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He was very careful not to wake her but when she stirred he kissed her before he stepped out of bed。 She smiled and said； 〃Good morning； David；〃 and he said； 〃Go back to sleep my dearest love。〃
She said； 〃All right；〃 and rolled over quickly like a small animal and； dark headed； lay curled up with her closed eyes away from the light and her long dark shiny eyelashes against the rose brown early morning color of her skin。 David looked at her and thought how beautiful she was and how he could see her spirit had not gone from her body when she slept。 She was lovely and her coloring and the unbelievable smoothness of her skin were almost Javanese； he thought。 He watched the coloring in her face deepen as the light grew stronger。 Then he shook his head and carrying his clothing on his left arm opened and closed the door and went out into the new morning； walking barefoot on the stones that were still wet with dew。
In his and Catherine's room he took a shower； shaved； found a fresh shirt and shorts and put them on； looked around the empty bedroom； the first morning he had ever been in it with Catherine not there； and then went out to the empty kitchen and found a tin of Maquereau Vin Blanc Capitaine Cook and opened it and took it； perilous with edge…level juice； with a cold bottle of the Tuborg beer out to the bar。
He opened the beer； took the bottle top between his right thumb and the first joint of his right forefinger and bent it in until it was flattened together； put it in his pocket since he saw no container to toss it into； raised the bottle that was still cold to his hand and now beaded wet in his fingers and； smelling the aroma from the opened tin of spiced and marinated mackerel； he took a long drink of the cold beer； set it down on the bar and
took an envelope from his hip pocket and unfolded Catherine's letter and commenced to reread it。
David； I knew very suddenly you must know how terrible it was。 Worse than hitting someone； a child is the worst I guess&mdash；with a car。 The thump on the fender or maybe just a small bump and then all the rest of it happening and the crowd gathering to scream。 The Frenchwoman screaming &rasseuse even if it was the child's fault。 I did it and I knew I did it and I can't undo it。 It's too awful to understand。 But it happened。
I'll cut this short。 I'll be back and we'll settle things the best we can。 Do not worry at all。 I'll wire and write and do all the things for my book so if you ever finish it only I will try to do this one thing。 I had to burn the other things。 The worst was being righteous about it but I don't have to tell you that。 I do not ask for forgiveness but please have good luck and I will do everything as well as I can。
Heiress has been good to you and me both and I don't hate her。
I won't end as I'd like to because it would sound too preposterous to believe but I will say it anyway since I was always rude and presumptuous and preposterous too lately as we both know。 I love you and I always will and I am sorry。 What a useless word。
Catherine
After he had finished it he read it through again。
He had never read any other letters from Catherine because from the time they had met at the Crillon bar in Paris until they were married at the American church at Avenue Hoche they had seen each other every day and； reading this first one now for the third time； he found that he still could be； and was； moved by her。
He put the letter back in his hip pocket and ate a second small； plump； miniature mackerel in the aromatic white wine sauce and
。
finished the cold beer。 Then he went out to the kitchen for a piece of bread to sop up the liquid in the long tin and for a fresh bottle of beer。 He would try to work today and would almost certainly fail。 There had been too much emotion； too much damage； too much of everything and his changing of allegiance； no matter how sound it had seemed； no matter how it simplified things for him； was a grave and violent thing and this letter compounded the gravity and the violence。
All right Bourne； he thought as he began to drink the second beer； don't spend time thinking how bad things are because you know。 You have three choices。 Try to remember one that is gone and write it again。 Second； you can try a new one。 And third； write on the god damned narrative。 So sharpen up and take the best one。 You always gambled when you could bet on yourself。 Never bet on anything that can talk； your father said and you said； Except yourself。 And he said； Not me； Davey； but pile it on yourself sometime you iron…hearted little bastard。 He meant to say cold…hearted but he turned it kindly with his gently lying mouth。 Or maybe he meant it。 Don't con yourself on Tuborg beer。
So take the best one and write one new and good as you can。 And remember； Marita has been hit as badly as you。 Maybe worse。 So gamble。 She cares as much for what we lost as you do。
Chapter Twenty…nine
WHEN HE FINALLY gave up writing that day it was afternoon。 He had started a sentence as soon as he had gone into his working room and had completed it but he could write nothing after it。 He crossed it out and started another sentence and again came to the complete blankness。 He was unable to write the sentence that should follow although he knew it。 He wrote a first simple declarative sentence again and it was impossible for him to put down the next sentence on paper。 At the end of two hours it was the same。 He could not write more than a single sentence and the sentences themselves were increasingly simple and completely dull。 He kept at it for four hours before he knew that resolution was powerless against what had happened。 He admitted it with out accepting it； closed and put away the notebook with the rows of crossed out lines and went to find the girl。
She was on the terrace in the sun reading and when she looked up and saw his face she said； 〃No？〃
〃Worse than no。〃
〃Not at all？〃
〃Nope。〃
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。 。
〃Let's have a drink；〃 Marita said。
〃Good；〃 said David。
They were inside at the bar and the day had come in with them。 It was as good as the day before and perhaps better since summer should have been gone and each warm day was an extra thing。 We should not waste it； David thought。 We should try to make it good and save it if we can。 He mixed the martinis and poured them and when they tasted them they were icy cold and dry。
〃You were right to try this morning；〃 Marita said。 〃But let's not think about it any more today。〃
〃Good；〃 he said。
He reached for the bottle of Gordon's； the Noilly Prat and the stirring pitcher； poured out the water from the ice； and using his empty glass commenced to measure out two more drinks。
〃It's a lovely day；〃 he said。 〃What should we do？〃
〃Let's go to swim now；〃 Marita said。 〃So we won't waste the day。〃
〃Good；〃 David said。 〃Should I tell Madame that we'll be late for lunch？〃
〃She put a cold lunch up；〃 Marita said。 〃I thought that prob ably you'd like to swim however work went。〃
〃That was intelligent；〃 David said。 〃How is Madame？〃
〃She has a slightly discolored eye；〃 Marita said。
Marita laughed。
They drove up the road and around the promontory through the forest and left the car in the broken shade of the pine woods and carried the lunch basket and the beach gear down the trail to the cove。 There was a little breeze from the east and the sea was dark and blue as they came down through the stone pines。 The rocks were red and the sand of the cove was yellow and wrinkled and the water； as they came to it； clean and now amber clear over the sand。 They put the basket and the rucksack in the
shade of the biggest rock and undressed and David climbed the tall rock to dive。 He stood there naked and brown in the sun looking out to the sea。
〃Want to dive？〃 he called。
She shook her head。
〃I'll wait for you。〃
〃No；〃 she called up and waded out into the water up to her thighs。
〃How is it？〃 David called down。
〃Much cooler than it's ever been。 Almost cold。〃
〃Good；〃 he said； and as she watched him and waded； the water came over her belly and touched her breasts and he straightened； rose on his toes； seemed to hang slowly without falling and then knifed out and down； making a boil in the water that a porpoise might have made reentering slickly into the hole that he had made in rising。 She swam out toward the circle of milling water and then he rose beside her and held her up and close and then put his salty mouth against her own。
〃File est bonne； la mer；〃 he said。 〃Toi aussi。〃
They swam out of the cove and beyond into the deep water past where the mountain dropped down into the sea； and lay on their backs and floated。 The water was colder than it had been but the very top was warmed a little and Marita floated with her back arched high； her head all underwater but her nose； and her brown breasts were lapped gently by the movement the light breeze gave the sea。 Her eyes were shut against the sun and David was beside her in the water。 His arm was under her head and then he kissed the tip of her left breast and then the other breast。
〃They taste like the sea；〃 he said。
〃Let's go to sleep out here。〃
〃Could you？〃
〃It's too hard to keep my back arched。〃