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(bless us) almost if he be by。 Ah! had he been with me last night …
SHARP。 If he had; sir; what then? he could have done no more; nor perhaps have suffered so much。 Had he a hundred pound to lose? 'Angrily'
SIR JO。 O Lord; sir; by no means; but I might have saved a hundred pound: I meant innocently; as I hope to be saved; sir (a damned hot fellow); only; as I was saying; I let him have all my ready money to redeem his great sword from limbo。 But; sir; I have a letter of credit to Alderman Fondlewife; as far as two hundred pound; and this afternoon you shall see I am a person; such a one as you would wish to have met with …
SHARP。 That you are; I'll be sworn。 'Aside。' Why; that's great and like yourself。
SCENE II。
'To them' CAPTAIN BLUFFE。
SIR JO。 Oh; here a' comesAy; my Hector of Troy; welcome; my bully; my Back; agad; my heart has gone a pit pat for thee。
BLUFF。 How now; my young knight? Not for fear; I hope; he that knows me must be a stranger to fear。
SIR JO。 Nay; agad; I hate fear ever since I had like to have died of a fright。 But …
BLUFF。 But? Look you here; boy; here's your antidote; here's your Jesuits' powder for a shaking fit。 But who hast thou got with thee? is he of mettle? 'Laying his hand upon his sword。'
SIR JO。 Ay; bully; a devilish smart fellow: 'a will fight like a cock。
BLUFF。 Say you so? Then I honour him。 But has he been abroad? for every cock will fight upon his own dunghill。
SIR JO。 I don't know; but I'll present you …
BLUFF。 I'll recommend myself。 Sir; I honour you; I understand you love fighting; I reverence a man that loves fighting。 Sir; I kiss your hilts。
SHARP。 Sir; your servant; but you are misinformed; for; unless it be to serve my particular friend; as Sir Joseph here; my country; or my religion; or in some very justifiable cause; I'm not for it。
BLUFF。 O Lord; I beg your pardon; sir; I find you are not of my palate: you can't relish a dish of fighting without sweet sauce。 Now; I think fighting for fighting sake's sufficient cause; fighting to me's religion and the laws。
SIR JO。 Ah; well said; my Hero; was not that great; sir? by the Lord Harry he says true; fighting is meat; drink; and cloth to him。 But; Back; this gentleman is one of the best friends I have in the world; and saved my life last nightyou know I told you。
BLUFF。 Ay! Then I honour him again。 Sir; may I crave your name?
SHARP。 Ay; sir; my name's Sharper。
SIR JO。 Pray; Mr。 Sharper; embrace my Back。 Very well。 By the Lord Harry; Mr。 Sharper; he's as brave a fellow as Cannibal; are not you; Bully…Back?
SHARP。 Hannibal; I believe you mean; Sir Joseph。
BLUFF。 Undoubtedly he did; sir; faith; Hannibal was a very pretty fellowbut; Sir Joseph; comparisons are odiousHannibal was a very pretty fellow in those days; it must be grantedbut alas; sir! were he alive now; he would be nothing; nothing in the earth。
SHARP。 How; sir! I make a doubt if there be at this day a greater general breathing。
BLUFF。 Oh; excuse me; sir! Have you served abroad; sir?
SHARP。 Not I; really; sir。
BLUFF。 Oh; I thought so。 Why; then; you can know nothing; sir: I am afraid you scarce know the history of the late war in Flanders; with all its particulars。
SHARP。 Not I; sir; no more than public letters or gazettes tell us。
BLUFF。 Gazette! Why there again now。 Why; sir; there are not three words of truth the year round put into the Gazette。 I'll tell you a strange thing now as to that。 You must know; sir; I was resident in Flanders the last campaign; had a small post there; but no matter for that。 Perhaps; sir; there was scarce anything of moment done but an humble servant of yours; that shall be nameless; was an eye…witness of。 I won't say had the greatest share in't; though I might say that too; since I name nobody you know。 Well; Mr。 Sharper; would you think it? In all this time; as I hope for a truncheon; this rascally gazette…writer never so much as once mentioned menot once; by the warstook no more notice than as if Nol。 Bluffe had not been in the land of the living。
SHARP。 Strange!
SIR JO。 Yet; by the Lord Harry; 'tis true; Mr。 Sharper; for I went every day to coffee…houses to read the gazette myself。
BLUFF。 Ay; ay; no matter。 You see; Mr。 Sharper; after all I am content to retire; live a private person。 Scipio and others have done it。
SHARP。 Impudent rogue。 'Aside。'
SIR JO。 Ay; this damned modesty of yours。 Agad; if he would put in for't he might be made general himself yet。
BLUFF。 Oh; fie! no; Sir Joseph; you know I hate this。
SIR JO。 Let me but tell Mr。 Sharper a little; how you ate fire once out of the mouth of a cannon。 Agad; he did; those impenetrable whiskers of his have confronted flames …
BLUFF。 Death; what do you mean; Sir Joseph?
SIR JO。 Look you now。 I tell you he's so modest he'll own nothing。
BLUFF。 Pish; you have put me out; I have forgot what I was about。 Pray hold your tongue; and give me leave。 'Angrily。'
SIR JO。 I am dumb。
BLUFF。 This sword I think I was telling you of; Mr。 Sharper。 This sword I'll maintain to be the best divine; anatomist; lawyer; or casuist in Europe; it shall decide a controversy or split a cause …
SIR JO。 Nay; now I must speak; it will split a hair; by the Lord Harry; I have seen it。
BLUFF。 Zounds; sir; it's a lie; you have not seen it; nor sha'n't see it; sir; I say you can't see; what d'ye say to that now?
SIR JO。 I am blind。
BLUFF。 Death; had any other man interrupted me …
SIR JO。 Good Mr。 Sharper; speak to him; I dare not look that way。
SHARP。 Captain; Sir Joseph's penitent。
BLUFF。 Oh; I am calm; sir; calm as a discharged culverin。 But 'twas indiscreet; when you know what will provoke me。 Nay; come; Sir Joseph; you know my heat's soon over。
SIR JO。 Well; I am a fool sometimes; but I'm sorry。
BLUFF。 Enough。
SIR JO。 Come; we'll go take a glass to drown animosities。 Mr。 Sharper; will you partake?
SHARP。 I wait on you; sir。 Nay; pray; Captain; you are Sir Joseph's back。
SCENE III。
ARAMINTA; BELINDA; BETTY waiting; in Araminta's apartment。
BELIN。 Ah! nay; dear; prithee; good; dear; sweet cousin; no more。 O Gad! I swear you'd make one sick to hear you。
ARAM。 Bless me! what have I said to move you thus?
BELIN。 Oh; you have raved; talked idly; and all in commendation of that filthy; awkward; two…legged creature man。 You don't know what you've said; your fever has transported you。
ARAM。 If love be the fever which you mean; kind heaven avert the cure。 Let me have oil to feed that flame; and never let it be extinct till I myself am ashes。
BELIN。 There was a whine! O Gad; I hate your horrid fancy。 This love is the devil; and; sure; to be in love is to be possessed。 'Tis in the head; the heart; the blood; theall over。 O Gad; you are quite spoiled。 I shall loathe the sight of mankind for your sake。
ARAM。 Fie! this is gross affectation。 A little of Bellmour's company would change the scene。
BELIN。 Filthy fellow! I wonder; cousin …
ARAM。 I wonder; cousin; you should imagine I don't perceive you love him。
BELIN。 Oh; I love your hideous fancy! Ha; ha; ha; love a man!
ARAM。 Love a man! yes; you would not love a beast。
BELIN。 Of all beasts not an asswhich is so like your Vainlove。 Lard; I have seen an ass look so chagrin; ha; ha; ha (you must pardon me; I can't help laughing); that an absolute lover would have concluded the poor creature to have had darts; and flames; and altars; and all that in his breast。 Araminta; come; I'll talk seriously to you now; could you but see with my eyes the buffoonery of one scene of address; a lover; set out with all his equipage and appurtenances; O Gad I sure you wouldBut you play the game; and consequently can't see the miscarriages obvious to every stander by。
ARAM。 Yes; yes; I can see something near it when you and Bellmour meet。 You don't know that you dreamt of Bellmour last night; and called him aloud in your sleep。
BELIN。 Pish; I can't help dreaming of the devil sometimes; would you from thence infer I love him?
ARAM。 But that's not all; you caught me in your arms when you named him; and pressed me to your bosom。 Sure; if I had not pinched you until you waked; you had stifled me with kisses。
BELIN。 O barbarous aspersion!
ARAM。 No aspersion; cousin; we are alone。 Nay; I can tell you more。
BELIN。 I deny it all。
ARAM。 What; before you hear it?
BELIN。 My denial is premeditated like your malice。 Lard; cousin; you talk oddly。 Whatever the matter is; O my Sol; I'm afraid you'll follow evil courses。
ARAM。 Ha; ha; ha; this is pleasant。
BELIN。 You may laugh; but …
ARAM。 Ha; ha; ha!
BELIN。 You think the malicious grin becomes you。 The devil take Bellmour。 Why do you tell me of him?
ARAM。 Oh; is it come out? Now you are angry; I am sure you love him。 I tell nobody else; cousin。 I have not betrayed you yet。
BELIN。 Prithee tell it all the world; it's false。
ARAM。 Come; then; kiss and friends。
BELIN。 Pish。
ARAM。 Prithee don't be so peevish。
BELIN。 Prithee don't be so impertinent。 Betty!
ARAM。 Ha; ha; ha!
BETTY。 Did your ladyship c