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is but the highest form of vanity。 The instinct is not confined solely to
Beau Brummels and Dolly Vardens。 There is the vanity of the peacock and
the vanity of the eagle。 Snobs are vain。 But so； too； are heroes。 Come； oh！
my young brother bucks； let us be vain together。 Let us join hands and
help each other to increase our vanity。 Let us be vain； not of our trousers
and hair； but of brave hearts and working hands； of truth； of purity； of
nobility。 Let us be too vain to stoop to aught that is mean or base； too vain
for petty selfishness and little…minded envy； too vain to say an unkind
word or do an unkind act。 Let us be vain of being single…hearted； upright
gentlemen in the midst of a world of knaves。 Let us pride ourselves upon
thinking high thoughts； achieving great deeds； living good lives。
ON GETTING ON IN THE
WORLD。
Not exactly the sort of thing for an idle fellow to think about； is it？ But
outsiders； you know； often see most of the game； and sitting in my arbor
by the wayside； smoking my hookah of contentment and eating the sweet
lotus…leaves of indolence； I can look out musingly upon the whirling
throng that rolls and tumbles past me on the great high…road of life。
Never…ending is the wild procession。 Day and night you can hear the
quick tramp of the myriad feetsome running； some walking； some
halting and lame； but all hastening； all eager in the feverish race； all
straining life and limb and heart and soul to reach the ever…receding
horizon of success。
Mark them as they surge alongmen and women； old and young；
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
gentle and simple； fair and foul； rich and poor； merry and sadall hurrying；
bustling； scrambling。 The strong pushing aside the weak； the cunning
creeping past the foolish； those behind elbowing those before； those in
front kicking； as they run； at those behind。 Look close and see the flitting
show。 Here is an old man panting for breath； and there a timid maiden
driven by a hard and sharp…faced matron； here is a studious youth； reading
〃How to Get On in the World〃 and letting everybody pass him as he
stumbles along with his eyes on his book； here is a bored…looking man；
with a fashionably dressed woman jogging his elbow； here a boy gazing
wistfully back at the sunny village that he never again will see； here； with
a firm and easy step； strides a broad…shouldered man； and here； with
stealthy tread； a thin…faced； stooping fellow dodges and shuffles upon his
way； here； with gaze fixed always on the ground； an artful rogue carefully
works his way from side to side of the road and thinks he is going forward；
and here a youth with a noble face stands； hesitating as he looks from the
distant goal to the mud beneath his feet。
And now into sight comes a fair girl； with her dainty face growing
more wrinkled at every step； and now a care…worn man； and now a hopeful
lad。
A motley thronga motley throng！ Prince and beggar； sinner and saint；
butcher and baker and candlestick maker； tinkers and tailors； and
plowboys and sailorsall jostling along together。 Here the counsel in his
wig and gown； and here the old Jew clothes…man under his dingy tiara；
here the soldier in his scarlet； and here the undertaker's mute in streaming
hat…band and worn cotton gloves； here the musty scholar fumbling his
faded leaves； and here the scented actor dangling his showy seals。 Here the
glib politician crying his legislative panaceas； and here the peripatetic
Cheap…Jack holding aloft his quack cures for human ills。 Here the sleek
capitalist and there the sinewy laborer； here the man of science and here
the shoe…back； here the poet and here the water…rate collector； here the
cabinet minister and there the ballet…dancer。 Here a red…nosed publican
shouting the praises of his vats and there a temperance lecturer at 50
pounds a night； here a judge and there a swindler； here a priest and there a
gambler。 Here a jeweled duchess； smiling and gracious； here a thin
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
lodging…house keeper； irritable with cooking； and here a wabbling；
strutting thing； tawdry in paint and finery。
Cheek by cheek they struggle onward。 Screaming； cursing； and
praying； laughing； singing； and moaning； they rush past side by side。 Their
speed never slackens； the race never ends。 There is no wayside rest for
them； no halt by cooling fountains； no pause beneath green shades。 On； on；
onon through the heat and the crowd and the duston； or they will be
trampled down and loston； with throbbing brain and tottering limbson；
till the heart grows sick； and the eyes grow blurred； and a gurgling groan
tells those behind they may close up another space。
And yet； in spite of the killing pace and the stony track； who but the
sluggard or the dolt can hold aloof from the course？ Wholike the belated
traveler that stands watching fairy revels till he snatches and drains the
goblin cup and springs into the whirling circlecan view the mad tumult
and not be drawn into its midst？ Not I； for one。 I confess to the wayside
arbor； the pipe of contentment； and the lotus…leaves being altogether
unsuitable metaphors。 They sounded very nice and philosophical； but I'm
afraid I am not the sort of person to sit in arbors smoking pipes when there
is any fun going on outside。 I think I more resemble the Irishman who；
seeing a crowd collecting； sent his little girl out to ask if there was going
to be a row 〃'Cos； if so； father would like to be in it。〃
I love the fierce strife。 I like to watch it。 I like to hear of people getting
on in itbattling their way bravely and fairlythat is； not slipping through
by luck or trickery。 It stirs one's old Saxon fighting blood like the tales of
〃knights who fought 'gainst fearful odds〃 that thrilled us in our school…boy
days。
And fighting the battle of life is fighting against fearful odds； too。
There are giants and dragons in this nineteenth century； and the golden
casket that they guard is not so easy to win as it appears in the story…books。
There； Algernon takes one long； last look at the ancestral hall； dashes the
tear…drop from his eye； and goes offto return in three years' time； rolling
in riches。 The authors do not tell us 〃how it's done；〃 which is a pity； for it
would surely prove exciting。
But then not one novelist in a thousand ever does tell us the real story
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
of their hero。 They linger for a dozen pages over a tea…party； but sum up a
life's history with 〃he had become one of our merchant princes；〃 or 〃he
was now a great artist； with the world at his feet。〃 Why； there is more real
life in one of Gilbert's patter…songs than in half the biographical novels
ever written。 He relates to us all the various steps by which his office…boy
rose to be the 〃ruler of the queen's navee；〃 and explains to us how the
briefless barrister managed to become a great and good judge； 〃ready to
try this breach of promise of marriage。〃 It is in the petty details； not in the
great results； that the interest of existence lies。
What we really want is a novel showing us all the hidden under…
current of an ambitious man's careerhis struggles； and failures； and hopes；
his disappointments and victories。 It would be an immense success。 I am
sure the wooing of Fortune would prove quite as interesting a tale as the
wooing of any flesh…and…blood maiden； though； by the way； it would read
extremely similar； for Fortune is； indeed； as the ancients painted her； very
like a womannot quite so unreasonable and inconsistent； but nearly so
and the pursuit is much the same in one case as in the other。 Ben Jonson's
couplet