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eally dark she was。
〃You do really look extraordinarily beautiful；〃 the Colonel said to Catherine。 〃But you must try to get darker。〃
〃Thank you。 I will；〃 she said。 〃We don't have to go out now in the heat do we？ Can't we sit here in the cool？ We can eat here in the grill。〃
〃You're lunching with me；〃 the Colonel said。
〃No please。 You're lunching with us。〃
David stood up uncertainly。 There were more people at the bar now。 Looking down at the table he saw that he had drunk Catherine's drink as well as his own。 He did not remember drinking either of them。
It was the siesta time and they lay on the bed and David was reading by the light that came in the window on the left of the bed where he had pulled up one of the slatted curtains about a third of its length。 The light was reflected from the building across the street。 The curtain was not pulled high enough to show the sky。
〃The Colonel liked me being so dark；〃 Catherine said。 〃We must get to the sea again。 I have to keep it。〃
〃We'll go there whenever you want。〃
〃That will be wonderful。 Can I tell you something？ I have to。〃
〃What？〃
〃I didn't change back to be a girl for lunch。 Did I behave all right？〃
〃You didn't？〃
〃No。 Do you mind？ But now I'm your boy and I'll do anything for you。〃
David continued reading。
〃Are you angry？〃
〃No。〃 Sobered； he thought。
〃It's simpler now。〃
〃I don't think so。〃
〃Then I'll be careful。 This morning everything I did felt so right and happy； so clean and good in the daylight。 Couldn't I try now and we see？〃
〃I'd rather you didn't。〃
〃Can I kiss you and try？〃
〃Not if you're a boy and I'm a boy。〃
His chest felt as though there were an iron bar inside it from one side to the other。 〃I wish you hadn't told the Colonel。〃
〃But he saw me； David。 He brought it up and he knew all about it and understood。 It wasn't stupid to tell him。 It was better。 He's our friend。 If I told him he wouldn't talk。 If I didn't tell him he had a right to。〃
〃You can't trust all people like that。〃
〃I don't care about people。 I only care about you。 I'd never make scandals with other people。〃
〃My chest feels like it is locked in iron。
〃I'm sorry。 Mine feels so happy。〃
〃My dearest Catherine。〃
〃That's good。 You call me Catherine always when you want。 I am your Catherine too。 I'm always Catherine when you need her。 We'd better go to sleep or should we start and see what happens？〃
〃Let's first lie very quiet in the dark；〃 David said and lowered the latticed shade and they lay side by side on the bed in the big room in The Palace in Madrid where Catherine had walked in the Museo del Prado in the light of day as a boy and now she would show the dark things in the light and there would； it seemed to him； be no end to the change。
Chapter Eight
IN THE BUEN RETIRO in the morning it was as fresh as though it was a forest。 It was green and the trunks of the trees were dark and the distances were all new。 The lake was not where it had been and when they saw it through the trees it was quite changed。
〃You walk ahead；〃 she said。 〃I want to look at you。
So he turned away from her and walked to where there was a bench and sat down。 He could see a lake at a long distance and knew it was too far to ever walk to。 He sat there on the bench and she sat down beside him and said； 〃It's all right。〃
But remorse had been there to meet him in the Retiro and now it was so bad he told Catherine that he would meet her at the cafe of The Palace。
〃Are you all right？ Do you want me to come with you？〃
〃No。 I'm all right。 I just have to go。
〃I'll see you there；〃 she said。
She looked particularly beautiful that morning and she smiled at their secret and he smiled at her and then took his remorse to the cafe。 He did not think he would make it but he did and
later when Catherine came he was finishing his second absinthe and the remorse was gone。
〃How are you； Devil？〃 he said。
〃I'm your devil；〃 she said。 〃Could I have one of those too？〃 The waiter went away pleased to see her looking so handsome and so happy and she said； 〃What was it？〃
〃I just felt rotten but I feel fine now。〃
〃Was it that bad？〃
〃No；〃 he lied。
She shook her head。 〃I'm so sorry。 I hoped there wouldn't be any bad at all。〃
〃It went away。
〃That's good。 Isn't it lovely to be here in the summer and no one here？ I thought of something。〃
〃Already？〃
〃We can stay on and not go to the sea。 This is ours now。 The town and here。 We could stay here and then drive back straight through to la Napoule。〃
〃There aren't many more moves to make。〃
〃Don't。 We've only just started。〃
〃Yes 。 。 。 we can always go back where we started。〃
〃Of course we can and we will。〃
〃Let's not talk about it；〃 he said。
He had felt it start to come back and he took a long sip of his drink。
〃It's a very strange thing；〃 he said。 〃This drink tastes exactly like remorse。 It has the true taste of it and yet it takes it away。〃
〃I don't like you to have to take it for that。 We aren't like that。 We mustn't be。〃
〃Maybe I am。〃
〃You mustn't be。〃 She took a long sip out of her glass and another long sip and looked around and then at him。 〃I can do it。 Look at me and watch it happen。 Here in the outdoor cafe of
The Palace in Madrid and you can see the Prado and the street and the sprinklers under the trees so it's real。 It's awfully brusque。 But I can do it。 You can see。 Look。 The lips are your girl again and I'm all the things you really want。 Haven't I done it？ Tell me。
〃You didn't have to。〃
〃Do you like me as a girl；〃 she said very seriously and then smiled。
〃Yes；〃 he said。
〃That's good；〃 she said。 〃I'm glad someone likes it because it's a god damned bore。〃
〃Don't do it then。〃
〃Didn't you hear me say I did it？ Didn't you watch me do it？ Do you want me to wrench myself around and tear myself in two because you can't make up your mind？ Because you won't stay with anything？〃
〃Would you hold it down？〃
〃Why should I hold it down？ You want a girl don't you？ Don't you want everything that goes with it？ Scenes； hysteria； false accusations； temperament isn't that it？ I'm holding it down。 I won't make you uncomfortable in front of the waiter。 I won't make the waiter uncomfortable。 I'll read my damned mail。 Can we send up and get my mail？〃
〃I'll go up and get it。〃
〃No。 I shouldn't be here by myself。〃
〃That's right；〃 he said。
〃You see？ That was why I said to send for it。〃
〃They wouldn't give a hotones the key to the room。 That was why I said I'd go。〃
〃I'm over it；〃 Catherine said。 〃I'm not going to act that way。 Why should I act that way to you？ It was ludicrous and un dignified。 It was so silly I won't even ask you to forgive me。 Besides I have to go up to the room anyway。
〃Now？〃
〃Because I'm a god damned woman。 I thought if I'd be a girl and stay a girl I'd have a baby at least。 Not even that。〃
'That could be my fault。〃
〃Don't let's ever talk about faults。 You stay here and I'll bring back the mail。 We'll read our mail and be nice good intelligent American tourists who are disappointed because they came to Madrid at the wrong time of year。〃
At lunch Catherine said； 〃We'll go back to Ia Napoule。 There is no one there and we'll be quiet and good and work and take care of each other。 We can drive to Aix too and see all the Cezanne country。 We didn't stay there long enough before。〃
〃We'll have a lovely time。〃
〃It isn't too soon for you to start to work again is it？〃
〃No。 It would be good to start now。 I'm sure。
〃That will be wonderful and I'll study Spanish really for when we come back。 And I have so much I have to read。〃
〃We have lots to do。〃
'We'll do it too。〃
70 7'
Chapter Nine
THE NEW PLAN lasted a little more than a month。 They had three rooms at the end of the long low rose…colored Provencal house where they had stayed before。 It was in the pines on the Esterel side of la Napoule。 Out of the windows there was the sea and from the garden in front of the long house where they ate under the trees they could see the empty beaches； the high papyrus grass at the delta of the small river and across the bay was the white curve of Cannes with the hills and the far moun tains behind。 There was no one staying at the long house now in summer and the proprietor and his wife were pleased to have them back。
Their bedroom was the big room at the end。 It had windows on three sides and was cool that summer。 At night they smelled the pines and the sea。 David worked in a room at the further end。 He started early each morning and when he was finished he would find Catherine and they would go to a cove in the rocks where there was a sand beach to sun and to swim。 Sometimes Catherine was gone with the car and he would wait for her and
have a drink out on the terrace after his work。 It was impossible to drink pastis after absinthe and he had taken to drinking whiskey and Perrier water。 This pleased the proprietor； who was now doing a good defensive summer business with the presence of the two Bournes in the dead summer season。 He had not hired a cook and his wife was doing the cooking。 One maid servant looked after the rooms and a nephew； who was an apprentice waiter； served at table。
Catherine enjoyed driving the small car and went on buyin