on my lips。 Oh； dear；
how old I felt； while he was sobbing his heart out on my breast！
How I thought of the time when he might have possessed himself of
my love！ All he had possessed himself of now wasmy waist。
〃I wonder whether I pitied him？ It doesn't matter if I did。 At
any rate； my hand lifted itself somehow； and my fingers twined
themselves softly in his hair。 Horrible recollections came back
to me of other times； and made me shudder as I touched him。 And
yet I did it。 What fools women are！
〃 'I won't reproach you；' I said； gently。 'I won't say this is a
cruel advantage to take of me； in such a position as mine。 You
are dreadfully agitated； I will let you wait a little and compose
yourself。'
〃Having got as far as that； I stopped to consider how I should
put the questions to him that I was burning to ask。 But I was too
confused； I suppose； or perhaps too impatient to consider。 I let
out what was uppermost in my mind； in the words that came first。
〃 'I don't believe you love me；' I said。 'You write strange
things to me； you frighten me with mysteries。 What did you mean
by saying in your letter that it would be fatal to Mr。 Armadale
if you came back to me？ What danger can there be to Mr。
Armadale？'
〃Before I could finish the question； he suddenly lifted his head
and unclasped his arms。 I had apparently touched some painful
subject which recalled him to himself。 Instead of my shrinking
from _him；_ it was he who shrank from _me。_ I felt offended with
him； why； I don't knowbut offended I was； and I thanked him
with my bitterest emphasis for remembering what was due to me；
_at last！_
〃 'Do you believe in Dreams？' he burst out； in the most strangely
abrupt manner； without taking the slightest notice of what I had
said to him。 'Tell me；' he went on； without allowing me time to
answer； 'were you； or was any relation of yours； ever connected
with Allan Armadale's father or mother？ Were you； or was anybody
belonging to you； ever in the island of Madeira？ '
〃Conceive my astonishment； if you can。 I turned cold。 In an
instant I turned cold all over。 He was plainly in the secret of
what had happened when I was in Mrs。 Armadale's service in
Madeirain all probability before he was born！ That was
startling enough of itself。 And he had evidently some reason of
his own for trying to connect _me_ with those eventswhich was
more startling still。
〃 'No；' I said； as soon as I could trust myself to speak。 'I know
nothing of his father or mother。'
〃 'And nothing of the island of Madeira？'
〃 'Nothing of the island of Madeira。'
〃He turned his head away； and began talking to himself。
〃 'Strange！' he said。 'As certainly as I was in the Shadow's
place at the window； _she_ was in the Shadow's place at the
pool！'
〃Under other circumstances； his extraordinary behavior might have
alarmed me。 But after his question about Madeira； there was some
greater fear in me which kept all common alarm at a distance。 I
don't think I ever determined on anything in my life as I
determined on finding out how he had got his information； and who
he really was。 It was quite plain to me that I had roused some
hidden feeling in him by my question about Armadale； which was as
strong in its way as his feeling for _me。_ What had become of my
influence over him？
〃I couldn't imagine what had become of it； but I could and did
set to work to make him feel it again。
〃 'Don't treat me cruelly；' I said； 'I didn't treat _you_ cruelly
just now。 Oh； Mr。 Midwinter； it's so lonely； it's so darkdon't
frighten me！'
〃 'Frighten you！' He was close to me again in a moment。 'Frighten
you！' He repeated the word with as much astonishment as if I had
woke him from a dream； and charged him with something that he had
said in his sleep。
〃It was on the tip of my tongue； finding how I had surprised him；
to take him while he was off his guard； and to ask why my
question about Armadale had produced such a change in his
behavior to me。 But after what had happened already； I was afraid
to risk returning to the subject too soon。 Something or
otherwhat they call an instinct； I dare saywarned me to let
Armadale alone for the present； and to talk to him first about
himself。 As I told you in one of my early letters； I had noticed
signs and tokens in his manner and appearance which convinced me；
young as he was； that he had done something or suffered something
out of the common in his past life。 I had asked myself more and
more suspiciously every time I saw him whether he was what he
appeared to be； and first and foremost among my other doubts was
a doubt whether he was passing among us by his real name。 Having
secrets to keep about my own past life； and having gone myself in
other days by more than one assumed name； I suppose I am all the
readier to suspect other people when I find something mysterious
about them。 Any way； having the suspicion in my mind； I
determined to startle him； as he had startled me； by an
unexpected question on my sidea question about his name。
〃While I was thinking； he was thinking； and； as it soon appeared；
of what I had just said to him。 'I am so grieved to have
frightened you；' he whispered； with that gentleness and humility
which we all so heartily despise in a man when he speaks to other
women； and which we all so dearly like when he speaks to
ourselves。 'I hardly know what I have been saying；' he went on；
'my mind is miserably disturbed。 Pray forgive me； if you can； I
am not myself to…night。'
〃 'I am not angry；' I said； 'I have nothing to forgive。 We are
both imprudent； we are both unhappy。' I laid my head on his
shoulder。 'Do you really love me？' I asked him； softly； in a
whisper。
〃His arm stole round me again； and I felt the quick beat of his
heart get quicker and quicker。 'If you only knew！' he whispered
back； 'if you only knew' He could say no more。 I felt his face
bending toward mine； and dropped my head lower； and stopped him
in the very act of kissing me。
〃 'N