按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃It's silly。〃
〃No it isn't。 Not when it's you and you do it to please me。〃
〃How badly will you feel if I don't？〃
〃I don't know。 But very。〃
〃All right；〃 he said。 〃It really means all that to you？〃
〃Yes；〃 she said。 〃Oh； thank you。 It won't take very long this time。 I told Jean we'd be there and he's staying open for us。〃
〃Are you always that confident I'll do things？〃
〃I knew you would if you knew how much I wanted it。〃
〃I wanted very much not to。 You shouldn't ask it。〃
〃You won't care。 It's nothing and afterwards it will be fun。 Don't worry about Marita。〃
〃What about her？〃
〃She said that if you wouldn't do it for me to ask you if you'd do it for her。〃
〃Don't make things up。〃
〃No。 She said it this morning。〃
〃I wish you could see yourself；〃 Catherine said。
〃I'm glad I can't。〃
〃I wish you'd looked in the glass。〃
〃I couldn't。〃
〃Just look at me。 That's how you are and I did it and there's nothing you can do now。 That's how you look。〃
〃We couldn't really have done that；〃 David said。 〃I couldn't look the way you do。〃
'Well； we did；〃 Catherine said。 〃And you do。 So you better start to like it。〃 xx
〃We can't have done that； Devil。〃
176 '77
。
〃Yes we did。 You knew it too。 You just wouldn't look。 And we re damned now。 I was and now you are。 Look at me and see how much you like it。〃
David looked at her eyes that he loved and at her dark face and the incredibly flat ivory color of her hair and at how happy she looked and he began to realize what a completely stupid thing he had permitted。
Chapter Twenty…two
HE DID NOT THINK that he could go on with the story that morning and for a long time he could not。 But he knew that he must and finally he had started and they were following the spoor of the elephant on an old elephant trail that was a hard packed worn road through the forest。 It looked as though elephants had travelled it ever since the lava had cooled from the mountain and the trees had first grown tall and close。 Juma was very confident and they moved fast。 Both his father and Juma seemed very sure of themselves and the going on the elephant road was so easy that Juma gave him the 。303 to carry as they went on through the broken light of the forest。 Then they lost the trail in smoking piles of fresh dung and the flat round prints of a herd of elephants that had come onto the elephant road from the heavy forest on the left of the trail。 Juma had taken the 。303 from David angrily。 It was afternoon before they had worked up to the herd and around it seeing the gray bulks through the trees and the movement of the big ears and the searching trunks coiling and uncoiling； the crash of branches broken； the crash
I 78 '79
。 。
of trees pushed over and the rumbling in the bellies of the elephants and the slap and thud of the dung falling。
They had found the trail of the old bull finally and when it turned off onto a smaller elephant road Juma had looked at David's father and grinned showing his filed teeth and his father had nodded his head。 They looked as though they had a dirty secret； just as they had looked when he had found them that night at the shamba。
It was not very long before they came on the secret。 It was off to the right in the forest and the tracks of the old bull led to it。 It was a skull as high as David's chest and white from the sun and the rains。 There was a deep depression in the forehead and ridges ran from between the bare white eye sockets and flared out in empty broken holes where the tusks had been chopped away。 Juma pointed out where the great elephant they were trailing had stood while he looked down at the skull and where his trunk had moved it a little way from the place it had rested on the ground and where the points of his tusks had touched the ground beside it。 He showed David the single hole in the big depression in the white bone of forehead and then the four holes close together in the bone around the ear hole。 He grinned at David and at his father and took a 。303 solid from his pocket and fitted the nose into the hole in the bone of the forehead。
〃Here is where Juma wounded the big bull；〃 his father said。 〃This was his asizari。 His friend； really； because he was a big bull too。 He charged and Juma knocked him down and finished him in the ear。〃
Juma was pointing out the scattered bones and how the big bull had walked around among them。 Juma and David's father were both very pleased with what they had found。
〃How long do you suppose he and his friend had been together？〃 David asked his father。
〃I haven't the faintest idea；〃 his father said。 〃Ask Juma。〃
〃You ask him please。〃
His father and Juma spoke together and Juma had looked at David and laughed。
〃Probably four or five times your life he says；〃 David's father told him。 〃He doesn't know or care really。〃
I care； David thought。 I saw him in the moonlight and he was alone but I had Kibo。 Kibo has me too。 The bull wasn't doing anyone any harm and now we've tracked him to where he came to see his dead friend and now we're going to kill him。 It's my fault。 I betrayed him。
Now Juma had worked out the trail and motioned to his father and they started on。
My father doesn't need to kill elephants to live； David thought。 Juma would not have found him if I had not seen him。 He had his chance at him and all he did was wound him and kill his friend。 Kibo and I found him and I never should have told them and I should have kept him secret and had him always and let them stay drunk with their hi his at the beer shamba。 Juma was so drunk we could not wake him。 I'm going to keep everything a secret always。 I'll never tell them anything again。 If they kill him Juma will drink his share of the ivory or just buy himself another god damn wife。 Why didn't you help the elephant when you could？ All you had to do was not go on the second day。 No； that wouldn't have stopped them。 Juma would have gone on。 You never should have told them。 Never； never tell them。 Try and remember that。 Never tell anyone anything ever。 Never tell anyone anything again。
His father waited for him to come up and said very gently； 〃He rested here。 He's not travelling as he was。 We'll be up on him anytime now。〃
〃Fuck elephant hunting；〃 David had said very quietly。
〃What's that？〃 his father asked。
〃Fuck elephant hunting；〃 David said softly。
i8o
。 。
〃Be careful you don't fuck it up；〃 his father had said to him and looked at him flatly。
That's one thing； David had thought。 He's not stupid。 He knows all about it now and he will never trust me again。 That's good。 I don't want him to because I'll never ever tell him or anybody anything again never anything again。 Never ever never。
That was where he stopped in the hunt that morning。 He knew he did not have it right yet。 He had not gotten the enormity of the skull as they had come onto it in the forest nor the tunnels underneath it in the earth that the beetles had made and that had been revealed like deserted galleries or catacombs when the elephant had moved the skull。 He had not made the great length of the whitened bones nor how the elephant's tracks had moved around the scene of the killing and how following them he had been able to see the elephant as he had moved and then had been able to see what the elephant had seen。 He had not gotten the great width of the one elephant trail that was a perfect road through the forest nor the worn smooth rubbing trees nor the way other trails intersected so that they were like the map of the Metro in Paris。 He had not made the light in the forest where the trees came together at their tops and he had not clarified certain things that he must make as they were then； not as he recalled them now。 The distances did not matter since all dis tances changed and how you remembered them was how they were。 But his change of feeling toward Juma and toward his father and toward the elephant was complicated by the exhaustion that had bred it。 Tiredness brought the beginning of under standing。 The understanding was beginning and he was realizing it as he wrote。 But the dreadful true understanding was all to come and he must not show it by arbitrary statements of rhetoric but by remembering the actual things that had brought it。 Tomorrow he would get the things right and then go on。
He put the cahiers of manuscript away in the suitcase and
locked it and came out the door of his room and walked along the front of the hotel to where Marita was reading。
〃Do you want breakfast？〃 she asked。
〃I think I'd like a drink。〃
〃Let's have it at the bar；〃 she said。 〃It's cooler。〃
They went in and sat down on stools and David poured from the Haig Pinch bottle into a glass and filled it up with cold Perrier。
〃What became of Catherine？〃
〃She left very happy and gay。
〃And how are you？〃
〃Happy and shy and rather quiet。〃
〃Too shy for me to kiss you？〃
They held each other and he could feel himself start to be whole again。 He had not known just how greatly he had been divided and separated because once he started to work he wrote from an inner core which could not be split nor even marked nor scratched。 He knew about this and it was his strength since all the rest of him could be riven。
They sat at the bar while the boy laid the table a