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LAET。 ＇Aside。＇ I hope to have one that will show me how a husband ought to behave himself。 I shall be glad to learn； to please my jewel。 ＇Kiss。＇
FOND。 That's my good dear。 Come； kiss Nykin once more； and then get you in。 Soget you in； get you in。 Bye； bye。
LAET。 Bye； Nykin。
FOND。 Bye； Cocky。
LAET。 Bye； Nykin。
FOND。 Bye； Cocky； bye； bye。
SCENE V。
VAINLOVE； SHARPER。
SHARP。 How！ Araminta lost！
VAIN。 To confirm what I have said； read this。 ＇Gives a letter。＇
SHARP。 ＇Reads。＇ Hum； hum！ And what then appeared a fault； upon reflection seems only an effect of a too powerful passion。 I'm afraid I give too great a proof of my own at this time。 I am in disorder for what I have written。 But something； I know not what； forced me。 I only beg a favourable censure of this and your ARAMINTA。
SHARP。 Lost！ Pray heaven thou hast not lost thy wits。 Here； here； she's thy own； man； signed and sealed too。 To her； mana delicious melon； pure and consenting ripe； and only waits thy cutting up： she has been breeding love to thee all this while； and just now she's delivered of it。
VAIN。 'Tis an untimely fruit； and she has miscarried of her love。
SHARP。 Never leave this damned ill…natured whimsey； Frank？ Thou hast a sickly； peevish appetite； only chew love and cannot digest it。
VAIN。 Yes； when I feed myself。 But I hate to be crammed。 By heaven； there's not a woman will give a man the pleasure of a chase： my sport is always balked or cut short。 I stumble over the game I would pursue。 'Tis dull and unnatural to have a hare run full in the hounds' mouth； and would distaste the keenest hunter。 I would have overtaken； not have met； my game。
SHARP。 However； I hope you don't mean to forsake it； that will be but a kind of mongrel cur's trick。 Well； are you for the Mall？
VAIN。 No； she will be there this evening。 Yes； I will go too； and she shall see her error in …
SHARP。 In her choice； I…gad。 But thou canst not be so great a brute as to slight her。
VAIN。 I should disappoint her if I did not。 By her management I should think she expects it。
All naturally fly what does pursue： 'Tis fit men should be coy when women woo。
SCENE VI。
A Room in Fondlewife's House。
A SERVANT introducing BELLMOUR； in fanatic habit； with a patch upon one eye and a book in his hand。
SERV。 Here's a chair； sir； if you please to repose yourself。 My mistress is coming； sir。
BELL。 Secure in my disguise I have out…faced suspicion and even dared discovery。 This cloak my sanctity； and trusty Scarron's novels my prayer…book； methinks I am the very picture of Montufar in the Hypocrites。 Oh！ she comes。
SCENE VII。
BELLMOUR； LAETITIA。
So breaks Aurora through the veil of night； Thus fly the clouds； divided by her light； And every eye receives a new…born sight。 ＇Throwing off his cloak； patch； etc。＇
LAET。 Thus strewed with blushes； likeAh！ Heaven defend me！ Who's this？ ＇Discovering him； starts。＇
BELL。 Your lover。
LAET。 Vainlove's friend！ I know his face； and he has betrayed me to him。 ＇Aside。＇
BELL。 You are surprised。 Did you not expect a lover； madam？ Those eyes shone kindly on my first appearance； though now they are o'ercast。
LAET。 I may well be surprised at your person and impudence： they are both new to me。 You are not what your first appearance promised： the piety of your habit was welcome； but not the hypocrisy。
BELL。 Rather the hypocrisy was welcome； but not the hypocrite。
LAET。 Who are you； sir？ You have mistaken the house sure。
BELL。 I have directions in my pocket which agree with everything but your unkindness。 ＇Pulls out the letter。＇
LAET。 My letter！ Base Vainlove！ Then 'tis too late to dissemble。 ＇Aside。＇ 'Tis plain； then； you have mistaken the person。 ＇Going。＇
BELL。 If we part so I'm mistaken。 Hold； hold； madam！ I confess I have run into an error。 I beg your pardon a thousand times。 What an eternal blockhead am I！ Can you forgive me the disorder I have put you into？ But it is a mistake which anybody might have made。
LAET。 What can this mean？ 'Tis impossible he should be mistaken after all this。 A handsome fellow if he had not surprised me。 Methinks； now I look on him again； I would not have him mistaken。 ＇Aside。＇ We are all liable to mistakes； sir。 If you own it to be so； there needs no farther apology。
BELL。 Nay； faith； madam； 'tis a pleasant one； and worth your hearing。 Expecting a friend last night； at his lodgings； till 'twas late； my intimacy with him gave me the freedom of his bed。 He not coming home all night； a letter was delivered to me by a servant in the morning。 Upon the perusal I found the contents so charming that I could think of nothing all day but putting 'em in practice； until just now； the first time I ever looked upon the superscription； I am the most surprised in the world to find it directed to Mr。 Vainlove。 Gad； madam； I ask you a million of pardons； and will make you any satisfaction。
LAET。 I am discovered。 And either Vainlove is not guilty； or he has handsomely excused him。 ＇Aside。＇
BELL。 You appear concerned； madam。
LAET。 I hope you are a gentleman；and since you are privy to a weak woman's failing； won't turn it to the prejudice of her reputation。 You look as if you had more honour …
BELL。 And more love； or my face is a false witness and deserves to be pilloried。 No； by heaven； I swear …
LAET。 Nay； don't swear if you'd have me believe you； but promise …
BELL。 Well； I promise。 A promise is so cold： give me leave to swear； by those eyes； those killing eyes； by those healing lips。 Oh！ press the soft charm close to mine； and seal 'em up for ever。
LAET。 Upon that condition。 ＇He kisses her。＇
BELL。 Eternity was in that moment。 One more； upon any condition！
LAET。 Nay； nowI never saw anything so agreeably impudent。 ＇Aside。＇ Won't you censure me for this； now？but 'tis to buy your silence。 ＇Kiss。＇ Oh； but what am I doing！
BELL。 Doing！ No tongue can express itnot thy own； nor anything； but thy lips。 I am faint with the excess of bliss。 Oh； for love… sake； lead me anywhither； where I may lie down quickly； for I'm afraid I shall have a fit。
LAET。 Bless me！ What fit？
BELL。 Oh； a convulsionI feel the symptoms。
LAET。 Does it hold you long？ I'm afraid to carry you into my chamber。
BELL。 Oh； no： let me lie down upon the bed； the fit will be soon over。
SCENE VIII。
SCENE： St。 James's Park。
ARAMINTA and BELINDA meeting。
BELIN。 Lard； my dear； I am glad I have met you； I have been at the Exchange since； and am so tired …
ARAM。 Why； what's the matter？
BELIN。 Oh the most inhuman； barbarous hackney…coach！ I am jolted to a jelly。 Am I not horribly touzed？ ＇Pulls out a pocket…glass。＇
ARAM。 Your head's a little out of order。
BELIN。 A little！ O frightful！ What a furious phiz I have！ O most rueful！ Ha； ha； ha。 O Gad； I hope nobody will come this way； till I have put myself a little in repair。 Ah！ my dear； I have seen such unhewn creatures since。 Ha； ha； ha。 I can't for my soul help thinking that I look just like one of 'em。 Good dear； pin this； and I'll tell youvery wellso； thank you； my dearbut as I was telling youpish； this is the untowardest lockso； as I was telling youhow d'ye like me now？ Hideous； ha？ Frightful still？ Or how？
ARAM。 No； no； you're very well as can be。
BELIN。 And sobut where did I leave off； my dear？ I was telling you …
ARAM。 You were about to tell me something； child； but you left off before you began。
BELIN。 Oh； a most comical sight： a country squire； with the equipage of a wife and two daughters； came to Mrs。 Snipwel's shop while I was therebut oh Gad！ two such unlicked cubs！
ARAM。 I warrant； plump； cherry…cheeked country girls。
BELIN。 Ay； o' my conscience； fat as barn…door fowl： but so bedecked； you would have taken 'em for Friesland hens； with their feathers growing the wrong way。 O such outlandish creatures！ Such Tramontanae； and foreigners to the fashion； or anything in practice！ I had not patience to behold。 I undertook the modelling of one of their fronts； the more modern structure …
ARAM。 Bless me； cousin； why would you affront anybody so？ They might be gentlewomen of a very good family …
BELIN。 Of a very ancient one； I dare swear； by their dress。 Affront！ pshaw； how you're mistaken！ The poor creature； I warrant； was as full of curtsies； as if I had been her godmother。 The truth on't is； I did endeavour to make her look like a Christianand she was sensible of it； for she thanked me； and gave me two apples； piping hot； out of her under…petticoat pocket。 Ha； ha； ha： and t'other did so stare and gape； I fancied her like the front of her father's hall； her eyes were the two jut…windows； and her mouth the great door； most hospitably kept open for the entertainment of travelling flies。
ARAM。 So then； you have been diverted。 What did they buy？
BELIN。 Why； the father bought a powder…horn； and an almanac； and a comb…case； the mother； a great fruz…towr； and a fat amber necklace； the daughters only tore two pairs of kid…leather gloves； with trying 'em on。 O Gad； here comes the fool that dined at my Lady Free