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so useful as a combination of pocket…handkerchief； drinking…cup； and
weapon of attack； has grown high and glossy； and instead of a slate…pencil
in his mouth there is a cigarette； the smoke of which troubles him； for it
will get up his nose。 He tries a cigar a little later on as being more stylish
a big black Havanna。 It doesn't seem altogether to agree with him； for I
find him sitting over a bucket in the back kitchen afterward； solemnly
swearing never to smoke again。
And now his mustache begins to be almost visible to the naked eye；
whereupon he immediately takes to brandy…and…sodas and fancies himself
a man。 He talks about 〃two to one against the favorite；〃 refers to actresses
as 〃Little Emmy〃 and 〃Kate〃 and 〃Baby；〃 and murmurs about his 〃losses
at cards the other night〃 in a style implying that thousands have been
squandered； though； to do him justice； the actual amount is most probably
one…and…twopence。 Also； if I see arightfor it is always twilight in this
land of memorieshe sticks an eyeglass in his eye and stumbles over
everything。
His female relations； much troubled at these things； pray for him （bless
their gentle hearts！） and see visions of Old Bailey trials and halters as the
only possible outcome of such reckless dissipation； and the prediction of
his first school…master； that he would come to a bad end； assumes the
proportions of inspired prophecy。
He has a lordly contempt at this age for the other sex； a blatantly good
opinion of himself； and a sociably patronizing manner toward all the
elderly male friends of the family。 Altogether； it must be confessed； he is
somewhat of a nuisance about this time。
It does not last long； though。 He falls in love in a little while； and that
soon takes the bounce out of him。 I notice his boots are much too small for
him now； and his hair is fearfully and wonderfully arranged。 He reads
poetry more than he used； and he keeps a rhyming dictionary in his
bedroom。 Every morning Emily Jane finds scraps of torn…up paper on the
floor and reads thereon of 〃cruel hearts and love's deep darts；〃 of
〃beauteous eyes and lovers' sighs；〃 and much more of the old； old song
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
that lads so love to sing and lassies love to listen to while giving their
dainty heads a toss and pretending never to hear。
The course of love； however； seems not to have run smoothly； for later
on he takes more walking exercise and less sleep； poor boy； than is good
for him； and his face is suggestive of anything but wedding…bells and
happiness ever after。
And here he seems to vanish。 The little； boyish self that has grown up
beside me as we walked is gone。
I am alone and the road is very dark。 I stumble on； I know not how nor
care； for the way seems leading nowhere； and there is no light to guide。
But at last the morning comes； and I find that I have grown into
myself。
105