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bending toward mine； and dropped my head lower； and stopped him
in the very act of kissing me。
〃 'No；' I said； 'I am only a woman who has taken your fancy。 You
are treating me as if I was your promised wife。'
〃 '_Be_ my promised wife！' he whispered； eagerly； and tried to
raise my head。 I kept it down。 The horror of these old
remembrances that you know of came back and made me tremble a
little when he asked me to be his wife。 I don't think I was
actually faint； but something like faintness made me close my
eyes。 The moment I shut them； the darkness seemed to open as if
lightning had split it； and the ghosts of _those other men_ rose
in the horrid gap； and looked at me。
〃 'Speak to me！' he whispered； tenderly。 'My darling； my angel；
speak to me！'
〃His voice helped me to recover myself。 I had just sense enough
left to remember that the time was passing； and that I had not
put my question to him yet about his name。
〃 'Suppose I felt for you as you feel for me？' I said。 'Suppose I
loved you dearly enough to trust you with the happiness of all my
life to come？'
〃I paused a moment to get my breath。 It was unbearably still and
close； the air seemed to have died when the night came。
〃 'Would you be marrying me honorably；' I went on； 'if you
married me in your present name？'
〃His arm dropped from my waist； and I felt him give one great
start。 After that he sat by me； still； and cold； and silent； as
if my question had struck him dumb。 I put my arm round his neck；
and lifted my head again on his shoulder。 Whatever the spell was
I had laid on him； my coming closer in that way seemed to break
it。
〃 'Who told you？' He stopped。 'No；' he went on； 'nobody can have
told you。 What ma de you suspect？' He stopped again。
〃 'Nobody told me；' I said； 'and I don't know what made me
suspect。 Women have strange fancies sometimes。 Is Midwinter
really your name？'
〃 'I can't deceive you；' he answered； after another interval of
silence； 'Midwinter is _not_ really my name。'
〃I nestled a little closer to him。
〃 'What _is_ your name？' I asked。
〃He hesitated。
〃I lifted my face till my cheek just touched his。 I persisted；
with my lips close at his ear：
〃 'What； no confidence in me even yet！ No confidence in the woman
who has almost confessed she loves youwho has almost consented
to be your wife！'
〃He turned his face to mine。 For the second time he tried to kiss
me； and for the second time I stopped him。
〃'If I tell you my name；' he said； 'I must tell you more。'
〃I let my cheek touch his again。
〃 'Why not？' I said。 'How can I love a manmuch less marry
himif he keeps himself a stranger to me？'
〃There was no answering that； as I thought。 But he did answer it。
〃 'It is a dreadful story；' he said。 'It may darken all your
life； if you know it； as it has darkened mine。'
〃I put my other arm round him； and persisted。 'Tell it me； I'm
not afraid； tell it me。'
〃He began to yield to my other arm。
〃 'Will you keep it a sacred secret？' he said。 'Never to be
breathednever to be known but to you and me？'
〃I promised him it should be a secret。 I waited in a perfect
frenzy of expectation。 Twice he tried to begin； and twice his
courage failed him。
〃 'I can't！' he broke out in a wild； helpless way。 I can't tell
it！'
〃My curiosity； or more likely my temper； got beyond all control。
He had irritated me till I was reckless what I said or what I
did。 I suddenly clasped him close； and pressed my lips to his。 'I
love you！' I whispered in a kiss。 '_Now_ will you tell me？'
〃For the moment he was speechless。 I don't know whether I did it
purposely to drive him wild。 I don't know whether I did it
involuntarily in a burst of rage。 Nothing is certain but that I
interpreted his silence the wrong way。 I pushed him back from me
in a fury the instant after I had kissed him。 'I hate you！' I
said。 'You have maddened me into forgetting myself。 Leave me。 I
don't care for the darkness。 Leave me instantly； and never see me
again！'
〃He caught me by the hand and stopped me。 He spoke in a new
voice； he suddenly _commanded；_ as only men can。
〃 'Sit down；' he said。 'You have given me back my courageyou
shall know who I am。'
〃In the silence and the darkness all round us； I obeyed him； and
sat down。
〃In the silence and the darkness all round us； he took me in his
arms again； and told me who he was。
〃Shall I trust you with his story？ Shall I tell you his real
name？ Shall I show you； as I threatened； the thoughts that have
grown out of my interview with him and out of all that has
happened to me since that time？
〃Or shall I keep his secret as I promised？ and keep my own secret
too； by bringing this weary； long letter to an end at the very
moment when you are burning to hear more！
〃Those are serious questions； Mrs。 Oldershawmore serious than
you suppose。 I have had time to calm down； and I begin to see；
what I failed to see when I first took up my pen to write to you；
the wisdom of looking at consequences。 Have I frightened myself
in trying to frighten _you？_ It is possiblestrange as it may
seem； it is really possible。
〃I have been at the window for the last minute or two； thinking。
There is plenty of time for thinking before the post leaves。 The
people are only now coming out of church。
〃I have settled to put my letter on one side； and to take a look
at my diary。 In plainer words I must see what I risk if I decide
on trusting you； and my diary will show me what my head is too
weary to calculate without help。 I have written the story of my
days （and sometimes the story of my nights） much more regularly
than usual for the last week； having reasons of my own for being
particularly careful in this respect under present circumstances。
If I end in doing what it is now in my mind to do； it would be
madness to trust to my memory。 The smallest forgetfulness of the
slightest event that has happened from the night of my interview
with Midwinter to the present time might be utter ruin to me。
〃 'Utter ruin to her！' you will say。 'What kind of ruin does she
mean？'
〃Wait a little； till I have asked my diary whether I can safely
tell you。〃
CHAPTER X。
MISS GWILT'S DIARY。
〃July 21st； Monday night； eleven o'clock。Midwinter has just
left me。 We parted by my desire at the path out of the coppice；
he going his way to the hotel； and I going mine to my lodgings。
〃I have managed to avoid making another appointment with him by
arranging to write to him to…morrow morning。 This gives me the
night's interval to compose myself； and to coax my mind back （if
I can） to my own affairs。 Will the night pass； and the morning
find me still thinking of the Letter that came to him from his
father's deathbed？ of the night he watched through on the Wrecked
Ship； and； more than all； of the first breathless moment when he
told me his real Name？
〃Would it help me to shake off these impressions； I wonder； if I
made the effort of writing them down？ There would be no danger；
in that case； of my forgetting anything important。 And perhaps；
after all； it may be the fear of forgetting something which I
ought to remember that keeps this story of Midwinter's weighing
as it does on my mind。 At any rate； the experiment is worth
trying。 In my present situation I _must_ be free to think of
other things； or I shall never find my way through all the
difficulties at Thorpe Ambrose that are still to come。
〃Let me think。 What _haunts_ me； to begin with？
〃The Names haunt me。 I keep saying and saying to myself： Both
alike！Christian name and surname both alike！ A light…haired
Allan Armadale； whom I have long since known of； and who is the
son of my old mistress。 A dark…haired Allan Armadale； whom I only
know of now； and who is only known to others under the name of
Ozias Midwinter。 Stranger still； it is not relationship； it is
not chance； that has made them namesakes。 The father of the light
Armadale was the man who was _born_ to the family name； and who
lost the family inheritance。 The father of the dark Armadale was
the man who _took_ the name； on condition of getting the
inheritanceand who got it。
〃So there are two of themI can't help thinking of itboth
unmarried。 The light…haired Armadale； who offers to the woman who
can secure him； eight thousand a year while he lives； who leaves
her twelve hundred a year when he dies； who must and shall marry
me for those two golden reasons； and whom I hate and loathe as I
never hated and loathed a man yet。 And the dark…haired Armadale；
who has a poor little income； which might perhaps pay his wife's
milliner； if his wife was careful； who has just left me；
persuaded that I mean to marry him； and whomwell； whom I
_might_ have loved once； before I was the woman I am now。
〃And Allan the Fair doesn't know he has a namesake。 And Allan the
Dark has kept the secret from everybody but the Somersetshire
clergyman （whose discretion he can depend on） and myself。
〃And there are two Allan Armadalestwo Allan Armadalestwo
Allan Armadales。 There！ three is a lucky number。 Haunt me again；
after that； if you can！
〃What next？ The murder in the timber ship？ No； the murder is a