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〃Shall I be doing right in going to Siberia？ And have I done
right in divesting myself of my wealth？〃 And the answers to the
questions on this Petersburg night； on which the daylight
streamed into the window from under the blind； were quite
indefinite。 All seemed mixed in his head。 He recalled his former
state of mind； and the former sequence of his thoughts； but they
had no longer their former power or validity。
〃And supposing I have invented all this； and am unable to live it
throughsupposing I repent of having acted right；〃 he thought；
and unable to answer he was seized with such anguish and despair
as he had long not felt。 Unable to free himself from his
perplexity； he fell into a heavy sleep； such as he had slept
after a heavy loss at cards。
CHAPTER XXV。
LYDIA SHOUSTOVA'S HOME。
Nekhludoff awoke next morning feeling as if he had been guilty of
some iniquity the day before。 He began considering。 He could not
remember having done anything wrong； he had committed no evil
act； but he had had evil thoughts。 He had thought that all his
present resolutions to marry Katusha and to give up his land were
unachievable dreams； that he should be unable to bear it； that it
was artificial； unnatural； and that he would have to go on living
as he lived。
He had committed no evil action； but； what was far worse than an
evil action； he had entertained evil thoughts whence all evil
actions proceed。 An evil action may not be repeated； and can be
repented of； but evil thoughts generate all evil actions。
An evil action only smooths the path for other evil acts； evil
thoughts uncontrollably drag one along that path。
When Nekhludoff repeated in his mind the thoughts of the day
before； he was surprised that he could for a moment have believed
these thoughts。 However new and difficult that which he had
decided to do might be； he knew that it was the only possible way
of life for him now； and however easy and natural it might have
been to return to his former state； he knew that state to be
death。
Yesterday's temptation seemed like the feeling when one awakes
from deep sleep； and； without feeling sleepy； wants to lie
comfortably in bed a little longer； yet knows that it is time to
rise and commence the glad and important work that awaits one。
On that； his last day in Petersburg； he went in the morning to
the Vasilievski Ostrov to see Shoustova。 Shoustova lived on the
second floor； and having been shown the back stairs； Nekhludoff
entered straight into the hot kitchen； which smelt strongly of
food。 An elderly woman； with turned…up sleeves； with an apron and
spectacles； stood by the fire stirring something in a steaming
pan。
〃Whom do you want？〃 she asked severely； looking at him over her
spectacles。
Before Nekhludoff had time to answer； an expression of fright and
joy appeared on her face。
〃Oh； Prince！〃 she exclaimed； wiping her hands on her apron。 〃But
why have you come the back way？ Our Benefactor！ I am her mother。
They have nearly killed my little girl。 You have saved us；〃 she
said； catching hold of Nekhludoff's hand and trying to kiss it。
〃I went to see you yesterday。 My sister asked me to。 She is here。
This way； this way； please；〃 said Shoustova's mother； as she led
the way through a narrow door； and a dark passage； arranging her
hair and pulling at her tucked…up skirt。 〃My sister's name is
Kornilova。 You must have heard of her；〃 she added； stopping
before a closed door。 〃She was mixed up in a political affair。
An extremely clever woman！〃
Shoustova's mother opened the door and showed Nekhludoff into a
little room where on a sofa with a table before it sat a plump；
short girl with fair hair that curled round her pale； round face；
which was very like her mother's。 She had a striped cotton blouse
on。
Opposite her； in an armchair； leaning forward； so that he was
nearly bent double； sat a young fellow with a slight； black beard
and moustaches。
〃Lydia； Prince Nekhludoff！〃 he said。
The pale girl jumped up； nervously pushing back a lock of hair
behind her ear； and gazing at the newcomer with a frightened look
in her large； grey eyes。
〃So you are that dangerous woman whom Vera Doukhova wished me to
intercede for？〃 Nekhludoff asked； with a smile。
〃Yes； I am；〃 said Lydia Shoustova； her broad； kind； child…like
smile disclosing a row of beautiful teeth。 〃It was aunt who was
so anxious to see you。 Aunt！〃 she called out； in a pleasant；
tender voice through a door。
〃Your imprisonment grieved Vera Doukhova very much；〃 said
Nekhludoff。
〃Take a seat here； or better here；〃 said Shoustova； pointing to
the battered easy…chair from which the young man had just risen。
〃My cousin； Zakharov；〃 she said； noticing that Nekhludoff looked
at the young man。
The young man greeted the visitor with a smile as kindly as
Shoustova's； and when Nekhludoff sat down he brought himself
another chair； and sat by his side。 A fair…haired schoolboy of
about 10 also came into the room and silently sat down on the
window…sill。
〃Vera Doukhova is a great friend of my aunt's； but I hardly know
her；〃 said Shoustova。
Then a woman with a very pleasant face； with a white blouse and
leather belt； came in from the next room。
〃How do you do？ Thanks for coming；〃 she began as soon as she had
taken the place next Shoustova's on the sofa。
〃Well； and how is Vera。 You have seen her？ How does she bear her
fate？〃
〃She does not complain；〃 said Nekhludoff。 〃She says she feels
perfectly happy。〃'
〃Ah； that's like Vera。 I know her；〃 said the aunt； smiling and
shaking her head。 〃One must know her。 She has a fine character。
Everything for others； nothing for herself。〃
〃No； she asked nothing for herself； but only seemed concerned
about your niece。 What seemed to trouble her most was； as she
said； that your niece was imprisoned for nothing。〃
〃Yes； that's true；〃 said the aunt。 〃It is a dreadful business。
She suffered； in reality； because of me。〃
〃Not at all； aunt。 I should have taken the papers without you all
the same。'
〃Allow me to know better；〃 said the aunt。 〃You see；〃 she went on
to Nekhludoff； 〃it all happened because a certain person asked me
to keep his papers for a time； and I； having no house at the
time； brought them to her。 And that very night the police
searched her room and took her and the papers； and have kept her
up to now； demanding that she should say from whom she had them。〃
〃But I never told them；〃 said Shoustova quickly； pulling
nervously at a lock that was not even out of place
〃I never said you did〃 answered the aunt。
〃If they took Mitin up it was certainly not through me；〃 said
Shoustova； blushing； and looking round uneasily。
〃Don't speak about it； Lydia dear；〃 said her mother。
〃Why not？ I should like to relate it；〃 said Shoustova； no longer
smiling nor pulling her lock； but twisting it round her finger
and getting redder。
〃Don't forget what happened yesterday when you began talking
about it。〃
〃Not at all…Leave me alone； mamma。 I did not tell； I only kept
quiet。 When he examined me about Mitin and about aunt； I said
nothing； and told him I would not answer。〃
〃Then thisPetrov〃
〃Petrov is a spy； a gendarme； and a blackguard；〃 put in the aunt；
to explain her niece's words to Nekhludoff。
〃Then he began persuading；〃 continued Shoustova； excitedly and
hurriedly。 〃'Anything you tell me；' he said； 'can harm no one； on
the contrary； if you tell me； we may be able to set free innocent
people whom we may be uselessly tormenting。' Well； I still said I
would not tell。 Then he said； 'All right； don't tell； but do not
deny what I am going to say。' And he named Mitin。〃
〃Don't talk about it；〃 said the aunt。
〃Oh； aunt； don't interrupt；〃 and she went on pulling the lock of
hair and looking round。 〃And then； only fancy； the next day I
hearthey let me know by knocking at the wallthat Mitin is
arrested。 Well； I think I have betrayed him； and this tormented
me soit tormented me so that I nearly went mad。〃
〃And it turned out that it was not at all because of you he was
taken up？〃
〃Yes； but I didn't know。 I think； 'There； now； I have betrayed
him。' I walk and walk up and down from wall to wall； and cannot
help thinking。 I think； 'I have betrayed him。' I lie down and
cover myself up； and hear something whispering； 'Betrayed！
betrayed Mitin！ Mitin betrayed！' I know it is an hallucination；
but cannot help listening。 I wish to fall asleep； I cannot。 I
wish not to think； and cannot cease。 That is terrible！〃 and as
Shoustova spoke she got more and more excited； and twisted and
untwisted the lock of hair round her finger。
〃Lydia； dear； be calm；〃 the mother said； touching her shoulder。
But Shoustova could not stop herself。
〃It is all the more terrible〃 she began again； but did not
finish。 and jumping up with a cry rushed out of the room
Her mother turned to follow her。
〃They ought to be hanged； the rascals！〃 said the schoolboy who
was sitting on the window…sill。
〃What's that？〃 said the mother。
〃I only saidOh； it's nothing；〃 the schoolboy answered； and
taking a cigarette that lay on the table； he began to smoke。
CHAPTER XXVI。
LYDIA'S AUNT。
〃Yes； that solitary co